Not Alone
by obsessed1
Summary: Shweir fluff. It all started when John had nowhere to stay on earth. Shep whump will be included at irregular intervals.
1. Chapter 1

_As a result of someinappropriate reviews i feel i must put this note at the beginning of this story. The category of this story is SHWEIR, (Which most fans will know) and it involves putting Sheppard and Weir together. So, although some have said the characters would never get together...well...what genre is this?_

_SPOILER SEASON 2_

This is also all set after the events of Intruder in which Elizabeth has broken up with Simon, therefore her pairing up with Sheppard would not be wrong nor immoral.

I apologise to all of those who know this obvious point and also thank the many for their kind reviews.

_Set before Intruder._

_A/N: It struck me that Shep might not have had somewhere to go home to when he visited earth so I came up with a solution for that. This is a one shot as I'm currently writing another fic, but I had to write this for some unknown reason._

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Elizabeth was sat in her kitchen, her feet up on the stool, her arms wrapped around her legs. She bought a hand up and played with the mug of hot coffee on the table beside her and found herself looking out at the window.

She was home.

She was supposed to be happy and yet, she wanted nothing more than to be back on Atlantis. The predictable on Earth, her home, had become the unpredictable and now the events of Atlantis seemed stable by comparison.

The doorbell ringing had her jumping from her reverie and she silently got up off the stool and walked to the door. She looked in the mirror before answering, pushed a hand through her hair and sighed at the dark red rings under her eyes.

When she opened the door the last person she expected to be stood there was Lt Col John Sheppard.

"Hi," he said waving awkwardly. She noted that he was still in his Atlantis BDU's and black t-shirt.

"John," she said pushing both hands through her hair this time in an effort to tame the curls there, "What are you….I mean come in." She stepped aside as John crossed the threshold and he walked into the kitchen where her mug of coffee was still steaming, "Can I get you a drink?" she asked nervously walking over to the stove and picking up the kettle.

John nodded and walked over to the window. "Nice house," he said turning to her and shoving his hands into his pockets.

"So," asked Elizabeth handing him a cup and gesturing to one of the chairs, "What brings you here?"

John sat down and cradled the coffee between his hands, "Yeah I'm sorry to turn up like this, I got your address from the database," he looked down at his hands and chewed on his lip, "The truth is….I don't have anywhere on earth to go," he finished and finally met her gaze.

Calling Earth, _Earth_, when he was on earth felt strange to him.

"No family?" she asked.

Sheppard took a sip of the coffee, "Uh no," he said abruptly and she knew he didn't want to talk about it. It put his refusal to send a letter home when she had asked a long time ago into perspective.

Sheppard rubbed at his eyes, "I've been staying at the SGC now for three days and even though I'm commanding officer of Atlantis and have now been promoted…" he looked down at his hands, "Some people still have a problem with me and I'd rather not stay there if-"

"John?" she asked with a smile. He looked up at her, his eyebrows knitted together in the middle, "Would you like to stay here tonight? I have a comfy couch through there."

He seemed to let out a breath he was holding and his eyes seemed to light up, "Are you sure?"

"You're more than welcome," she said sipping her coffee.

"You sure it wont be weird?" he asked.

"Well it might be," she smiled, "I usually don't take work home with me but-"

He smiled warmly and leant back in the chair, "Thank you."

Elizabeth was surprised at how comfortable she felt having John around. He had promptly gone upstairs and had a shower and she had loaned him Simons shaving kit so he could get rid of the past few days stubble. Five minutes ago she had ventured upstairs to put his clean uniform outside his door and had heard him singing a Johnny Cash song.

Now she was downstairs chopping onions in preparation for a meal.

John walked into the kitchen with a towel over his head and still rubbing at his wet hair, "I smell food," the muffled voice came through the towel.

"Do you like pasta?" she asked turning to the stove.

John tugged the towel off his head, "Yeah I love it," he walked over to where she was cooking and peered into one of the pots, "I didn't know you could cook."

"Don't really get the chance for it in Atlantis," she said as she continued to slice.

John nodded and folded the towel up, "Guess not. You heard from any of the others since coming back?" He leant against the kitchen counter and folded his arms.

"Rodney said he was going to visit his cat, Beckett is visiting relatives in Vale."

Sheppard was nodding, "Sounds good."

She continued to chop for a while before asking, "You don't have relatives at all?"

Sheppard cleared his throat, "My mother is dead and my father…" he paused, seemed to be searching for the right words and then said, "My father and I don't see eye to eye."

"Oh," said Elizabeth.

"My black mark to him was a black mark to us," he shrugged and she thought she could see the beginning of tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said.

He bought a hand up to his eyes and started to rub at them. She watched as a tear slid down his cheek and she couldn't believe that the man she had known in Atlantis, the one who kept his emotions so shielded felt comfortable enough to cry in front of her. She just about to take a step forward and hug him when he turned to her and said, "Onions," and walked away from the table.

He was walking around the kitchen when she noticed that he stopped at a picture of her and Simon. He looked at it and then turned to her, "Is this uh….." he picked up the picture and she couldn't be sure of the look on his face. She couldn't tell if he was jealous and she was surprised when a small part of her _wanted_ him to be jealous.

"Simon," she said throwing the onions into the pan with the rest of the ingredients and putting the lid on the pot, "My partner."

"Oh," said John putting the picture back, "I didn't know…is he here? I mean will he be back here?"

"No," she said walking over to him and looking at the picture which spelt out happier times, "No, we broke up."

"Recently?"

She nodded, bit her lip in an effort not to allow emotion to take her away. She felt his arm around her shoulders and he pulled her in, "I'm sorry Elizabeth," he said.

"Its okay," she said shrugging out of the embrace and walking back over to their food, "Its my fault really. I shouldn't have expected that he would be here when I came back."

Sheppard's eyes were hard and she thought she saw a flare of anger grace his features. Was that an overprotective look?

-------------

Elizabeth had helped John set up the couch for the night and they had said an uncomfortable goodnight. John had waited until she had gone upstairs and closed her bedroom door before he stripped down to his boxers. He slid into the bed which smelt of Elizabeth and rested his head on the pillow. He had never been to her house before, had never expected to come to her house, but now he was here he felt strangely comfortable in it. Comfortable with her.

If the SGC knew he was sleeping at her house he would probably be in the shit. They weren't supposed to fraternize as it was called, but then they were friends. But then so were he and Rodney, so why hadn't he knocked on _his_ door for a place to stay.

He had only just closed his eyes when he heard the click of a latch and something moving in the kitchen.

John stilled his breathing for a second to listen to the sounds.

Maybe she had a cat. She hadn't mentioned a cat.

After he heard distinctly non cat-like footsteps he flung the covers back in one quick motion and felt for his handgun. He'd managed to smuggle it out of the SGC when he shouldn't, but it was like a safety blanket and he felt he couldn't leave it behind. They had after all been through so much together.

He started towards the source of the noise and tip toed through to the kitchen. His heart was in his throat as he spied the open window and muddy footprints on the Formica. His breathing hitched and he moved around the kitchen with practiced stealth. He came up with nothing and just as he was about turn he could hear something now where he had previously been sleeping.

A drawer opening.

-----------------

Somebody was in the kitchen. He could hear their feet padding across the floor and he was damned if someone was going to hurt his Elizabeth. He was damned if somebody was going to steal from his house, especially when he was in it.

----------

John turned and walked into the sitting room, just as the figure of a silhouette stood in front of him. They regarded each other for a minute and John began to lower the weapon when he recognised the face. They had other ideas though and before he knew it something was being slammed down onto his head and before he could stop himself he went down to his knees. He could feel the blood pooling down his forehead, travelling down his nose and dripping onto the floor. Another thwack on the back of his head and he went down for good.

---------------

John could hear voices over his head and could feel hands on his head. The pain which radiated through his skull bought him to a swift consciousness and he had expected to be in the infirmary with Beckett hovering over him. Instead it was Elizabeth's worried face which lingered over his and to his detriment he realised he was still lying on the hard floor. His back now protesting the position, "Elizabeth?" he said reaching up a shaky hand and touching his head.

"Oh God, you're okay," she said.

John sat up slowly and remained sitting on the floor. A hand was thrust into his face and he looked up at his assailant, "I am so sorry," Simon said, "I thought you were a burglar."

John accepted the hand and allowed himself to be pulled up into a standing position. His legs buckled unsteadily and he fought to grab onto Elizabeth as she moved him over to the couch.

"Simon right?" asked John looking up at him and squinting into the light.

"Yes," he said looking down at his hands.

Elizabeth passed him some gauze for his head and he kept it in place, "You always sneak around your own house in the middle of the night?"

"I forgot my key," he said, "Elizabeth always leaves the window open in the kitchen." He said, "You shouldn't do that," Both men said in unison. Simon and John regarded each other with a confused look.

John pushed himself up off the couch and bent down to retrieve his fallen 9mil. He clicked the safety back on and reached for his trousers and started pulling them up.

"You let him have a weapon in the house?" asked Simon with a glare, "You hate guns."

John looked over to Elizabeth with an apologetic look, "Yeah sorry about that. Old habits die hard."

"John is military," said Elizabeth as if that would explain everything, but Simon looked less than satisfied as he had his hands crossed over his chest.

"What are you doing here?" asked Elizabeth now standing and wrapping her dressing gown around her tightly.

John's senses were only just reaching usual so it had taken him a while notice to realise that Elizabeth had a sexy silk gown on.

"This is my house too," said Simon.

"Which I threw you out of," said Elizabeth.

John stood between the two, his eyes moving from one to the other as if he were at a tennis match and he held his hands up and took a step back, "I'm going to take my concussed self into the other room."

Neither one of them acknowledged him as he walked away and he sat at the kitchen counter bleeding and listening to their ensuing argument.

"_Who's that?"_

"_He's my Commanding Officer, he didn't have anywhere else to go."_

Great, now he felt like a sad case.

"_And you think **I'm** an asshole for seeing someone else."_

John got up off the stool and found himself clenching his fists. That bastard.

"_I'm not seeing John,……..God Simon."_

"_You left and didn't tell me. Was I supposed to wait?"_

"_I didn't expect you too, but I did expect you to tell me before I came back, cooked you dinner and had sex with you."_

"_I'm sorry Liz, but I missed you."_

There was silence and John was starting to feel uncomfortable, as well as nauseous. He wondered whether or not he should be at a hospital right now. But then head wounds were always bleeders. Right?

"_He looks at you a certain way you know. He likes you. He was running around the god damn house protecting you."_

"_He thought you were a burglar."_

"_This is my house."_

"_Yes I know and once I go back to Atlantis you can have it because I sure as hell wont be back. I only wish Sedge could come with me. How is he?"_

"_Whining for you."_

"_You didn't have to take him."_

"_Like you said, you're leaving."_

There was silence again.

"_I still love you."_

"_I loved you," _There was silence again and John wondered whether they were kissing in there,_ "Please just go Simon."_

"_Leave you alone with him,"_

"_Yes."_

"_He's no good for you, cant even take care of himself. You seen the guys hair?"_

John walked over to the oven door and looked at his hair. What the hells wrong with my hair? This coming from a man whose hair is taking over his head. Talk about gross.

"_Simon, just go. I'll contact you about the house before I leave."_

"_Fine. I'll go."_

"_Thank you."_

John heard footsteps and then Simon peered into the kitchen, "I'm sorry about your head." He looked down at the floor before saying, "Take care of her."

John nodded, "I will."

Simon left and John was left standing in Elizabeth's kitchen. When he walked back through to the sitting room she was sitting on his bed, her head in her hands.

"You okay?" he asked sitting down beside her.

She parted her hands and looked over to him. Her eyes were red and brimming with tears.

"Hey don't cry," he said dropping the bloody rag and bringing her into a hug, "Its okay."

She buried her head into his chest and seemed to stifle sobs, "I feel so alone," she said into his t shirt.

"You're not," he said forcing her to look at him, "You're really not."

"I am," she said rubbing at her eyes.

John smiled, "Hey come on, I'm the guy that has no where to live remember, no family. I'm alone, you…..you have a whole city."

"So do you," she said looking up into his eyes.

He bought a hand up and with his thumb wiped away some fresh tears.

At the same time she placed a finger up to his head and touched his cut. It had stopped bleeding.

They were sitting in silence, staring at each other and Elizabeth's heart never beat so quickly in her chest. She so wanted to be close to someone right now, even if it was for one night, even if it was for this moment.

She tilted Johns head and kissed his forehead where a bruise was already beginning to form.

He seemed taken a back and pulled back slightly to study her face.

Where a tear had rolled down her cheek, he leant in and kissed it.

They looked at each other again and his eyes seemed to have a conversation with her. Asking her if it was okay.

She nodded.

His eyes seemed to ask if she was sure.

"Just for tonight."

He leant in and a moment before their lips met, their eyes connected, and she knew she wasn't alone.

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AN a bit of fluff, written late so don't know how it turned out. I'm verging a bit on shweir these days, don't know what up with that, but at the beginning of intruder did you notice the flirting going on? PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2

_Just fancied doing a bit more. It might be awful so I apologise in advance._

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John hadn't opened his eyes but he could feel the light flooding in from the window. He rolled over away from the light and onto his front, stretching out muscular arms and moaning lightly.

His brain was just beginning its tentative progress of waking up when he suddenly remembered where he was.

He cracked an eye open and could see the figure lying beside him, holding the covers up to her chest with both hands and staring up at the ceiling.

John licked his lips and took a moment to watch her. He knew she would be panicking about last night and he had to say, he too was starting to think of the repercussions. This would definitely be awkward in Atlantis…what was he talking about, it was awkward now.

"Uh…hi," he said quietly.

"Morning," Elizabeth said still staring at the ceiling and chewing on her lip.

Sheppard sat up slightly and bought a hand up to sweep it through his hair, "Are you….okay?"

He heard her make a little laugh noise and then she finally turned to him. Even without her make up and her hair mussed up like it was she still held an air of beauty. "I'm fine," she smiled, "You?"

John pulled the cover up to his own chest and started to stare at ceiling himself, "I'm fine."

"Good," she said, "That's good."

They lay in silence for a few minutes, both breathing heavily, their bodies almost touching.

"So," said John turning to her and smiling, his eyebrows knitted together in a way that told her he didn't know how to deal with this particular situation. Shove him through an event horizon with a gun and some explosives, pit him against the wraith, lock him in a room with Rodney and he'd be fine, but, wake up with your expedition leader, butt naked in bed and well….that was another story. "There was some drinking last night..after…….."

Elizabeth nodded, "Two bottles of wine," she said.

"Ah the wine," said John rubbing at his eyes. He was wondering about the headache.

"John we cant…..this cant get out," she said suddenly.

John breathed in shakily and turned his head towards the window, "Protocol," he said sitting up fully in the bed and stretching, "You want to forget about this?" he asked. Some small part of him hoped she would say no, but he knew, as well as she did that whilst they had a city to run it would never work.

"I was upset and lonely and then there was the drinking," she stuttered.

John held a hand up, "I get it," he said searching the room with his eyes for his clothes.

"And you just got promoted, how would that look if we-" she stopped and sat up abruptly, nearly dropping the covers.

John turned to her and reached out for one of her hands, "Do you regret what happened?"

She shook her head, "No," she said sadly, "But I regret the timing. I mean it John, we have to forget about this and look at it as a….blip."

"I'm a blip," said John standing up and walking across the room.

Elizabeth went to cover her eyes as John was completely naked but a part of couldn't help but continue to watch him as he pulled his boxers on.

"You're not a blip," she said reaching for her dressing gown and slipping it on whilst his back was turned.

"But it was a mistake," he said, "Look, I understand. I really do so we'll just forget this and get on with whatever it is we have to do…where are my clothes?" he asked frustrated.

Elizabeth walked over to him, "Thank you."

John rubbed his eyes wearily and leant in to give her kiss on the lips. "Just in case I never get to do it again," he said.

"You're clothes are downstairs," she said pointing to the stairs.

John nodded and walked down them slowly, throwing her glance over his shoulder as he descended.

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The doorbell rang as John was walking from the kitchen and into the living room. He shoved the piece of toast in his mouth he had in his hand and peered through the eyehole in the door. _Rodney!_

Rodney leant forward to look through the eyehole and John rolled his eyes, "Idiot," he muttered under his breathe.

"Who is it?" asked Elizabeth as she was walking down the stairs towards him. She was still drying off her hair.

"Its Rodney," said John.

"Rodney?" asked Elizabeth, "What's he doing here?"

John shrugged as the doorbell rang again.

"You better hide," said Elizabeth as she went to open the door.

John nodded and ran up the stairs.

"Rodney?" Elizabeth said as she opened the door.

"Ah Elizabeth," said Rodney pushing passed her and walking into the house before she could invite him in, "Nice house," he said looking around.

Elizabeth closed the door and turned to him, "What are you doing here?" She tried to sound friendly.

"Ah yes, well I was on my way into the SGC and I thought you might want a lift in. We have a lot to discuss after all," he said and looked at his watch, "Your house is on my way so I thought…."

Elizabeth nodded, "That's very thoughtful Rodney," she said crossing her arms across her chest.

"I've been trying to get in contact with Major Sheppard but it would seem he's unreachable."

"Really?" asked Elizabeth her eyes glancing at the stairs.

"He's probably shacked up with some woman no doubt. I don't think he has family around here," said Rodney thoughtfully and he picked up one of her picture frames, "Dog huh, I'm more of a cat person myself."

"I'm sure John is just enjoying being back on earth," she said taking the picture off him and setting it back down.

"You heard from him?"  
"No, why would I," she said a little too quickly.

"Right….." said Rodney, "So are you ready?"

Elizabeth nodded, "Let me just go and grab a jacket from upstairs and I'll be right with you."  
"I'll wait in the car."

Elizabeth raced up the stairs and found John sitting on the bed. He had been holding up one of her bra's (Which was on the bed when he got there) and dropped it quickly when she came in.

"Rodney dropped by to give me a lift up to SGC," she said pulling up clothes off a chair and searching for her jacket.

She found it and felt into the pockets and eventually threw him a set of keys, "Here."

"What are these for?" he asked looking at them.

"The keys to my car, so you can get to the SGC," she said.

-----------------

John had been wandering around Elizabeth's kitchen and stuffing his face with yet more toast when he heard the front door open and the presence of a figure behind him. He turned slowly and gulped down the toast he had in his mouth, "Simon," he said.

Simon put his keys on the side and scanned the room. He was most likely looking for Elizabeth. "What are you still doing here?"

"Hi to you too," said John reaching for his coffee mug before Simon could pour it down the drain.

"Is Elizabeth here?" he asked starting to clear away the mess John had made.

"No she left for work. I was just about to follow." That had sounded so domestic to him, as if he and Elizabeth were married.

He leant against the table top and watched the man in front of him.

Somehow he had never imagined that Elizabeth would be with a man like this. He looked too old and overweight and he had already established he had _really_ bad hair.

"She left you here, on your own?" Simon sighed and cleared the dishes into the dishwasher.

"Yeah you caught me right before I was about to take the TV and stereo. You don't mind do you?" John took a sip of his coffee.

Simon just looked at him and gave him a small scowl, "Well there's nothing to stop you from leaving now is there?" he said walking into the sitting room.

John picked up his mug and followed him, "Well I'm just going to wait till I digest my food, plus I do have a headache from last night," said John rubbing at the little bruise and cut just on his hairline.

"Yeah, sorry about that," said Simon as he walked over to a drawer and started going through it. He stopped for a moment and without turning asked, "How is Elizabeth?"

Sheppard set his mug aside, "She's a strong woman." And then he clarified, "She's fine," crossing his arms over his chest, "I'm taking care of her now."

Simon laughed, "Yeah I'm sure you are."

John narrowed his eyes and shot daggers at Simons back, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that."

"It wouldn't be hard to do a better job than you," said Sheppard walking back through to the kitchen with the empty mug.

His remark had had the desired effect and Simon ran through from the other room and leant against the doorframe, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I know you cheated on her," said John.

Simon walked over to him and stood inches away from his face, "That's nothing to do with you."

John smiled, "You hurt her, so you hurt me. Do get me?"

Simon's jaw was quivering and he took a step back to run his hand through his mop head, "I didn't know where she was."

"Fine then you tell her you're seeing someone else before she puts her heart on the line like that again. She wanted you to come to Atlantis you know."

Simon scratched his head, "I know."

They stood together, both men looking off in different directions.

"I need to get my boots," said John and he walked towards the stairs.

Simon didn't miss a beat, "Why are they up there?"

John stopped on the first step and inwardly cursed himself.

But then, Elizabeth had said she didn't want anybody on _Atlantis_ to find out. She hadn't said anything about anyone else. "They just are," he said climbing the steps quickly.

When he came back down Simon was pacing in the sitting room, "You and her?"

John shook his head and reached for the keys for Elizabeth's car, "I'm going now."

Simon walked over to him and jabbed a finger into his chest, "Not until I get answers. You and her?"

John looked down at the finger and gently extricated it from his chest, "Goodbye Simon."

"I want to know." Simon shouted whilst following him out of the door.

"Is that Elizabeth's?" he asked pointing to a red car.

Simon nodded, "Yes, tell me what happened?"

John put the key in the lock and turned to Simon, "Elizabeth doesn't need you. She's moving on."

"Are you two together?" said Simon, "Because I know for the past year she's been away with you."

John got into the car, wound down the window and said, "Bye Simon." before reversing out of the drive.

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_I might do more. What do you think? Any ideas?_


	3. Chapter 3

Simon pursued him down the drive and John slammed his foot on the brakes so he wouldn't run the guy over.

_Although _it certainly was tempting.

Simon ran over to the window and John wound it down, all the while sighing and cursing and trying to paint on a smile, "Simon," he said as calmly as possible.

"You can't just take Elizabeth's car," he said panting from the exertion.

The guy had run what two feet and he was out of breath. _Loser._

"Its okay, she said I could use it to get to the base," he said trying not lose what little of his last nerve remained.

"She said it was okay?" said Simon. He stood there thoughtfully and it was evident that he didn't want John to leave. They had unfinished business.

"You might have a concussion. You shouldn't drive," said Simon grasping at those last straws.

John reached up to touch his head and probed the bruise he knew was there.

John sighed, shut off the engine and then calmly got out of the car, "What is it you have to say to me Simon? I have a conference to get to and it starts in-," he looked at his watch, "Well it started not so long ago so-"

"I just want to talk about you and Elizabeth," he said glancing up and down the street as if there might be people listening in the bushes.

John followed his gaze and slammed the door shut. He rested against the bonnet and crossed his arms, "Why don't you ask Elizabeth?"

Simon scrubbed a hand through his hair, "She won't talk to me."

"Well that's not my problem," said John. He went to open the car door and found a hand wrapping around his bicep and stopping him.

"You and her. You'll be going back to Atlantis together, practically living together and I need to know if you two will be-"

John wrenched his arm free and turned to Simon, "What would it have to do with you anyway?" He found his hand lying on his calf holster and the gun that sat snugly there, "Elizabeth can do what she likes."

Simon was frantic and he took his anger out on the car, kicking the front wheel hard and letting a groan escape his mouth.

John didn't want this to escalate into violence. He was a fairly laid back kind of guy, but he knew his own anger was fiery and dangerous if he let it the better of him.

Just look at Koyla and his men.

He counted to ten before speaking.

"Look Simon, you cheated on her and-"

"I didn't cheat on her!" Simon practically screamed and John bought his hand up to rub the bridge of his nose, "I didn't know she was coming back. She sent me a message to say to move on and-"

"You moved on," said John, "And pretty quickly I might add."

That was the wrong thing to say and as soon as the words had slipped from his mouth he inwardly called himself an ass.

He felt the initial sting as Simon landed a fist in his face. His head snapped back and when he straightened it he could feel blood running down his nose and over his lip. He waited a beat before grabbing Simon by the arm, turning him around and slamming him face first onto the bonnet. Simon struggled and John held him there for a moment, "Hey, I'll let you go if you promise not to do that again," said John, his anger piqued but under control.

A little old lady came out of her house from across the road and saw the two men, "Simon, are you okay?"

Simon looked up from the bonnet, "Yes Mrs Arnold, everything's fine. You go back inside now."

John let Simon go and gave her a little wave and his most charming smile. She seemed placated by it and disappeared inside.

John turned back to Simon who was rubbing his cheek, "I'm sorry," he muttered.

John wiped at the blood on his chin and looked it with incredulity, "I'm not a piñata," he said with a shake of his head.

Simon held his hands out in a gesture of peace and turned away from him.

"Look, I never meant to hurt Elizabeth but I did and _yes_ I should have told I had met someone else but…..I was so surprised to see her."

John continued to rub his jaw, "Look, it's all over now. You have someone and Elizabeth…she has Atlantis and lots of friends, so I wouldn't worry about her pining over you." John looked at the car thoughtfully before turning back to him.

"Atlantis," said Simon quietly. The realisation that it was so far away hitting him with force.

"Yeah, I'm kinda sorry you got clearance for that one," said John.

"Is it as amazing as she made it out to be?"

John stepped forward, "And more."

Simon was rubbing at his eyes, emotion draining what little energy he had left, "She mentioned you, you know. On the tape she sent."

"She did?" John was surprised at this new information and even though he knew he had to get going, couldn't help but stand around and listen to more.

"She said you had put your life on the line to save them all. That you had saved her life."

John nodded, "Well, that's my job."

Simon's eyes connected with his, "You saving her. I can't help feel there was a little more than obligation to it."

John looked down at the road surface and tried to think up an answer which would leave Simon satisfied but he couldn't, "I like Elizabeth. I respect her."

"I don't want to let her go. I still love her."

John finally having enough of the conversation got in the car, "Simon, you made your choice."

"She chose to leave me," he snapped.

"And the moment you _chose_ to stay on earth was the moment you chose to leave her."

He started up the car.

"Look, you really shouldn't drive with that head injury."

"I don't have a headache," John shook his head, "I have somewhere I need to be."

"I'm going to talk to Elizabeth tonight, when she gets in."

John nodded and took the car out of park, "Good luck with that. You'll need it." And drove off.

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John was breathing heavily when he drove away from Elizabeth's house and looked in the rear view mirror to see Simon standing there dejectedly. He turned out of the street and shook his head.

It had certainly been a strange evening, night and well the morning just topped it off nicely.

He was confused. He had never thought about him and Elizabeth in that way before. Well, he _had_, but he never entertained the idea that they might seal the deal as it were.

Elizabeth had said it was because she was lonely, but then she had said if the timing was better there might be a chance for them.

Hell, it was all a big mess.

What was worse was he couldn't decide whether he had taken advantage of her last night in that state, he was sure he hadn't. He had silently asked and she had consented but she was also extremely fragile. Did that make her consent any less valid?

His head hurt and he rubbed at his eyes as he continued to drive.

Perhaps he shouldn't have riled Simon like that. Ah on second thoughts, of course he should have. What he wanted to do was punch him in the face but common sense told him not to be that stupid.

Elizabeth had been with Simon for a reason and he wondered what that could have been. He had never outright asked her about how and when and why, but he figured something was there to sustain them.

He knew Simon was a Doctor, so he was smart. _I'm smart, I could have joined MENSA._ Simon had horrible hair. _I have good hair._ Simon cheated on her. _I would never cheat on her._ Simon had had her love. _Ah crap!_

What was he thinking? Elizabeth wouldn't want him. He was reckless, defied her authority, was cocky and even though he was an adult couldn't help but bicker with Rodney. Another adult. God, they were kids. Plus his job was dangerous and if he was with her she'd worry herself into an early grave.

As if she'd want him. After all he was a blip, a mistake and she had told him as much that morning.

He blinked heavily against a sudden burst of pain in his head and tried to concentrate on the road in front of him. Double vision told him something wasn't right and when he could feel himself loosing the battle to consciousness he realised he shouldn't be driving. _Simon was right? _He still had a concussion and it was Simon pestering which forced him out of the house before he felt ready.

He tried to shake his head and took his foot off the accelerator to slow his speed.

By then it proved too late and as his eyes slipped closed he saw the intersection up ahead.

---------

The conference was droning on and Elizabeth nervously looked at her watch. John should have been here by now.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Caldwell leaned in from beside her and whispered, "I would hope that Major Sheppard would show more urgency if there was call for it."

Elizabeth leant in to him and said coolly, "That's Lt. Colonel now."

Caldwell leant back to his previous position and they continued to listen to the scientist who was explaining his ideas for Atlantis. Rodney she could see was having a hard time swallowing the guys theories and he finally stood up, raising a finger and shaking his head slowly, "You've got to be kidding me. Who drew this up? A child? I mean this wouldn't work….at all." He continued his rant whilst Elizabeth watched as an Airman walked into the room. His eyes were searching the table and finally his eyes set on Elizabeth's.

"Is there a problem?"

She got up and walked over to the airman, and he nervously shuffled from one foot to the other. "I just received a report that your vehicle was involved in an automobile accident."

_TBC – you asked for it, you got it._


	4. Chapter 4

Pain.

He was moving but barely registered it.

The ceiling above him blurred so he had to be. Either that or he was really screwed.

He felt so far away from everything, hands were touching him and there were pinches at his skin and lights in his eyes.

Something cumbersome was placed over his face which made it easier to breathe but he didn't want it there. He tried to pull it off but hands restrained his own and a voice told him to relax.

He couldn't remember what had happened. His brain felt fuzzy and the confusion washed over him in waves, "Beckett?" he managed to say but his voice was muffled by the mask.

The movement stopped and he was being lifted from one place to another. He could feel something being injected into his arm and he reflexively pulled away. His t shirt was being torn open, he could hear the ripping of it and something was being placed onto his skin.

All in all he hoped he was being medically treated or he would have sworn he was being abused.

There was that light in his eyes again and this time he managed to get in a good slap at the face hovering over him, "Where's Beckett?" he asked.

"I'm Doctor Lewis, can you tell me your name?"

_My name_, "Lt Colonel John Sheppard," he said and sucked in a painful breath, "You should know that. What happened did I crash a jumper?"

The Doctor above him looked over to his medical staff and they exchanged puzzled looks at the extent of the patient's obvious confusion.

John closed his eyes shut and breathed through a spike of pain which lanced through his chest as he breathed.

"Did I crash a puddle jumper?" he asked again as his boots were pulled off.

"Do you know where you are?" the Doctor asked him.

John sighed and pulled up the mask to speak, "Of course I do. I'm on Atlantis."

The Doctor was now getting worried, "I need you to do a cat scan immediately."

John tried to move his head but a neck brace and spinal board had him immobilised. His mind was trying to piece together the fragments of the day. As he tried to co-ordinate his disordered thoughts his eyes managed a moments focus on the ceiling tiles above him.

A realisation hit him.

He had spent enough time in the infirmary to know that he wasn't in the infirmary,

"I'm in the hospital," he said suddenly.

The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief, "Yes you are. You had a car accident."

With a sickening clarity he remembered the sensation as the car was hit from the side but knew soon after he had passed out.

"Okay people we need a cat scan, c spine, tox screen, pelvis and chest x ray." He listened as the Doctor reeled off a list of other tests and by then his focus was swimming.

------------------------

He must have passed out after that because the next time he woke up the people had gone and he was in a hospital room.

He had barely opened his eyes when he felt movement over his head and somebody's wrist brushed against the top of his hair as they disconnected one of the machines. He heard a flat line and momentarily lay completely still. _I'm not dead am I? I'm sure id know if I was._

He opened his eyes slowly and attempted to blink away the vestiges of sleep.

A hand on his shoulder and he turned as his vision started to come into focus. He licked his lips before attempting to speak, "Beckett?"

Carson smiled and gave John's shoulder a squeeze, "Aye its me," he said.

John started to sit up and got up on one elbow before a crushing pain in his chest sent him sprawling back into bed with a gasp, "Ow," he managed to say and tentatively poked the area in question. Carson gave him a sympathetic look whilst John tried to acclimatise himself to his surroundings, "I'm in a hospital?"

Carson nodded, "You were bought in earlier today. What do you remember?"

John shifted in the bed to try and find a position where his ribs weren't trying to poke his lungs and pulled a face as he tried to piece together fragments of his memory, "I was driving," he said and then bought a hand up to the bridge of his nose whilst he thought, "I think I passed out."

"You had a car accident," he said as he adjusted one of the monitors and then switched it off.

John thought it was odd to see Carson in anything other that a white coat. The normal day wear took him by surprise.

"Right, I think I remember that," he said and closed his eyes as an image came to mind. "Not that I'm not happy to see you Doc, but why are you here?"

"I'd like to know the same thing?" He heard the voice from behind Carson and as he spun around, John managed to get back up on his one elbow and he found the name slipping out of his mouth before he could stop himself, "Simon."

Simon walked into the room and gave off a demeanour of _Im all business_ before picking up Johns chart. "I want to know why you're tampering with the machines?"

"I'm Doctor Carson Beckett," said Carson holding out his hand.

Simon took it and gave him a curt nod, "Doctor Simon Wallace," he looked over to John, "I told you not to drive with a concussion."

John sat up fully now despite the pain, "Well, I guess you win then," he said and smiled widely. It was Carson's look at him which told him to knock it off.

"Are you the _same_ Simon Wallace?" asked Carson not wishing to add anymore.

Simon nodded, "Yes, I am."

Carson smiled ruefully, "I would have been happy to have you as part of my medical team on…" he paused and nodded, not wanting to say the A word.

John rolled his eyes, "So are either of you going to tell me how im doing or should I guess?" asked John.

He instinctively started to peel back the covers. He looked down at the gown he was wearing with disgust and promptly pulled the covers back up.

"You have two broken ribs, a laceration on your hairline which required stitching and general scrapes and bruises. You were extremely lucky," said Simon.

John plucked at the covers and stared at the foot of his bed, "Yeah Im..uh sorry about your car."

"Your car?" asked Carson his eyes going between the two men.

"Yes," said Simon not wishing to elaborate.

They stood in silence and the three men all either cleared their throats and looked the other way just generally avoiding eye contact. That is until Carson finally decided to speak, "I've come here to discuss Lt. Colonel Sheppard's secondary care."

Simon looked over to John, "What are you talking about?"

John smiled and pushing the bed covers aside he hooked his legs over the edge of the bed, "Ah I get to go," he said starting to stand up.

"No you don't," said Carson, "Not yet and don't think you've gotten off a lecture from me," he said crossing his arms. "Driving with a concussion." He turned back to Simon, "Sheppard has a note on his file does he not instructing anyone who works on him in the ER to call my number?"

Simon nodded.

"Well due to the very sensitive nature of the work we do, Sheppard will be transferred to an alternative site to resume his treatment."

John crossed his arms over his chest, remembered his ribs and heaved in a heavy breath.

"You cant just come in here and take my patients," said Simon.

The two Doctors were squaring up to each other.

"Its okay Simon I really don't mind leaving." Said John raising a hand.

Carson took a step forward, "Doctor Wallace, you don't have any choice in the matter I'm afraid. Now if you'll excuse me I must organise some transport. John, I'll be back in a wee while."

John nodded weakly.

Simon stood dumbfounded for a moment and he slowly placed his chart back on the end of his bed without saying a word.

"Look Simon, I really am sorry about the car," said John in apology.

Simon waved a hand at him, "That's okay, I'm sure you'd be more than willing to pay for the repairs."

John swallowed and sidled back onto the bed. _With what? For the last two years ive had nowhere to live. _"Sure,"_ I'll be back in Atlantis soon._

"You know you left before I could finish talking to you this morning."

John smiled and tried to restrain the scowl he knew was coming, "Talking or punching?"

Simon bowed his head, "I wanted to tell you, that whatever happens with me and Elizabeth is none of your business."

"Elizabeth is the expedition leader. Her welfare affects everybody, so I think you'll find that when it comes to matters like this, Im involved."

Simon walked over to John and took his stethoscope out, "I need you to lean forward so I can listen to your chest." He was trying to assert some kind of authority and knowing that it would soon be taken away from him John couldn't resist being awkward.

"You should ask Doctor Beckett if you can do that."

"In this hospital, right now, Im the Doctor and not Elizabeth's boyfriend, so if you could please-" he began to say.

"Ex boyfriend," said John. He couldn't help it. He was tired and irritable and the one lined sarcastic remarks wouldn't stop pouring out of his mouth.

Simon gritted his teeth and took a step back.

"Plus you're the one who made this personal. About five minutes ago when you said Elizabeth was none of my business." He moved too quickly and felt the tug of pain at his side, but attempted to hide it.

"I still have a responsibility to give you primary care and make all of the necessary checks before you are transported elsewhere."

John nodded, "Like I said, you'll have to ask _my_ Doctor."

"You are deliberately being difficult," said Simon and he walked towards the door.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said John sitting back and getting comfortable.

Simon shook his head, "Just don't move."

When he had left the room John deliberately moved over in the bed and waved his hands around a bit. _Im moving. What are you going to do about it Sim-ow!_ He reached down and grabbed at his side and breathed through the pain. _Not smart._

Elizabeth walked into the room and he smiled, "Hey,"

"John," she said practically running over to the bed. She grabbed his arm and he could feel her thumb gently caressing his skin, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine," He nodded. Their eyes met. "I'm sorry about your car."

She blinked through tearful eyes, "Don't worry about it. Simon loved it more than me," she said and went to touch his face.

She had feared the worst upon hearing that he had been in an accident, but to see him alive and well was all she could have hoped for. Just as her fingers were centimetres from his skin she heard a voice behind her and her hand snapped down to her side in one fluid motion. When she turned there was nobody there, but her heart pounding in her chest was enough to tell her she had been too close.

She didn't know how she felt about the man in front of her.

"Rodney bought me," she said trying to change the subject.

"Yeah? Where is he?" he asked looking around her and towards the door.

"He got distracted by the canteen," she said, "He's been asking me questions all the way here."

"Why I was driving your car huh?"

She nodded and licked her lips, "I think he knows."

John reached out his hand and took hers in his own. "Don't worry about Rodney."

She pulled out of his grasp and walked away, wrapping her arms around herself, "Im worried John." She looked at him over her shoulder.

John pushed the covers aside and managed to get out of the bed. He was surprised when she didn't try to stop him and before glancing at the door he walked over to her unsteadily and touched her shoulders, "Its okay, nobody will find out."

She turned suddenly and looked him up and down. His hair was mussed up more than usual, his eyes looked tired, he was wearing one of those backless gowns and he still had socks on his feet. In a word he looked pretty ridiculous, but she couldn't reign in the part of her that so desperately wanted to be with him, despite situation and circumstance.

He was leaning to the side at an awkward angle and she went over to stop him from falling. He leant heavily on her and when they got back to the bed he turned to her. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug. "Whatever you want to do is okay by me," he said into her hair.

She could feel his hot breath on her neck and the day old stubble of his cheek on hers. "What if I don't know what I want?" she said quietly.

John rested his head down onto her shoulder and breathed in her scent, "Then I'll wait."

They were interrupted by somebody clearing their throat and both of them leapt back as quickly would allow. Elizabeth turned first and saw Simon stood there, "I was just helping him back to bed," she said pushing a hand through her hair and feeling herself blush.

Simon's eyes conveyed that he didn't believe her, "I see, " he said walking over to John, "I need to do that examination now."

John nodded and got back into bed whilst looking over Simons shoulder to Elizabeth.

"If you could wait outside," said Simon to Elizabeth.

Her eyes connected with her former lovers and she realised how much they had both changed in the time that she had been a way. She nodded, swallowed the lump in her throat and left the room.

Once out in the corridor she sat down on one of the chairs and put her head in her hands.

She had never been so confused in all of her life.

**TBC**

_Had real trouble writing this chapter. Next chapter I hope to get them back on Atlantis- with a few surprises-so apologises in an advance if I've made a mess of this chapter. Comes to something when its easier to write about Atlantis the place rather than Earth!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Continues directly after the episode INTRUDER finished_.

------------------------------

Weeks had passed and they were finally back in Atlantis. John had recovered well from his accident and bar the complications aboard the Daedalus on the way home, they'd made it in one piece.

John had taken a tablet from Teyla detailing information on Ford and his possible whereabouts and Elizabeth had disappeared up into her office to talk to Zelenka.

John had waited until the coast was clear before approaching her office slowly and knocking on the pane of glass. She looked up from her desk and gave him a wary smile, "Hey."

"Hey," he said walking into her office, "So-" he paused, looked over his shoulder quickly and then stepped up to her desk, "So I just wanted to make sure that you and I were okay."

Elizabeth seemed caught off guard by the question and she flashed a shade of red before reigning in composure, "We're fine," she said.

"Good," he said standing awkwardly in front of her, "Because you know, I wouldn't want things to be weird between us or anything." _Like this,_ he thought.

"Oh no, weird," she laughed and turned her eyes down again, "We're good."

"Good," _You already said that a moment a go you idiot and she just said it then. Shut up and get out._ "I wouldn't want this to affect our working relationship."

She stood up and closed the distance between them, "We agreed that it was a moment of weakness on both our parts. I'd just broken up with Simon and-"

"I was concussed," _Concussed. Now she thinks you slept with her because you were brain damaged…damn it, fix it, _"I mean, I was-"

She touched his arm, "I know what you meant John."

He looked down at where her fingers were barely touching him and she noticed too and retracted them quickly. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she walked back over to her chair, "So we just carry on as before."

He nodded, chewed his lip. _I don't want to, _"Sure," he said backing out of the room, "I'll see you in the debriefing later."

-----------------------

John entered his quarters, threw his bag across the room, and continued to pace back and forth. "Idiot," he muttered as he walked the small space.

He didn't know what was wrong with him but he had to snap out of it. Since spending the night with Elizabeth, since _waking_ up beside her, he hadn't been able to get her out of his mind. Just being close to her was enough to drive his senses into a frenzy and he feared for himself and for Atlantis's security when his brain didn't seem to be working properly.

_You have feelings for her. You're trying to deny it but you know you have feelings for her. What was all that flirting you were doing on the Daedalus on the way back? Leaning over your coffees and sharing longing glances. Oh you got it bad._

"I do not have it bad," he said to himself.

There was a knock at his door and he stalked over to it, palmed it open and leant against the doorframe, "Rodney," he said.

Rodney barged passed him and into the room, "So what happened on earth?"

John raised his eyebrows and allowed a look of confusion to pass over his face in a bid to convince Rodney he had no idea what he was talking about.

"You know, you disappearing the minute we got back, you crashing the car. That kind of thing." He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for a response.

"Oh," he said hunching over and gripping his side, "My ribs are –"

"Stop trying to squirm out of this," Rodney said.

Sheppard straightened up and sighed, "It's a long and very complicated story. One which I'm not going to share with you."

"I know it was Elizabeth's car," said Rodney with a hint of smugness.

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Well I was…."_ Taking it for it's service, taking it for a spin, doing a car pool, getting it cleaned, _"Borrowing it. Because I don't have a car."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Ask Elizabeth herself then," said John crossing his own arms and smiling equally as smugly.

"Something is going on and I'm going to find out what it is."

"You do that," said John as Rodney left.

He checked his watch. An hour till the debriefing.

He walked into his bathroom and ran a hand through his hair. _Got to look your best now. _

_--------------------------------------_

Elizabeth checked her appearance in the mirror. She smoothed down her hair and checked to make sure she didn't have any of her lunch in her teeth. She stopped suddenly, realised what she was doing, and also realised that she never went to this much effort just for a briefing.

She didn't know what was going on with her. Her mind felt confused and she was normally so controlled and calm.

Simon had made her off balance. The revelation that he had led her on and had indeed been sleeping with someone else had hurt her more than she had thought. She may have told him to move on, but some part of her had thought he would be waiting for her. She knew it had been unrealistic to think that that would be the case, but when she had been set straight she was disappointed.

John showing up had made her even more off keel. Of all the people he could have chosen to stay with, he chose her. He'd instantly been receptive to her mood and known how to make her feel better.

Sleeping with him had been a mistake, but after the fact, it was a happy one. It was just a shame they couldn't see if it would go anywhere.

Protocol, after all, dictated that she would not be able to have a relationship with her 2IC.

_Girl, you got it bad._

-------------------

Rodney had been talking non stop for the past twenty minutes and John was about ready to die of boredom. The debriefing was meant to be a catch up for all of those who had been away but Rodney was taking the opportunity to propose some mission to some planet somewhere. _Or something._ John didn't really know, he'd lost his train of thought after the first minute of Rodney speaking at light speed.

He stifled a yawn and caught Elizabeth looking his way. As soon as they made eye contact she looked back to Rodney and continued to nod her head to whatever he was saying.

Sheppard smiled. _She's watching you._

She looked over again and quickly looked down.

John picked up the notepad in front of him and wrote on it. He then folded it over and slipped it over to Elizabeth, attempting to look as professional as possible in the process. Nobody else was looking, or listening anymore.

Elizabeth reached for the note and opened it up. John had written: _Bored yet?_

She smiled and crushed it into a ball and John feigned a hurt look. She gave him a look of warning before turning her attention back to Rodney.

John wasn't going to be ignored that easily. He wrote down something else, debated whether or not he should show her, and pushed the note over to her. She rolled her eyes and read it, blushing when she saw the content: _I think you're pretty._

"Rodney," she said clearing her throat.

Rodney's sentence tailed off at the end and he raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"I think we get the gist. I'll have a look at your notes and make a decision."

"Oh okay," he said picking up his files off the table and putting them down in front of her.

As everyone else left the room John stayed sat at the table, knowing he must have over stepped his mark.

"That was unprofessional," she said holding the note up.

"I know, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Elizabeth stood up and he mirrored her, "You're making this very difficult," she said gathering up the files into her arms.

John stopped one of them from slipping and noted his close proximity to her, "Making what difficult?" He feigned ignorance.

"You and I can't be together." She stated it simply as fact.

John didn't say anything.

"You're confusing me," she said as she headed for the door.

"I won't be unprofessional from now on. Scouts honour."

"You're not a member of the boy scouts," she said with a spreading smile.

"No, okay." He looked passed her and into the busy gate room, "Look, maybe I'm being unprofessional because ……..I like you." _There you said it. Be prepared to be let down._

"I like you too," she shot back.

"You do?" _Okay, that was unexpected._

"I don't normally have one night stands," she said stepping into the debriefing room and speaking quietly, "But protocol-"

"Yeah," he nodded and licked his lips. He noticed she mimicked him. "I know."

"So we'll have to restrain ourselves."

"Restrain ourselves, " Muttered John stepping up to her and taking in a deep breath. He could smell her fruity shampoo.

"Yes," she said breathing in his aftershave and closing her eyes. She was captivated by him and she couldn't step away, even though the better half of her brain was screaming at her to be more discreet. She realised in that moment that she wanted him to touch her. She wanted some kind of contact and she could sense that he wanted it to. As his hand reached over to brush her fingers, her earpiece crackled to life.

"_Elizabeth?"_

She jumped back and realised that somebody could have seen them standing together so intimately, "Yes?" She listened for a moment before looking up at John, "I've got to go."

TBC

_Okay so it's short, but it shows I'm continuing with this. Updates will be here but just not every day. I have to admit some bad criticism made me question whether to continue with this, a lot of people don't seem to understand the concept of fan fiction, but I decided to continue for those who like it._


	6. Chapter 6

John couldn't sleep. He'd tossed and turned, achieving nothing more than tangled sheets. He'd probably spend the rest of the year trying to straighten them out.

As he'd pulled on his trousers, weirdly enough getting those tangled too, he started to think about how complicated everything had become lately. Complicated in the sense that he wanted to be with Elizabeth and she was panicking about it.

He walked out onto the balcony and over to the railings to lean and to think.

"Couldn't sleep?"

He jumped and let out a shaky breath when he realised Elizabeth was also leaning against the railing. He wondered whether part of him subconsciously knew she would be here. After all, he had just taken two transporters to get to this particular balcony when there was a balcony within walking distance of his room.

"No," he said giving her a side long glance. He found himself thinking back to the last time she had asked him that. They'd been aboard the Daedalus and had been indulging in some heavy flirting.

"Me either."

He hesitantly moved down to stand beside her, their hips practically touching, "What's wrong?"

Elizabeth bit her lip and looked over to him. "As if you have to ask."

"Worrying about the wraith huh?" he said seriously and kept his eyes focused ahead.

Elizabeth batted his arm and resumed her leaning, their hips now touching.

"Sorry," he said with a brief smile. She could tell he wasn't.

Their hands were nearly touching but John restrained himself from reaching out and interlinking fingers. The move would be natural but he wasn't sure how Elizabeth would take it.

"We've been close before," she said reasoning out loud, "I mean, we've always been able to be straight with each other."

"I'd like to think so."

"And us being close has never compromised a mission or a decision we've had to make. We've disagreed on plenty of occasions."

"True."

There was a comfortable silence.

"What are you trying to say Elizabeth?" he asked, turning to her.

She looked up at him with bright eyes, "I don't know." She heaved in a sigh. "This has happened _so_ suddenly."

"I'd like to think it's been coming for a while," said John.

She looked up at him and examined his face. Whatever he was thinking, he was hiding it well.

"I'm no good at all of this," she said blushing. "I'm going to go to bed."

John brushed her hand with his little finger, "Night."

She stood there for a moment, looking at the side of his face. His strong jaw line, his side burns, the floppy hair. The fact that she was attracted to him was so apparent now. How had she denied these feelings for so long? _Diplomacy_, she thought wryly. "Night," she said going to leave.

"Do you …….uh……. fancy getting some coffee?" he asked turning to face her. He looked like a high school kid asking a girl out to the prom. He was shuffling from one foot to the other and his hands were moving nervously. Elizabeth always thought of John Sheppard as strong and commanding. The fact that he was having problems just commanding that sentence had shivers moving down her spine.

------------

They had taken the coffee to her room. Both of them knew that they wouldn't be able to ignore what had happened on earth and it was time to talk straight, without Atlantis' prying ears.

Elizabeth sat on her bed and John pulled a chair around next to her. He sat back cupping the coffee in his hands and she crossed her legs.

"We made it weird then?" said John taking a sip of his coffee and nearly scorching his tongue.

"I really don't know what to do about this," she answered honestly.

"Neither do I," he said looking over the top of his mug, "Well I _do_ know, but I'm not so sure it would be entirely appropriate."

Elizabeth couldn't help but blush. There was sexual tension in the room you could cut with a knife. Hell, you'd need a machete to cut this bad boy down.

"Okay so we blurred the lines of a professional working relationship. How do you feel about that?"

"Direct," said Elizabeth.

"I'm a direct kind of guy," he said raising an eyebrow. _Now she thinks you're easy!_

"I liked it."

"Me too." _Too eager. Sound nonchalant John, nonchalant!_

"I just feel like this is moving so fast. Before we went to earth, I liked you, but I'd never really thought of you and me as us."

"So that's why you wanted me to come to Atlantis," he raised an eyebrow, "The whole gene thing was just convenient huh?"

She chuckled softly, unafraid to let her defences down, "You're _not_ helping."

"I'm not trying to," he said with a sly grin, "So you want there to be an….us?"

"I just broke up with a guy I was with for five years. I don't think I've mourned it properly."

"You were away for the year," he said balancing the mug on his knee, "And you haven't answered my question."

She rubbed her eyes wearily, "Do you want there to be an us?"

"Do you want me, to want there, to be an us?"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"I didn't quite hear that?" he said putting his coffee down on the floor beside him, "Was that a yes?"

"You know it was," she said, "You have to understand. I really loved him and he hurt me." She pushed the lump down in her throat and fought the sob which was boiling under the surface. Unspoilt tears clouded her vision and the next thing she knew, John was cupping her hands in his.

"Simon was a jerk!"

She looked up at him and sniffed.

"What? He was. And as an interested party I can say that. _Look_ what he's given up," he looked down at their hands. He'd never been close to anyone. He'd had a tumultuous relationship with his father, his mother having died when he was eleven, and he made friends easily but never gave anything away. He doubted Rodney, who he considered his best friend here, even knew him. His relationships with women had been quick and non-committal. Sitting here with Elizabeth was the first time in his life he could honestly say he wasn't thinking about running.

"If the SGC find out we-," she paused.

"Had fun?" he finished.

"They could send either of us back and have us replaced. I don't think I could return to earth."

"Ah we'll gate off to some unknown planet, live in a mud hut, scavenge for berries and –" he caught her expression and paused, "I'd worry about you even if I wasn't with you. Think about that."

"Another reason. We start something. What happens when one day you don't come through the gate?"

"What happens when I'm off-world and something comes through the gate?."

She withdrew her hands and John sat back to retrieve his coffee.

"Look, I say we kiss. One more time for experimentations sake and if it's awkward then we just call it a day and then our decision is made."

"Interesting experiment. I can't help but think you have an ulterior motive."

"I'm just trying to help you _think_. I'm not going to pressure you on this Elizabeth."

"Okay," She dropped her hands.

"Okay?"

John moved off the chair and knelt down in front of her. She lowered her head and he reached up to cup either side of her face, "So if this feels _wrong_ then we know," he said.

They inched closer and closer until their lips were barely touching, "Okay," she said breathlessly.

"If this is rubbish, we're going to be really embarrassed."

John planted a soft kiss at the side of her mouth before saying, "I'm a great kisser I'll have you know."

She rubbed a hand through his hair, "I seem to remember."

Johns licked his lips and then parted them slightly as he moved forwards. Hers were soft on his, tentative and slow. It felt completely and frustratingly natural. As they hungrily moved closer, John moved up onto the bed and put his hands over hers.

"This is a really diff-_kiss-_icult decision."

John stroked her cheek with his thumb, "I know," he said, "I think I need more time to decide."

"We're in so much trouble," she said as he kissed her neck softly, brushing her hair away from just under her ear and biting her earlobe.

She kissed him on his hairline, wanting more and knowing they should stop.

They pulled back, both breathless and John stood up abruptly, "Well that was _interesting_."

"You made a very compelling case."

"Its not my fault my skills extend far beyond the boundaries of piloting and using my gene." He paced back and forth, shooting her glances as he moved.

"This is your fault," she said dropping her head into her hands.

"_My_ fault?"

"You kissed me in the first place."

"You said it was okay."  
"I," she paused and smiled, "What now Mr hot shot pilot?"

"I'm going go to bed."  
She raised an eyebrow.

"No, not like that. I'm going to go to bed before I want to _jump_ you. It wouldn't look too good if the commanding officer came out of the expeditions leaders room in the morning."  
"You're assuming I'd let you."

"Hey, you would. That kiss was conclusive proof."

"You realise you just outlined the exact problem we'll have if we start something."

"If?"

"Go to bed John."  
He smiled widely and then quickly grabbed her by her cheeks and planted another kiss on her lips. She couldn't help but get caught up in it, his tongue was gently probing her mouth, her hands were on his strong forearms and she physically had to push him off.

"What was that for?" she grinned.

"In case you change your mind," he said and nearly walked in to the doorframe as he left, "Night."

"Night."

The door closed and Elizabeth lay back on the bed. She guessed they had made their decision. This wasn't going to be easy.

Professional and personal she kept repeating to herself.

Keep the two separate and everything would be fine.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

_Pure fluff chapter_

_-------------------------_

He was smiling like an idiot. Mouth stretched wide, laughing to himself intermittently as he walked through Atlantis' halls. He knew people were looking at him as though he'd lost it, one guy even asked him if he was feeling okay to which he replied _"Uh yes!"_, but he was on a complete high. Last night, the _kiss_, had been everything he'd wanted in a long time and now he got to go to a briefing with that _'I know something you lot don't know'_ feeling.

"Why are you smiling?"

Rodney fell into step beside him and gave him a quizzical look.

"Just in a good mood Rodney," he muttered as they walked.

"Good mood?" Rodney smiled, "Ha, what's going on?" There was a note of suspicion in his voice which John didn't miss.

"Nothing. Just woke up on the right side of the bed that's all."

"Right side of _your_ bed or somebody else's?"

John laughed and shook his head, "_My_ bed. You have a dirty mind."

"Well, I saw you skulking back to your room late last night looking…how shall I put it? _Smitten_, flustered and you were smiling _exactly_ like that."

"I couldn't sleep and went for a run. Were you spying on me?"

"You went for a run, in your uniform, at three in the morning?"

"I repeat, Were you spying on me?"  
"I have much better things to be doing than keeping track of you. I was working late in the lab and I saw you in halls walking along in your own little demented world. And you were smiling like that. Stop it."

"You know, you're not going to ruin my mood today Rodney, so lets quit with the barbs huh."

They walked to the briefing room in silence, Rodney giving him furtive looks all the way.

Elizabeth was already in there, preparing notes and looking over information on a PDA, she looked up and gave John a small smile as they sat down.

"Morning," she said keeping her eyes downcast.

"Morning," said John looking down at his hands. _Oh this isn't at all obvious._

"Why are you so happy this morning?" asked Elizabeth having a sip of her water. _That's it, be calm and collected. Don't make out you know exactly why._

"Sheppard's got a girlfriend," Rodney said in a sing song voice.

Elizabeth nearly sprayed water all over the table and tried to look as neutral as possible, "Really?"

"I _told_ him, I'm just in good mood," said John trying to avoid her eye line lest he gave something away.

"Really?" Elizabeth repeated as other members of personnel and Lorne entered the room.

"Morning," said Lorne as he lowered himself into the seat nearest.

"So, I've been going over these reports," she said trying to assert some authority and to hide her obvious blushes, "Ford was sighted on MX675 a few days ago."

John stiffened in the seat beside her, "What?" he drew his eyebrows together. "I read all of the reports, I didn't see that one."

"It wasn't in your file, " said Elizabeth, "I didn't want you to mount a mission to find him when we didn't have all of the relevant information."

John shared a look with her, feeling slightly betrayed, "And you would have been right," he snapped.

"There was a lot of wraith activity on the planet Sir," said Lorne leaning forward and crossing his hands. He could see that Elizabeth was uncomfortable at having kept Sheppard out of the loop but he understood her motivations for having done it.

"It was believed that just by being there we could inadvertently give away the fact that Atlantis wasn't destroyed," said Elizabeth hoping that was explanation enough.

John looked over to Rodney for support, who just shrugged._ Thanks buddy._

"The gate was in a geo-stationary orbit, we had to go down in a puddle jumper in the first place. If the wraith had seen it they would have known it was from Atlantis."

"Not necessarily and have you heard of stealth Lorne?" asked John crossing his arms over his chest angrily. They were all ganging up on him and he didn't like it.

"The risk wasn't worth it," said Elizabeth calmly, "The wraith were using the gate frequently to cull and Lorne's team got trapped there for a number of hours unable to dial out."

"So he's still down there?" John tried to catch Elizabeth's eyes but she was looking away from him._ Talk about being torn._

"We're not sure," said Lorne.

"I want to take a team down there and see if we can find him," said John standing up.

"No John,"

"This could be our only chance at finding him," he said looking between Elizabeth and Lorne.

"No." She said keeping her voice even. She didn't want to fight him on this.

John shook his head and stalked out of the briefing room without another word.

"There goes his good mood" said Rodney.

----------------------

Elizabeth found John outside on the balcony pacing back and forth.

"Are you okay?" she asked approaching him slowly.

He stopped, looked up at her, and shook his head sadly, "I'm sorry about that," he said going over to the railing, "I lost it in there." He breathed out in an attempt to calm himself.

Elizabeth had a look over her shoulder before walking over to him, fearing that somebody might see them, and put her hand on his back, "I know you want to find Ford but we have to pick our battles."

He rubbed his face wearily, "I know."

"Are you angry with me?" she asked pouting her lips. He looked over to her, saw her expression, and smiled softly.

"No, I'm angry with myself," he admitted reaching out for her hand. He rubbed the top of it with his thumb and got lost in the motion.

"We'll get him back."

"We won't know where he is."

"He'll turn up again," she said. "The mission back to MX675 would be too risky and you know it."

"Risky," he said under his breath, "You weren't just disagreeing with me in there because of-"

"No," she said shaking her head, "Never. I'm not going to just disagree with you to detract from the fact that you and I are seeing each other."

"I know that too," he said, "Really I do."

"Are we okay?"

"Work is work," he said pulling her a bit closer, "And we…..we're a completely different entity all together." He moved forward and gave her a kiss. She was hesitant, pulling back first to have a sly look around for any spectators, and then indulged in a moment of pleasure.

"So how about we do something tonight?" he asked inhaling her perfume as he spoke next to her ear.

"We need to be discreet," she said taking a deliberate step backwards and maintaining an appropriate distance.

"I'm Mr discreet," said John, "Come on, you and me on a proper date."

"I have a lot of work, reports that need to be written-"

"Stop," he said holding a hand up, "Stop all of this romantic talk of paperwork."

"John."

"Meet me in the Jumper bay at 7 and I promise I will have you home before midnight."

"I guess I'll go get a head start on that paperwork," she smiled and left.

-----------------------

"Okay, just give me a minute and…….there." John moved away from the puddle jumpers controls and sat down on the floor next to a picnic basket he had brought.

Elizabeth joined him, sitting opposite, with her back against the inner hull.

"We are now flying autopilot." He opened the picnic basket and started to take out various food and drink.

"What do we have here?" said Elizabeth holding up a bottle.

"Athosian wine," said John with a cheeky grin, "I know we're technically still on duty but I thought a few glasses wouldn't hurt."

"Do you think we should have left the city?"

John straightened out a blanket on the floor, "You worry too much, you know that. Mckay thinks we're on the mainland and he said he had everything under control. We won't be gone that long." He pointed to his earpiece, "And we have these."

"I guess. Wine?"

John held out his own glass and watched her as she poured. There was an insufferably cute look of concentration on her face as she strove not to spill a drop and when she had finished pouring both of their drinks she looked up and caught him staring, What?"

"You _look_ beautiful," he said picking up his glass, "And I cant tell you how great it is to be able to say that out loud."

Elizabeth brushed a stray strand of hair out of her eyes and leant back casually, "I warn you. I'm not very good at taking compliments."

John grabbed a piece of fruit as Elizabeth picked at the other food and moved round to sit beside her. She rested her head on his shoulder, "Well you'll have to get used to it, because I'm going to tell you that a lot."

She nudged him with her elbow and he put his arm around her, "Do you still think this is weird?" she asked sipping her wine and glancing at him over the top of it.

He quirked up the side of his mouth, "Weird in the sense of I can't believe this. Not weird in the sense this feels wrong."

"A few months ago I never would have thought this would happen," she moved around to face him, "When we were attacked by the wraith and you…you went off on that suicide run-," she hit him on the arm.

"Ow!"

"Which by the way I'm still angry about. I thought id never see you again. It terrified me."

"You hugged me in front of everyone," he said proudly.

"_Like_ I said. I was terrified." Her eyes were creasing up at the corner as the inevitable grin followed, "I cant believe I'm going out with a military guy."

"Goes against your beliefs huh?" he muttered and moved in to close the gap between them. Unexpectedly, Elizabeth made the first move, pulling his face close to hers and kissing him on the lips.

"I want this to work," she said kissing him again with urgency, "But we really do have to be discreet."

"I guess I'd better take that banner down that I put in the gate room then."

"I mean it John. Its not in everyone's best interests that they hear about us."

"We're not going to be able to keep this a secret forever you know," he said kissing her hand.

"I know, but for now-"

"I know."

--------------------

As soon as they entered Elizabeth's quarters they were kissing passionately. John pulled back, hands in her hair, eyes locked onto hers, "Hey, I thought you said you wanted to take things slowly." _Ever the gentleman._

Elizabeth bit her bottom lip, examining his face and gazing into his eyes, "Are you saying you don't want to-" she paused.

"Oh I _want_ to," he said breathlessly as they went into kiss again.

"We're both adults," said Elizabeth pressing herself up to him.

"That we are," he replied wrapping one arm around her waist and placing one hand on the skin of her back. She felt warm to the touch, her skin soft and inviting.

"So?" she said.

John smiled, placed both hands on her hips, and moved her over to the bed.

Kissing each other, being intimate with one another, felt completely natural and as John pulled her top over her head he felt like he had done it a million times before. _In your head!_

He was suddenly, overwhelmingly, aware of the pressure.

What if he disappointed her? They had been really drunk before, what if she thought he was good before because of the rose tinted effect of alcohol.

He was lying on top of her now, breathing heavily, absolutely excited and yet he was frozen in place.

"John?"

"Yeah," he said staring at her and licking his lips.

"Are you okay?" Her hands were on his back, under his t-shirt and stroking soothingly.

Elizabeth could see the look of concentration in his eyes, could see that he was thinking way too much about this and she found it endearing. John was awkward and cute, clumsy and love struck when he was around her. A side to him she knew no one else would ever see.

John looked into her eyes, saw he could trust her, realised that for he first time in his life he was getting pre-coital jitters because this woman actually meant something and kissed her.

--------------------------

"John?"

The figure in the bed beside her had his arms wrapped around her middle, his one leg interlocked with hers and had for the past hour been snoring contently in the tiny single bed, "John?"

He stirred slightly, "Mmm," he mumbled without opening his eyes.

"Its 3:00 am," she whispered into the dark.

"Mmmm."

"You need to get back to your room before the morning." She gave him a gentle prod. "John?"

"Yeah," he said opening his eyes slowly and blinking into the darkness. He kissed her naked shoulder, readjusted his arm and then proceeded to nap again.

"John," she found herself laughing and ruffled his hair.

"Mmm," He swatted her hand away, chuckled lightly, but remained sleeping.

"John?"

"I'm up," he yawned, "I'm going." _Soooo comfortable. God forbid there is a wraith attack right now. _

"Then why aren't you moving?" she said twisting slightly to get a good look at his face. When her face was next to his he kissed her on the lips sleepily.

"Get up," she said pinching him on the side.

He finally reacted, jerking upwards in the bed, and looking around in confusion.

"Time to go," he said disappointedly and lay back down on the bed.

"Yep."

"I don't want to go," he said nuzzling in between the space of her shoulder and the pillow. When he spoke again his voice sounded muffled, "Can't I stay?"

"John," she said stroking his forearm.

"O-kay," the muffled voice replied and he sat up slowly.

He dressed leisurely, stopping sporadically to kiss her and struggling to find the vestiges of his clothes. When he was dressed and ready to go, albeit looking bedraggled as hell, he said one last goodnight and headed off to his own quarters.

TBC

For any whumpers, there's some to come.


	8. Chapter 8

Rodney entered the commissary, waltzed over to the counter grabbing a tray on the way, and loaded it up with toast, oatmeal, and anything else he could find room for. He finished up with a cup of coffee and then had a scan of the crowds before deciding where to sit. He saw that a few peoples attention was drawn into the corner, and when his eyes naturally led him there, he saw why.

John was sitting alone, his head resting on his hand, eyes closed with his spoon poised over his oatmeal. His head was moving forward very slowly and it would only be a matter of time before his face struck food.

He wandered over, smiling as he went, and noisily dropped his tray down onto the table. John jerked his eyes open and sent oatmeal spraying onto his t-shirt. He looked down sleepily and rubbed it off whilst yawning.

"Keeping you up?" Rodney asked as he dove into his own oatmeal.

"No," said John sitting up straight and blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

"Oh, so you always eat with your eyes closed?" Rodney grabbed the box of raisins on Johns tray and sprinkled them over his breakfast.

"I _wasn't_ sleeping," John said. _Yes you were. Three weeks of getting up at 3:00am to sneak out of Elizabeth's room is beginning to take its toll and you know it._ "I was just resting my eyes."

"Yeah, that's why you were going to take a nose dive into your oatmeal."

John looked at the bowl in front of him and then had a quick look over his shoulder to the people watching him, "I wasn't, was I?"

"So why were you _not_ sleeping?"

John shoved some oatmeal into his mouth, "No reason," he mumbled. He pulled a face when he realised that it was stone cold. He guessed he must have been there longer than he had previously thought.

Rodney picked up a piece of his toast and took a big bite, "No reason," he repeated soberly.

"Just your run of the mill couldn't sleep reasons," said John getting up slowly, "I'm going to get in an hours sleep before our mission."

"You want me to wake you?" Rodney asked around his mouthful of toast.

"Nah I'll be in the gate room on time."

"If you say so."

----------------------------------------

He wasn't at the gate room on time. In fact he was late and as he ran in, seeing his team before him, he was still clipping his P90 onto his vest. He looked up to see Elizabeth looking down at him with an amused grin on her face. His team however were less than pleased.

The team that consisted of him, Teyla and Rodney. He didn't know when he'd be-able to replace Ford, at the moment, he felt fairly irreplaceable.

"Ready?" Rodney asked with a raised eyebrow.

"As I'll ever be. Dial the gate."

-------------------------------------

Elizabeth piled up the reports she had finished on the side of the desk and sat back to stretch. She'd been working flat out all day in an attempt to get them finished. In fact ever since she had started seeing John she had found that her work temperament had changed. She had never let her reports and work pile up but on occasion she had been less inclined to finish it. Now she was making sure it was all done by the end of the day so her evenings were well and truly free. Of course, she was always on duty and the remainder of the evening she and John would have skirt around each other until he came to her room later on.

"Doctor Weir."

Elizabeth looked up to see Carson stood by the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Carson, of course. What can I do for you?" she asked straightening in her chair.

Carson ambled into the room and leant on the chair opposite her desk, "This-, he said passing her a file, "-is my manifest for my medical supplies and some…..additions to staff. You know, for when the Daedalus arrives in the next week or so."

"I'll make sure to look at it."

"You uh might want to lo-"

Carson was interrupted by the sound of the gate room alarm going off and Elizabeth was up and out of her seat before he could continue his line of conversation.

She watched as John, Teyla and Rodney come through the gate. They were over an hour early and it immediately had her concerned.

The first thing that she noticed was that John had his hand up to his mouth, when he bought it away there was blood on his chin.

"All I'm saying is it wasn't my fault," Rodney was saying loudly as she descended the steps with Carson tagging along behind.

"Rodney, don't try and make out it was my fault!" John replied wincing as it tore his split lip open more.

"What's going on here?" Elizabeth asked looking at John. There look conveyed an unheard conversation as she silently made sure he was okay.

Carson grabbed him by his chin and tilted it up to look at the wound. John all the while was trying to take a step back to avoid the impending prodding.

"Just a minor disagreement- ow! Beckett!"

Carson let go of his chin and took a step back, "It looks a lot worse than it is. Just make sure you put an ice pack on it to reduce the swelling, but otherwise it looks okay. What happened?"

"Colonel Kirk was hitting on the Councillors daughter. He took offence and well…as you can see."

Johns eyes widened in horror and he turned to Elizabeth, "I was not _hitting_ on his daughter," he turned to Rodney, "Tell her I wasn't hitting on his daughter." He could hear the note of desperation in his voice and he just hoped that Rodney didn't stop to ask why exactly he cared what Elizabeth thought so much.

"Okay fine. He _wasn't_ hitting on her."

"I just said hello," John griped as he massaged his jaw.

"The Colonel was not to know that he could not talk to the daughter." said Teyla. She looked tired, most likely from having to listen to John and Rodney's incessant arguing.

"Yeah, sorry if I wasn't familiar with their bylaws, Rodney."

"I thought I told you that."

Johns jaw clenched, "No, you didn't tell me _not_ to talk to her. At all. Ever."

"I'm sure I did," smirked Rodney.

"You're going to have to repair relations with them because I'm not going back," said John crossing his arms over the top of his P90.

"John," Elizabeth warned.

"He made me look like an idiot on purpose," John said miserably.

"You did that on your own. If you hadn't been so tired you would have heard me."

"I'm not tired and you did not tell me," John snapped a little louder than he wanted to. It was making his headache grow stronger.

"John, why don't you go to the debriefing room and we'll talk about this." Which John read as code for stop aggravating this situation. "Rodney, Teyla go get cleaned up."

John looked like a sulking child as he stalked up the gate room steps and disappeared into the conference room.

"Doctor Weir, remember to look at that file." Carson reminded her as he headed off.

"I will Carson."

When Elizabeth entered the briefing room she closed the doors and found John pacing away from her with his one hand up to his face.

"I wasn't hitting on the daughter," he said putting his hands up when he turned around.

Elizabeth smiled and walked over to him, "I know." He looked tired and battered and she bought her hand up to touch his face, "That hurt?"

"Neh," he said smiling and wincing at the same time.

"What was that about Rodney saying you were tired?" she asked keeping her hand in place on his face.

He stepped back, rubbed his face wearily, and dropped down onto one of the chairs, "I'm fine, really."

"If you weren't okay to go on this mission you should have said."

John leant forward and lowered his voice, "It's getting booted out of yours every night that's making me tired," he smiled lazily and remembered the cut, "But it's worth it."

"Perhaps we should stop for a while."

"Seeing each other?"

"No," she dropped her hand down onto his shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, "So you can get a good nights sleep."

"Sleeps overrated," he said, "As you know."

"John."

He stood up and keeping one eye over her shoulder hooked his arm around her waist, "I promise I'll get a good nights sleep…….. tomorrow night."

She bit her lip as he lowered his mouth down to ear and breathed in her perfume before breaking his hold and stepping back.

"I promised myself that you and I wouldn't interfere with work."

"I'm used to messed up sleep patterns," he bought his hand up to his lip, "I'm going to sort this out. I'll see you tonight."

------------------------------------

Elizabeth rolled over and felt the cold spot in her bed. She let her eyes adjust to the darkness and wondered whether John had left early tonight. She saw that the bathroom light was on, a crack of light spilt through and into the room.

"John?" she called out, pushing the covers aside and standing up slowly.

She pushed the door open and found him sitting next to the toilet, arms wrapped around his knees and his head down.

When he realised that she was stood over him, he looked up miserably.

"Are you sick?" Elizabeth asked kneeling down next to him and bringing her hand up to his forehead.

"No."

"You're burning up," she said dropping her hand back down into her lap.

"Something I ate I think," he said swallowing against another bout of nausea.

"You should go to the infirmary."

"No," he said shakily.

"You're sick."

"I just need my bed," he said getting up slowly and wiping the sweat off his forehead. He bent over briefly to suck in a deep breath.

"You can stay here tonight if you want," said Elizabeth guiding him back into the bedroom.

"I really just want to curl up in a miserable ball in my own bathroom," he said stooping to grab his trousers, "I don't feel like I'm done yet," he said turning an unnatural shade of white.

"Are you sure its something you ate?" Elizabeth asked handing him his t-shirt.

"Mmmm," he mumbled as he pulled on his shoes without putting on socks or lacing them up.

"Are you sure you don't want the company?" she asked following him to the door. "I don't mind sitting up with you."

He grabbed her, kissed her on the cheek quickly and then palmed the door open, "Much as I _love_ the idea of you seeing me whilst I'm in this _very_ attractive state, I think I'll see you tomorrow. You know, when I'm not puking up every few minutes." On that note he put his hand to his mouth and turned green before running off.

_TBC_

_More whump to come and whoever is going to look after him? Mmmmm?_


	9. Chapter 9

Sheppard knew as soon as he got up that the day that it wasn't going to be a good one. For one, he was still feeling sick and shaky and it had taken him forever just to get dressed and as he moved down the corridors towards the gate room his nausea was threatening to turn ugly and the orchestra conducting ' symphony of a headache', was making him cranky.

It was only when he felt a hand on his shoulder did he turn and understand the depths of his dizziness. He stumbled and reached out for the wall for support.

"John," It was Elizabeth and her face was a mask of concern.

"Hey," he said leaning against the wall.

"You should be in bed, you look-"

"Hot," he whispered leaning into her.

"You certainly look hot," she said placing her hand against his forehead, "You still have a fever. That's it, you're going to see Beckett."

"Do I have to?" he whined and rubbed the sweat off his forehead.

"Don't tell me you're fine John."

"I wouldn't lie to you," he said steadying himself, "I just really don't want to be subjected to medical torture. You wouldn't want that for me, right?" He quirked his eyebrow. The minimal movement of his face caused his headache to intensify. _Damn you eyebrow!_

"I'd _want_ you to get better."

She reached out for his arm and he let her guide him down the halls passed staring personnel and-

"Sheppard?"

"Rodney." He gritted out.

"I'm just taking him to the infirmary," said Elizabeth.

"The infirmary?" said Rodney crossing his arms, "You're sick?" He took a step back, "What's wrong?"

"Ill," said John stepping over to him. _My names John Sheppard and I'm a smart ass!_ "Probably something _really_ contagious." He coughed suddenly and startled himself, "Wow, that was well timed."

"Yeah well timed for me to get whatever it is that you have, ew," said Rodney brushing off some of the imaginary germs that had sprayed his way.

"I told you last night that-" Elizabeth paused in realising what she had said and corrected herself, "When I saw you in the commissary that you should have seen Beckett."

John smiled and gave her a look that said '_nice cover'_ before saying, "I _thought_ it was something I ate."

"In the commissary?" said Rodney placing a hand over his stomach, "What did you eat yesterday?"

"I don't know Rodney. What did _you_ eat?"

"Okay, that's it," said Elizabeth, "I'm taking you-"

Before she could speak John suddenly pitched forward and in slow motion collapsed onto the floor with a weak moan.

Both she and Rodney bent down to his unresponsive form.

Elizabeth placed a hand on his shoulder before activating her earpiece, "Beckett I need a medical team."

--------------------------

Sheppard was being stubborn. He was walking to the infirmary and the medical team that had been called out were rolling the gurney behind him. Elizabeth and Rodney were shadowing him as he meandered drunkenly down the corridor.

"You know, you're supposed to be on that rolling thing with wheels behind us," said Rodney hooking a finger over his shoulder.

"I don't need a gurney," said Sheppard as he walked.

"You just collapsed in the hallway."

"I was resting, cant a guy just lie down in the halls if he wants to," he mumbled.

"I'm pretty sure you can't," said Elizabeth reaching out for his elbow when he wobbled. He didn't push her off but when Rodney tried the same he squirmed out of his grasp. "It probably violates some health and safety code."

"We could have just left him there for the amusement of personnel." Rodney couldn't help but smirk.

"I'm the commanding officer here and I was exercising my right to be still and to be quiet and-"

"Oh god, he's delusional," said Rodney as they finally reached the infirmary.

When Carson saw him enter, under his own steam, he sighed and immediately walked over to him to guide him to a bed, "Colonel, why aren't you on that?" he asked as the empty gurney was rolled in.

John rolled his eyes and sat up on another bed. His usual bed, he noted.

"Because I can walk."

"You're so stubborn," said Rodney crossing his arms as he sat on a nearby stool.

"That he is," Elizabeth agreed.

John sneezed into his hands just as he was about to reel off a rude retort.

"So what seems to be the matter?" Carson asked, "I hear you had a little episode out in the halls."

"I was re-"

"He was resting, _apparently_," supplied Rodney.

"Next time I sneeze I'm not going to cover my mouth and I just hope my germs reach you," John grouched.

Carson continued to watch the two men bicker as if he were watching a tennis match.

"Yes, threaten me with invisible germs," said Rodney, "Next time we see the wraith, why don't you threaten them with that."

"Gentlemen." Elizabeth was getting a headache with the constant barrage of insults they were throwing each other.

"As I was saying. Symptoms, Colonel?"

"Headache, nausea, aches-" he started coughing into his fist, "Sore throat."

"Coughing," said Carson as he conducted a battery of tests.

Carson made him open his mouth and pressed a wooden tongue depressor into it, "Say ah."

"Ahhhh," John said. He felt like he was a child being taken to the doctor by his parents. "You know, we could permanently install one of those into his mouth. That solves one problem."

"Odee I ga ill oo," John muttered around the depressor.

"You're going to ill ee?" Rodney said. He was having way too much fun.

After being poked and prodded for several minutes Carson finally said, "You've got the flu."

"What?" John said feeling his throat become irritated even as he spoke, "How-," He coughed, "Did I.." Cough, "..get that?"  
"You've been back on earth," said Carson, "And probably been exposed to a myriad of viruses."

"The flu," Rodney stood up and put the sleeve to his jacket over his nose and mouth, "Oh no, now I'm going to get it. I get everything."

"Rodney, John hasn't brought the plague back with him," Elizabeth said trying to coax his sleeve away from his mouth.

"Oh god, you have. You've bought a plague of the worst kind back with you. My throat is sore, Carson look in my throat."

Carson ignored him and directed his attention back to John, "You need to have plenty of bed rest, fluids and I can give you something for your head and stomach."

"So I get to go and be miserable in my room?"

"That you do," said Carson. "There's not much I can do for you here."

"I'll walk him back," said Elizabeth as John slid off the bed.

"Thank you Elizabeth." Carson said as she and John left.

"Carson seriously, _look_ at my throat. Are my glands up? They feel up."

--------------------

John swiped his door open and wandered in slowly, surveying the mess on his floor and his unmade bed with a disgusted look.

"And this is why I never stay in your room," said Elizabeth as she moved some of the clothes off and straightened out his bed linen.

"It's not usually messy like this," said John dropping down into the seat by his bed. "Plus most of it's laundry and who can be bothered to fold laundry."

Elizabeth grabbed his hand, pulled him back into a standing position, and walked him over to his bed. He sat down sluggishly, heaving in his breath and sniffing. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a scrappy looking tissue to wipe his nose.

"I feel like crap," he said leaning forwards to rest his head on his hands.

Elizabeth sat down beside him and put a comforting arm around him, "It's just the flu."

"The flu is gross," he said looking up at her with bleary eyes, "I'm going to be all snot and coughing and I'll _look_ like a zombie. All grey and…oh god I'll look like a wraith or something."

"You'll still be the best looking guy in Atlantis," Elizabeth said and helped him pull his t-shirt off. He instinctively threw it across the room to land with his other pile. He looked round to her sheepishly, "I swear I don't always do that."

"Hmm, I'm beginning to think you're a bit of a pig. I might have to change my mind about you."

"You will after seeing me look like this for a few days."

She leant in to kiss his cheek but he pulled back.

"You'll get the flu," he warned.

"I've probably already got it."

"I almost hope you do. Then we will be as equally as gross looking, not that you _ever_ could," he added, "and then I'll look normal by comparison."

"You're cranky when you're ill, you know that?" she said as she pushed him back onto the bed.

"I hate being sick."

"I haven't noticed." She said as she pulled off his boots.

He lay back and she disappeared into the bathroom to get him a glass of water. When she came back he patted the bed beside him and she lay down next to him, he wrapped his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"So it looks like I have you right where I want you," said Elizabeth in jest.

John chuckled, coughed and then groaned, "Incapacitated," he said.

"I'll bring you something to eat later if you want."

"Yeah, I might not be able to keep it down but it would be welcome. Oh and _you_ of course."

She pinched his arm gently, "I should hope so."

"You gonna come by tonight?" he asked sleepily.

"At some point, but I wont stay the night. I'm sure you want this bed all to yourself."

He squeezed her tightly. She understood him completely. He was just waiting for the moment he disappointed her.

She stood up and he rolled over into the warm spot she had left.

"You have to go now?" he mumbled.

She kissed him on his bruised lip, "I'll be back later," she said and left him sleeping on his bed, his arm draped over the edge the other wrapped around the pillow she had just been leaning on.

-------------------------------

_TBC_

_Short but I might put another chappie up tonight._


	10. Chapter 10

When Elizabeth opened the door to John's quarters she saw him weaving back to his bed. He flopped down onto it and curled into a ball.

"Hey," she said placing the tray of food she had managed to balance all the way from the commissary, down into a chair by the bed, "How are you feeling?"

He cracked one eye open, "You mean between the nausea and the vomiting," he pushed himself up onto his elbow as she sat beside him, "Just peachy."

She instinctively placed her hand on his forehead, "You still feel hot."

"Yeah," he said reaching out for her hand, "I know."

"I brought you some food," said raising an eyebrow.

He looked over to the tray, "Turkey sandwich?"

"And jello and juice."

"I'll eat it later," he said curling his fingers around hers. "I don't think I can keep it down."

"Everyone wishes you better," she said running a hand through his hair to brush it off his forehead.

"Great," he said nuzzling closer to her and resting his head on her leg, "Busy day?"

Elizabeth pulled out a file she had been balancing under the tray and held it up, "Not really. I bought some work with me so I could sit with you."

He looked up at her smiled lazily, "Glad I'm not missing anything."

"You'd rather there was a wraith attack or something?"

"Never," he clawed his way up to sit next to her. "Just a minor crisis I could assist in."

"Why don't you have a shower? It might make you feel better."

He looked thoughtful and looked down at his sweats and t-shirt. _Was that a hint? _He'd spent the better part of the day in them and he figured he probably wasn't smelling the best. "How about I take a shower and you soap my back?"

"Ah, again with the ulterior motives."

"Hey, I'm sick. That means you have to cater for my every whim." He kissed her cheek and stood up to begin stripping off, "The doors locked, I don't have any more visitors due-" He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

She considered the request and watched as he struggled to pull his t-shirt off.

Giggling like a pair of teenagers they undressed and hopped into the shower. The cubicle was small and it meant that they were pressed against each other tightly as water spilled down over them.

"Well this is cozy," John said wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close to kiss her as water dribbled over their mouths and into their eyes.

John reached for the shampoo in a manoeuvre that was tight and uncomfortable and as he turned the water sprayed Elizabeth directly in the face.

As he held up the shampoo he smiled, "I guess we really didn't think about this," he said as his elbow struck the cubicle wall. "Ow!"

"No, not so much," she said grinning. She pushed her own hair out of her eyes as he began to soap his hair and then she turned, very slowly, so he could put some in hers.

"You need to turn and….crap……that wall is going to bruise my arm. I never really noticed how small my shower was."

"Very romantic," said Elizabeth as they shuffled into a more comfortable position.

"I'm Mr Romantic."

"I thought you were Mr Discreet."

"My names double barrelled, Mr Discreet Romantic." He smiled and nearly choked when he got a mouthful of water.

"This is funny," she said as she massaged the shampoo through his hair.

He had his eyes tightly closed and spoke over the roar of the water, "You're telling me," he said as his back pressed against the wall and his ass struck the out jutting faucet, "Ow," he muttered, "Can you imagine if somebody found us right now?"

Elizabeth looked down at her naked body and felt a flush of embarrassment, "I'd tell them I was merely assisting you in your time of need."

"In the shower?" he asked as he put his head under the water to wash away the suds.

"Yes," she said laughing, "Exactly."

He kissed her on the head and pulled her close to him, "You know, despite being hideously ill this is really-"

"Sheppard!"

The voice that shouted out to him made them both tense up suddenly. Elizabeth and John shared a nervous look and Elizabeth pressed her face into his chest. If whoever it was came in, she would die.

"Rodney?" John called out over the water.

"Hey I was just coming to see if you were okay?" Rodney shouted through the door.

Elizabeth dropped the soap that she had in her hand and it landed on John's foot. He tried to suppress a laugh as she squirmed up closer to him. "You can't hide in my chest," he whispered.

"Sheppard?"

"My door was locked," he said.

"Are you in there on your own?"

"Yes," John said dryly.

Elizabeth was trying desperately not to laugh as John held onto her.

"It sounded like you were talking to someone."

"I was……"

"Singing," Elizabeth whispered.

"-Singing," said John quickly, "As I was saying, my door was _locked_."

"Oh yes, I overrode it. I wanted to make sure you were still alive and what not."

"Well I am," said John. He was getting a little annoyed at the unwanted intrusion and Elizabeth was laughing against his chest and making him want to follow suit, "So you can go."

"There's gratitude for you. You could have been dying in here."

"Well I wasn't so you can leave."  
"He wouldn't come in here would he?" Elizabeth whispered in his ear.

John turned his face into hers and whispered back, "Believe me when I say he has before. Can you touch something in the lab? Can you help me with this…blah," he imitated Rodney's voice and smiled, "And by in here I didn't mean….get _in_ the shower with me."

"You know, there are some strange articles of clothing on the floor in here. Is that Elizabeth's top?"

Elizabeth's eyes widened enough for water to go into them.

"Uh…yeah," said John trying to think quickly, "some of her clothes got mixed up with mine..in the….uh.laundry."

"Right," Rodney said buying into the explanation, "Well I'll take it back to her then. Oh my god, is that a bra?"

John closed his eyes and pulled a face, "Oh and that too. I'm gonna kill those guys."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I ended up with some of Carson's underwear the other day. You know, they were tartan."

"Really," said John.

"Okay, well I'll take these clothes to Elizabeth and let her know about the mix up. Otherwise she might think you have some kind of fetish or something in keeping them."

Elizabeth was shaking her head and whispering, "No, no-"

"Okay," shouted John.

They waited for a minute, neither daring to speak, Elizabeth opened her mouth and John pressed a finger over her lips, "Rodney?"

There was no answer.

"I think he's gone."

"John?"

"Yeah," he said breathing out.

"What am I going to wear now?"

-------------------------

John had settled back into his bed and was snoozing quietly whist Elizabeth was sat on the edge of his bed, dressed in one of his black t-shirts over her trousers, and working on a few reports. She really wasn't comfortable with the idea of Rodney manhandling her bra.

She picked up the file that Carson had been so eager to press on her days earlier and skimmed through it lazily. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw the name on the top of one of the pieces of paper.

"Oh my god," she breathed out.

John beside her stirred and she felt his hand snake round to her waist. He pushed a finger just below her waist line and left it on the small of her hip, "Oh my god what?" he said in a sleepy voice.

"I…" she didn't know whether to show him or not. He'd find out eventually.

"What is it?" he said poking his head through her arms and resting his head on her leg.

"This," she said passing him the file and waiting for the news to sink in.

After a minute he sat bolt upright and looked over to her with an expression she couldn't read, "Simon's coming here?"

"It would appear he requested to be on the mission just after we left and Beckett approved it."

"What?" he ran a hand through his hair, "I don't understand." He rubbed at his throat as he spoke.

"Me either," said Elizabeth. She didn't know how to feel about this news. Sure she was shocked, but at the same time, she was a little impressed. Was Simon making this move in a bid to be with her? It couldn't be coincidence.

"Why is he coming here? To be with you? because that boat has surely sailed." John seemed anxious and angry and she could detect irritation in his voice as he dropped the file onto the bed.

"I can't believe this."

"You're…happy?" he said narrowing his eyes slightly, "That he's coming here."

"It's a huge step, one that I wanted him to initially take and-"

John stood up, swayed slightly, and moved to the centre of the room. All the while he was twisting his hands apprehensively, "He's coming here because he thinks he can be with you, but that's not going to happen? Right?"

"Of course not." She realised that her statement sounded less than convincing, "I mean. I'm with you."

"Then why do I get this horrible feeling in my stomach?"

"Because you're paranoid and ill," she said with a faint smile, "Come on, you don't have to worry about this. He'll just be a member of staff. I'm with you." She repeated.

He sat on the edge of the bed, his nerves on tenterhooks, "You can't honestly be happy with this. I mean, he _cheated_ on you."

"Thank you for reminding me."

"And there is a lot of awkward history between all three of us."

"Simon is a professional when it comes to his work. He wouldn't jeopardize work over relationships."

"You're defending him," said John.

"I'm not," she reached out and touched his arm. "John. I'm with you."

He rubbed his face with one hand, trying to erase what he had just read, "This is going to be awkward," he repeated.

"I know, but we'll deal with it."

John swallowed against a sudden bout of nausea and leant forwards.

"Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked rubbing his back.

He stood up and staggered away from her, "I feel sick," he said flatly.

John disappeared into the bathroom assuring her that he would rather suffer on his own. She knew he was angry and was not going to admit that he was threatened by the arrival of Simon but she also knew that he had nothing to worry about.

He re-emerged from the bathroom, pale and shaking and dropped down onto his bed without saying a word.

She tucked him in and sat on the chair next to the bed.

_Crap!_

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Beckett entered John's room and on another day he probably would have asked why Elizabeth was sleeping on the chair in the corner of the room, but today he was tired and he had received an influx in patients in his infirmary, so he was busy and preoccupied. Instead, he presumed she had been going over some work with John the night before and simply fallen asleep.

As he set down some orange juice and some more pills onto John's side table John stirred and cracked one eye open, "Beckett?" he said quietly.

"I just came to see how you were feeling this morning?"

John stretched and pushed his face into his pillow to yawn and then raised his head slowly to assess how he felt. He still had a headache and his stomach was not appreciating the smell of the orange juice, so he groaned and pulled the covers up to his chin, "I'm not getting up today," he said, "I'm glad you didn't forget about me though."

"I never forget about my patients. _Occasionally_ I forget about Rodney when he's a patient but I generally try to do that anyway." He smiled softly and crouched down next to the bed, "Here are some pills for your head if you need them."

"Thanks." Carson noticed a look pass over Johns face and he turned to see Elizabeth sleeping on the chair, "I can explain that," he said.

"No need to explain. She never sleeps at the best of time."

"We were going over work. I guess I must have dozed off," he said.

"Aye. Did she…read that report do you know?" Carson tried to keep his voice low.

"Simon," said John pulling the covers up even further and breathing out heavily. His voice sounded croaky and wrong to him.

"Did she say whether she was…angry with me or not? He's a good Doctor and we could use the extra staff. I'm swamped as it is today."

John sniffed loudly, "She seemed pretty happy about it," he said dryly.

Carson nodded and looked thoughtful, "Oh," he said, "I got your blood results back."

"And."

"You have glandular fever."

John's eyes opened widely, "What?"

"So I'd refrain from kissing anybody for the next week or so. You should be able to get up in a few days but you'll be feeling more than a little lethargic for a while."

"The kissing disease," groaned John, "This is just……" He looked over to where Elizabeth was sleeping and then said, "Uh," he was trying to do nonchalant but the words came out stuffy and croaked, "How uh contagious is that? I mean _if_ for instance, _hypothetically_, I was to kiss someone. What would their chances be of getting it be?"

"It's pretty contagious, not to those around you, but if you had been kissing someone well then yes. Have you got something to tell me Colonel?" He smiled.

John shook his head and regretted the movement instantly, "No. I was just wondering."

"Right." Carson stood up, "Make sure you drink plenty of fluids and get lots of bed rest. I'll come and see you in a few hours."

John pulled the covers over his head as Carson left.

He must have dozed off because the next thing he knew was that there was a warm body sliding into the bed beside him and they wrapped their hand around his middle, "I hope to god that isn't Rodney," he mumbled in a low voice.

The hand snaked up his t-shirt and rested on his stomach, "No, I'd hope I was better looking," said Elizabeth into his ear.

"I've got Glandular fever," said John.

There was silence for a while.

"Beckett told me earlier."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so if you get it, it's going to be pretty obvious who you've been kissing."

"I wont get it," she said and sat up to look over his shoulder.

John rolled over to face her, "You know what that means. You can kiss me anywhere but on my lips."

"I'm sure I can be inventive." She said quirking an eyebrow.

John coughed into his fist, "I'm going to be holed up in bed for a while with this apparently. I feel fine though." He coughed again and he heard his chest wheeze.

"Well you sound great and white is such a good colour on your face."

"I look like crap don't I?"

"You don't look like your usual perky self." She crawled out of bed, "I've got to go get a shower and relocate my missing bra and top."

"Rodney's probably wearing it."

He received a slap to his shoulder and he smiled.

"He's about a B cup."

"I'm a C cup."

John pulled his hands out of the covers and imitating a cupping motion, "Ah," he said, "So you are."

She slapped him lightly again, "Get some rest and I'll see you later." The warm space behind him disappeared and he started to feel cold again, "'Lizabeth?"

"Yes," she said as she picked up her files.

"I'm sorry I overreacted last night about Simon coming down here."

"That's okay. You don't have anything to worry about."

"I just hope if I go off-world with him that I don't accidentally lose him."

"John."

"Or that he doesn't have a mishap in Rodney's lab and get blown up."

"John."

"Or that he falls off one of the balconies when I just happen to be around."

"John."

"Hey," he said defensively, "I wouldn't hurt him, really, I _love_ Simon. Simon is a _great_ guy, with _great_ hair and a stellar personality."

"I went out with him for years."

"I know, I'm just glad you got that glasses prescription then-"

"See you later John."

John settled back under the covers and smiled. _Ha! Sheppard 1 Simon 0._

-------------------

What was it with people overriding his door controls? Was there no privacy to be had?

John had just emerged from the shower, had only minutes before wrapped a towel around his waist and he found Rodney sitting on his bed with a tray of food._ I could have been naked!_

"You hungry?"

John stood by the bathroom door, dripping wet and holding the towel up in a tenuous grasp, "No. What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I'll eat this then. I'm famished. You didn't answer again."

John walked over to the bed and grabbed his clothes and then disappeared into the bathroom again to get dressed. When he came out Rodney was shoving mashed potatoes into his mouth.

John pushed him off his bed as he ensconced himself back into it and readjusted his pillows into a comfy position.

"So I was thinking about the bra and the top in your room." Rodney gave him a sideways glance and then continued to eat, "That's a bit strange isn't it?"

John crossed his arms over his chest, "Yeah strange, but then mixed up laundry isn't unheard of."

"I guess."

"You know Rodney, I'm really sick and contagious so you had better leave."

Rodney continued to eat, "No you're not. I know you have the kissing disease and since I'm in no danger of kissing you I'm sure I'm fine." Before John could ask him he supplied, "Oh I overheard Beckett and a nurse discussing your test results. Splinter," he said holding his hand up. It was wrapped in a plaster.

John reached over to his orange juice from earlier and realised that it had been drunk.

"Oh another strange thing. Elizabeth came out of your room this morning."

John sighed, rubbed his weary eyes, and then said, "We were going over work." _At six in the morning._

"At six in the morning. I would have thought that she would be more sensitive to the fact the you were ill. Oh and a little detail I noticed, she was wearing your t-shirt."

John ground his teeth in frustration, "Do you follow me around all day and try to piss me off?" _Either that or he has spies. Or clones. Cloned Rodney. Now that would be scary._

"I was walking the halls, I came to see you actually, and instead I saw her leave your room. What's going on?" He stopped eating and put the tray onto the desk beside him.

"I _told_ you. We were going over some work."

"And the t-shirt?"

"Wasn't mine," said John quickly, "Must have been one of Simon's old ones." _One of Simons old ones? What a horrible thought._

Rodney narrowed his eyes and contorted his mouth up into a wry smile, "Fine. You don't want to tell me, but I know what's going on and when I catch you-"

"You'll what? _If_ and I mean _if_, because you're so left of field right now, I was seeing Elizabeth it would A, be none of your business and B be none of your business."

"It would effect the whole expedition," Rodney speculated.

John shook his head and reached up to press his swollen glands to ease some of the throbbing there, "Let this go. And..who's to say it would have any effect at all. _Hypothetically_."

"It just would. Caldwell would go nuts, the SGC would probably recall one of you for fraternising, not to mention your decisions would be in question. You think Elizabeth would allow you to run off on one of your suicide missions and don't even get me started on how it would effect the female population of this city. You realise most of them have the hots for you, there would be outrage."

"You're being ridiculous." _So why is your mind reeling at this information._ "And anyway, me and Elizabeth aren't seeing each other so that's that. Most of the women here have the hots for me?"

"Oh god, don't even try to tell me you haven't noticed. The giggles as you walk by, the staring, that…nurse in the infirmary who just _happens_ to be on shift when you require a bed bath or a catheter changed,"

"Oh god Rodney." _The word Catheter is a bad, bad word._

" I mean, I've noticed it."

"Only because they're not looking at you," he countered.

"Beckett mentioned to me that Simon, her ex was coming to Atlantis, interesting development don't you think?" He was examining Johns face for any reaction.

_What the hell? Is he looking for an eye twitch or something?_ John coolly uncrossed his arms and lay them in his lap, open palmed, relaxed, "That sounds like a good idea."

"Simon, as in the guy that used to live with her, she was probably going to marry him, they _must_ have some baggage and he is going to be here. Maybe they'll rekindle what they had and-"

"Rodney, get out!"

"I knew it, see you're angry, your fists are balled up-"

John examined his hands. _Damn it!_

"-And you've tensed up. I knew it."

"Rodney, you don't know a thing, now please just go so I can sleep."

"Its okay," said Rodney, "I'm fine with it really. Just other people will have problems with it."

"Rodney," John warned.

"I'll just wait for Elizabeth to shows signs of your own private plague and then I will have it all confirmed to me. Elizabeth huh? You went right for the top."

A pillow flew at him and he smiled, "See you later Lover boy."

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Elizabeth was standing on her favoured balcony when she suddenly felt hands enclose around her waist and warm breath on her neck.

"Hey," she said twisting around and was immediately smothered in a long kiss.

John pulled back and smiled, "Hey," he said.

"People could see us."

"I don't see anybody around," he said placing his hands either side of her face.

"Why are you so happy?"

"After weeks of swollen glands and no kissing I finally have a clean bill of health."

"Ah, well I can get on board with that." She pulled his hands down from her face and held onto his hands, "But people could _still_ catch us."

"Let them," he said leaning against the balcony and taking in a deep breath of fresh air. "Drinks in the commissary tonight, its Rodney's birthday."

"I know," said John, "He hasn't stopped reminding me for the past week. I think somebody wants to be centre of attention."

Elizabeth chewed on her lip momentarily before saying, "The Daedalus arrives in two days."

John stiffened beside her before answering, "Is it?"

"Don't pretend you didn't remember."

"I'm scheduled for a mission that day aren't I?" he asked, eyes pleading.

"Yes you are. Finalising trade agreements."

He nodded, "Good."

"You realise you're going to have to be professional."

John chuckled lightly and gave her a little nudge, "I know."

"No pushing off balconies, or leaving behind or-"

"Blowing him up, I know."

"John."

"Simon will be unharmed." He said giving her hand a quick squeeze, "I promise."

Why didn't she believe him?

-----------------------------------

The commissary was full of people. For some reason John was surprised to see so many people had turned up, but then he figured it was most likely due to alcohol and good food, and not Rodney's day of birth. Rodney had a tendency to rub people up the wrong way so it wasn't a vast leap of imagination.

Rodney was stood in the corner with Radek, balancing a plate of food and a beer in one hand and gesticulating madly with the other. They were probably talking science and he wasn't going to get sucked into that conversation.

John had made the rounds, but he had to be mindful of keeping his distance from Elizabeth. Obviously, he wanted to spend most of his time talking to her, but she thought it might alert members of staff to the fact that there might be something else going on there. She was getting awfully paranoid these days, especially with Simon's imminent arrival.

She was talking to Carson, a wine glass nestled between delicate fingers and a warm smile lighting up her face. A stray curl of her brown hair kept falling into her eyes and she had to keep moving it back behind her ear.

Finally, after spending a good hour and a half away from her he couldn't stand it any longer and dragged her out of the party under the allusion that he needed to talk to her about a military issue.

He pulled her into a storeroom off the corridor. The door had barely closed and they were kissing each other and tugging at each others clothes.

"John," she said between kisses.

"Mmm," he said tangling his fingers up in her hair and kissing her down her neck.

"We can't," she said, her head giddy from alcohol.

He twisted her stray curl in his finger and said, "This curl has been driving me crazy all night."

"John."

John looked at her with wide, possibly drunken eyes, and smiled before giving her a succession of small quick kisses around her ear, "Nobodies going to come in here. There's no booze or food." He continued to kiss her and she let herself get caught up in it for another minute before pulling back slightly, "This isn't appropriate behaviour," she said trying to keep her face straight.

He stopped kissing her and said, "I should _hope_ not," with a rise of his eyebrows. His fingers pushed up and under her top as she kissed his sideburns and took in a deep breath of his musky aftershave.

"Oh this is…"

"Good," he said into her neck.

"You can't wait like-" she looked at her watch over his shoulder, "-another hour or so."

"This ways more fun," he said.

"We're going to get caught," she said squirming under his touch. She was enjoying this way too much.

"Storage closet," he said again as if it was explanation enough.

"How much have you had to drink?" she said as she pressed herself up against him.

"Enough," he said nudging her up against one of the shelving units.

He dropped to his knees and started to kiss her on her stomach, tracing his fingers in circles on her white flesh.

She ran her hand through his hair and closed her eyes against sensations she knew she should try and discourage. After all, she was the expedition leader of Atlantis and-_oh god_-she had to stop.

After a second of internal warring she dropped to her knees and pulled his mouth onto hers. Their kisses were hungry and probing. They hadn't had this kind of physical contact in weeks and she had missed it. It appeared he had too. The only problem was, it was clouding her senses and making her abandon all sense of control.

"If we're caught-"

"We were having a conference," he said into her ear.

"About?"

He reached out blindly with his hand and retrieved something off the shelf. He held it up and said, "Dish cloths."

She laughed and he dropped the offending item onto the floor beside them.

He grabbed her waist and kissed her under her chin.

"Why do I get the feeling we're going to regret this?" she said as she struggled with the belt to his trousers and he started to pull her top up.

Her top was half way off when the door to the storage closet opened and they both stopped dead.

"I _knew_ it!" _Busted._

They were breathing heavily and Elizabeth could feel the heat radiating off the both of them.

John sank his head into Elizabeth's chest and groaned before looking up with a slightly flustered expression. He got up, grabbed Rodney by his top and hauled him into the room, slamming the door behind him, "Rodney," he said.

Elizabeth was smoothing down her top, looking away with a flushed face, and slowly standing up. _Ground swallow me up._

"I knew you two were doi-"

John realised his trousers were unbuckled and subtly tried to do them back up, his hands now feeling clumsy, as the rush of adrenaline and excitement he had previously, wore off, "You didn't see a thing," he said gritting out the words.

Rodney realised suddenly with a look of horror that he had intruded on something fairly intimate and back tracked towards the door embarrassed, "I didn't?"

John looked over to Elizabeth and she offered him a small smile. "Rodney, we would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself."

Rodney was biting his lower lip and turning a shade of red as Elizabeth stood before him. "Of course," he said looking down at the floor. The floor where they had been just about to…..Oh god!

"I'm going to go back to the party," Elizabeth said pushing past the two men and sliding out of the door.

John rubbed a hand through his hair and walked over to one of the shelves to lean against it, "I don't need this spread about the base."

Rodney was holding his beer in his hand and he took a swig, a smug expression plastered on his face now Elizabeth had gone, "Oh I bet you wouldn't."

John walked over to him and prodded him in the chest, "I mean it Rodney. I find out _one_ word of this has got out and I'll come looking for you."

"Hey, I told you not so long ago, that I didn't care."

"Right," said John feeling a little embarrassed.

"Look, I won't tell a soul," said Rodney with a smirk, "Congratulations by the way."

A laugh escaped John's lips and he gave Rodney a shove, "Thanks. Now let's get back to your party. What were doing here anyway?"

Rodney reached past him, "Dish cloths," he said holding a pack up.

They exited the closet, John still battling with his belt, and he was sure he heard a member of staff mutter, "I knew they were doing it," as they were walking past.

John looked at Rodney and grimaced. That was certainly a rumour he didn't want to circulate.

----------------------------------

John was sitting in the commissary the next morning, eating his breakfast leisurely, and reading over some reports when Rodney sat opposite him. He was smiling like the cat that got the proverbial cream.

"How are you feeling this morning?" asked Rodney.

_Why don't you just get it out of the way Rodney. _"Fine," said John.

"Good night?" the smile on his face was growing.

"Yes, fine," he said concentrating on the task of eating.

"So, how long have you two been-?" he let the question hang in the air as John shot him an irritated look.

"Okay, don't answer me, that's okay."

John dropped his spoon and placed his hands flat on the table, "I told you that I didn't want to hear one word about it and that meant to me also." He picked up his tray and stood up.

"It was back on earth wasn't it?" Rodney asked loudly.

John sat back down, slamming his tray down, "Keep your voice down. You're never going to shut up about this are you?"

"No," said Rodney.

"If I tell you it started on earth would you please not ask me any more questions?"

Rodney shrugged, "I'm interested."

"It doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Okay, well, I thought you might need some help in keeping your secret."

John's eyes widened, "_We_ don't need help in keeping this a secret. We've done just fine on our own."

"Okay, fine. I'll drop it."

"Thank you," said John getting back up.

"Simon arrives today doesn't he?" Rodney said without looking up.

Rodney watched as Johns hold on his tray became tighter, his knuckles turning white as he clenched them in obvious annoyance.

"See you in the gate room in an hour Rodney."

_TBC_

_SIMONS ARRIVAL! DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUH!_


	13. Chapter 13

Elizabeth had received word that the Daedalus had landed on the east pier docking station and she was awaiting the arrival of new staff and supplies. The new recruits would get their induction when John got back, but she had specifically asked Caldwell to walk Simon up to the Gate room.

She was nervous, twisting her fingers, and periodically pushing her hands through her hair to straighten it. She was beginning to think that Simon's arrival here was a bad idea, after all, how could she and John hope to keep their relationship secret now. Especially when Rodney knew all about it. She cringed inwardly as she remembered him bursting in on them.

Before she knew it, she saw Simon and Caldwell climbing the gate room steps, Simon was looking around with wide eyes, trying to take everything in.

When he saw her, his eyes lit up further, and hers did too. He'd had a hair cut. The long hair had been replaced by a familiar shorter hairdo.

She greeted Caldwell who disappeared to sort out some other errands and was left standing alone with Simon.

"Elizabeth," he said giving her a quick hug.

The embrace felt strangely foreign to her. She realised that she had got used to the dimensions of John's hugs already.

"Simon," she smiled, "Uh, you'd better call me Doctor Weir when we're working."

He nodded, "Of course." He looked over to the gate, "Well, this place really is something. Its going to take me a few weeks I think just to open the doors here."

She shared a nervous smile, "Why don't you come into my office and we can discuss your position here. Beckett should be along shortly."

"It's good to see you."

"It's good to have you here," she said.

As they walked into her office he said, "So, is Colonel _Sheppard_ here?" as he sat down in the chair John usually occupied.

Elizabeth sat herself down, feeling somewhat authoritarian behind her desk, and switched on her laptop to distract herself, "He's currently off-world."

"Off-world," said Simon. She didn't miss the way he had said John's name, neither did she miss the look that crossed his face. He was trying to suss her out.

"You're going to love it here Simon. I hope you can understand why I made this choice."

He leant forward, "I already do."

"I'm glad." _Had he lost a few pounds?_ "You'll get to go off-world soon and see even more. Of course, you'll have to have sufficient training to go out in the field."

"Lizzie, You're being so formal. You know, you don't have to be with me."

Elizabeth straightened up in her chair, "Here on Atlantis, I'm Doctor Elizabeth Weir and sometimes formality is called for."

Simon nodded, "You're right, I'm sorry. I guess I just find it hard to be formal when I know you better than _anyone_ here."

---------------------------

John had been preoccupied all through their mission. He'd been watching the clock, agitated beyond belief and he was pretty sure he had offended one of the men they were negotiating with. He just couldn't relax knowing that Simon was back on Atlantis.

He was glad when they finally finished with the long winded negotiations and they were able to leave with some actual trade.

They said their goodbyes and John practically ran back to the gate. As soon as he sent through his IDC he walked through expecting to see Elizabeth stood at the balcony waiting for his arrival. He felt slightly deflated when she was nowhere to be found. As the others handed off their weapons to be put away, he was ascending the steps towards Elizabeth's office. She wasn't there either.

"Are you looking for Elizabeth?" asked Rodney as he joined him at the door to her office.

John turned to him, "I'm not worried."

"Oh come on, it's her Ex."

"You're not helping," said John keeping his voice low, "I'm _not_ worried."

Rodney fixed him with a strange look.

"I'm going to go and find her. Tell her how the mission went and all."

"Of course, the mission," Rodney shouted after him as he left.

He moved through the hallways with purpose, his hand resting on top of his P90 reflexively as he moved passed personnel. He finally made it to Elizabeth's quarters and knocked on the door.

There was a moment or two before the door slid open and he was confronted by Simon.

"Simon," said John, looking over his shoulder to see if he could see Elizabeth.

Simon leant up against the door frame as if he owned the room and tilted his head to the side, "Colonel," he said making sure he said his name as harshly as possible.

"Is Elizabeth here?" John asked trying to look as cool as possible. _Is it me or has he copied my haircut?_

"She's in the shower," said Simon. He didn't elaborate and John found himself growing angrier and angrier.

_Don't piss off a man with a semi-automatic weapon on his chest Simon!_ "The shower?" he said.

Simon nodded, "Was there something you wanted?"

_I want to hit you in the nose! _John smiled and tried to keep his last remaining nerve intact, "I just wanted to talk to Elizabeth. It's concerning my off-world mission."

Simon continued to lean. _Just hit him…no…you can't do that. Just…kick him in the shin or something. Smug bastard._

"I'll tell her you came by."

"Make sure you do," said John and the door was shut in his face.

_What the hell?_ John stood there for a few moments, staring at the door with his jaw set, before finally turning around and stalking down the halls as far away from Elizabeth's room as possible. He was fuelled by anger and his mind was reeling with the same question. _Why was Elizabeth having a shower with Simon in her room?_ He stopped suddenly and punched the wall as hard as he could. The resounding pain rocked his knuckles and sent a jolt up his arm. Not satisfied, he repeated the move a few more times until his knuckles were raw. "Damn it!" he said and stalked off back to his room for his own shower.

--------------------

Elizabeth came out of the shower, dressed and entered her room towelling off her hair, "Simon, what are you still doing here?"

Simon sat up from her bed, "I just wanted to talk to you I guess, as _Elizabeth_ and not Doctor Weir."

She ignored the strange statement. "I think I managed to get the oil out of my hair. Next time I show someone the Jumper bay I'll be sure to watch where I'm going." She smiled as she continued to dry her hair off, "Well I'm ready to give you the rest of that tour if you want it?"

"Perhaps we could just talk here," suggested Simon and he patted the space on the bed beside him.

She remained standing, "Simon. I-"

"What's wrong?"

"Why did you come here?" she asked as she sat down beside him.

He reached out to grab one of her hands and she found herself tensing. Not so long ago she had felt completely at ease with this man, now she just felt like she was cheating on John by even talking with him.

"I came here because of you. I realised that I hurt you and I wanted to make it up to you."

Elizabeth retracted her hand, "Simon, I really hope you're not suggesting that you and I try and be together because it just wouldn't work."

Simon shrugged, "I still love you. I realised that after you left."

"And that's why you called Doctor Beckett?"

He nodded, "I thought you'd be pleased."

Elizabeth looked down at her hands and sighed, "You need to be professional while you are working here. If not, I'm afraid you'll have to leave."

"Elizabeth." He gave her a winning smile and touched her cheek.

"You came here for the wrong reasons."

"I can always try," said Simon standing up, "I want to make you love me again."

"Simon."

"It's okay. We have all the time in the world."

Elizabeth threw the towel onto the bed, "I'll take you to the infirmary so you can see where you'll be working."

--------------------------------

John felt sick. Instead of showering he dropped down onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Getting involved in a relationship on base was a mistake. He should have known that it would all eventually end badly. _And I thought I was the one who would screw up!_ He flexed his throbbing hand and unclipped his P90 to lay it down on the bed next to him.

The door chimed and he didn't answer it. He wasn't in the mood for company. In fact he was in the worst mood he had ever been in and it wasn't because of a failed mission, or a wraith attack or because of Rodney. It was because of a woman.

His door chimed again, "Go away," he said without moving.

Too late. The door opened and Elizabeth walked in. She stood in the centre of the room looking down at him with her hands on her hips, "Are you okay?"

John pushed himself up into a sitting position and started to remove his cumbersome tactical vest, "I'm fine."

There was a moment of silence and Elizabeth came to sit by him, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said standing up and removing his t-shirt, "I was going to take a shower. I'm sure you have things to do." He walked into the bathroom and started to run some water.

Elizabeth followed him and turned the water off, "What's wrong John?"

"Nothing," he said running a hand through his hair. She pulled down his hand and saw the bruising and bleeding from earlier, "What happened to your hand?"  
"I hit a wall," he said palming the water back on for his shower.

Again Elizabeth turned it off, "If you don't tell me what's wrong I won't ever let you have a shower again."

He grabbed her suddenly and planted a desperate kiss on her lips. She allowed it to happen until he finally broke it off and took a step back to lean against the sink.

"Okay, John, you're scaring me."

His eyes were downcast, "I came by your room and found Simon there."

"Ah."

"You were…..showering," he said biting his lower lip. He looked lost.

"I got oil dropped on me when I showed him the jumper bay."

He gave her a look that said he didn't believe her.

"You can still see and smell some of it in my hair if you want to look," she said walking over to him, "Come on, you don't think Simon and I are going to get together?"

"I don't know," he said pushing himself up straight.

"I didn't even know he was in my room at the time, I'd sent him down to see the infirmary."

John seemed to soften, "So, I'm wrong?"

"I _choose_ you. I chose you."

"Ah crap," he said sliding down onto the floor, "I'm such an ass."

Elizabeth sat beside him and rested her head on his shoulder, "Are you going to be okay?"

Johns shrugged, "I guess." He kissed her head.

She reached for his bruised hand and kissed it, "I've got it bad for you John Sheppard."

He turned to her and brought his hand up to her cheek in a movement mirroring Simons, "So, you're mine right?"

She smiled, "Yes."

"Simons not going to be a problem is he?" he asked putting his arm around her shoulder.

"I honestly couldn't say."

"Elizabeth?"

"Hmmmm."

"You're right. I can smell the oil."

--------------------------

_TBC_

_Whumpers………stay alert._

_Oh and if anyone has any ideas they want me to include, (And it fits) I'll try and get it in._


	14. Chapter 14

John dug his spoon into his dessert as Rodney and Teyla sat down to join him. Rodney picked up his fork and gave John a quizzical look, "Is it me or are you starting with your dessert first?"

John smiled and slopped some of the chocolate mousse into his mouth, "You would be correct."

"Why?"

"I thought I'd be unconventional," he said, "And also this meat loaf stuff looks horrible."

"Right," said Rodney as he had a mouthful of his own meat loaf. After a second of chewing he pulled a face, "You'd be right."

John watched as Simon entered the commissary, picked up a tray of food and went and sat at a table on his own.

"So that's Elizabeth's ex boyfriend," said Rodney as he watched John staring at him.

"Yep," he said.

"He seems very nice," said Teyla.

Both men looked at her and John raised an eyebrow before dropping his spoon onto his tray and picking it up.

"Where are you going?" asked Rodney.

"He's so nice that I'm going to go and keep him company."

"Sheppard," said Rodney as he walked off.

"What was that about?" asked Teyla as she took a sip of her orange juice.

"Nothing," said Rodney as he tried to hide a smirk.

John dropped his tray down onto the table and pulled up a seat opposite Simon, "Hello," he said as he resumed eating his pudding.

Simon watched him suspiciously, "Sheppard."

"Oh please," said John, "Call me Colonel."

"Is there a reason that you're sitting over here?"Simon asked as he read a report he had brought with him. He didn't look up as he ate and read.

"Just being neighbourly," said John as he finished the last bit of his mousse, "So today, you and me, training."

Simon looked up, "Is that really necessary?"

"I'll remind you that you said that when we come across the wraith on a mission," said John as he idly played with his meat loaf, "You need to be able to operate a pistol and have some basic training. I don't let any civilian go off-world otherwise."

Simon nodded and kept his eyes down, "Okay."

"We'll head down to the shooting range after this and I'll show you the ropes. It's easy."

"I'm sure it is."

"And by easy I mean its not. You have to hit the dead centre of the target before-"

"I can go off-world, yes I know."

"Good," said John and he put some of the meat loaf into his mouth. He tried to eat it without looking disgusted but the texture of it was horrible. Chewy and much akin to cardboard, "So you finding your way around Atlantis okay?"

"I'm beginning to get my bearings," said Simon.

"Good. I see you found Elizabeth's quarters okay yesterday." John kept his eyes focused on his food when he could feel Simon's eyes looking at him pointedly.

"Elizabeth and I are still close," said Simon, "I would hope that what transpired on earth isn't going to affect our working relationship."

"Elizabeth's very amicable. I'm sure it hasn't affected her at all."

Simon drank some of his coffee and watched John over the top of it.

John dropped his fork into the meat loaf and stood up, "You can find your way down to the shooting range from here cant you?"

Simon nodded.

"Okay, well I'll see you in twenty."

-----------------------------

"The M9 is a light weight, semiautomatic pistol which has a redundant automatic safety feature to help prevent unintentional discharges," said John as he held the Beretta up for Simon, "It can be fired in either double or single action mode and can be unloaded _without_ activating the trigger while the safety is in the "on" position." He could see that Simon was having trouble taking all of the information in but he ploughed on regardless. It was all stuff he needed to know. "The M9 pistol has a 15-round magazine, and may be fired _without_ a magazine inserted. It can have the hammer lowered from the cocked, _"ready to fire,"_ position to the uncocked position without activating the trigger by placing the thumb safety on the _"on"_ position. Did you get all of that?"

Simon nodded and took the weapon off John.

"That all basically means that a monkey could fire this thing with the right training."

John pulled out his own 9mil from his calf holster and stood in front of the paper target, "You want to keep your stance loose, legs shoulder width apart, elbow slightly locked and fire by looking down the sight." He fired a few shots off at the target and they hit the dead centre. _Thank god I didn't miss!_ "You want to be aiming for the head or the heart area. Although at this point just hitting the target is good enough for me. Have a go."

Simon held the gun in a clumsy grip and took point at the line drawn on the floor. He pulled the trigger but nothing happened.

"That safety feature is really effective," said John with a smile, "Here you take it off like so and try again."

Simon carefully aimed and taking John's advice he fired off a few shots at the target.

"You missed," said John, "Try again, hold your breath before you fire to increase the efficiency of your aim."

Simon fired again.

"Okay so now you've damaged his shoulder, try for the head."

Simon pulled the trigger and watched as a bullet flew wide of the target and ricocheted off the wall.

_Ha ha ha ha ha ha!_

"You're doing _good_," said John, "Just focus."

Simon sighed, shot John an irritated look and then tried again. This time he glanced the shot off the top of the targets head. "I'm no good at this." He said dropping the aim of his gun.

"It all takes time," said John.

"Will I ever get to fire one of those guns you have?" he asked as he tried to hit the target again.

"The P90?" _Yeah right._

Simon nodded and struck the target in the leg.

"Nope."

Simon handed him the weapon back, "Is it likely that I'll have to use one of those things?"

"Ask Mckay," said John, "This is important."

"I realize that," said Simon, "But I-"

"But nothing. I take civilian safety very seriously Simon. If you can't do this you don't go off world. No argument."

Simon picked up the handgun and tried again.

"You missed!"

---------------------------------

John walked into Elizabeth's office without knocking and sat on the edge of her desk, moving one of her ornaments in the process.

"You know I put that there so you would stop sitting on my desk," she said without looking up from her report.

"I know," he said reaching out to her hand and gave it a quick squeeze before anybody could see.

"How did the training go?" she asked looking up at him, "Where is he?" she looked over his shoulder.

John smiled, "He's not in the infirmary with a bullet wound. He'll be up here in a minute. I wanted to give him some information on protocol in the gateroom."

"I thought you'd-" she paused, "I'm glad you didn't shoot him."

"He did okay. Still needs a little practice but he should be ready to go through the puddle soon."

"Are you okay?" she asked standing up to walk around to him.

"Yeah," he said.

"Because I know him being here is hard on you."

"I know him being here is hard on _you_," he said raising an eyebrow, "But don't worry about me."

"Eliza-Doctor Weir."

She turned to see Simon standing at the door and realized how she and John must look. She was standing very close to him and he was sprawled on her desk like it was a piano and he was singing. She took a step back, "Simon."

"Right, gateroom protocol," said John as he stood.

He had just walked into the main control room when the gate alarm began sounding and the gate technician was saying that it was Lorne's teams IDC.

"Major Lorne," said Elizabeth as she walked through to join them.

"We need that shield down, we're coming in hot with two wraith in pursuit," he said quickly.

"Lower the shield."

The shield was lowered and men started to take up position around the gate, "Stay up here," said John as he ran down the gateroom steps and took a P90 off one of the soldiers.

He took point at the bottom of the steps and waited as Lorne and his men came through stumbling and turning to get their own weapons into position. The gate was shut down but not before two wraiths came through after them.

"Take them down!" John shouted and they took fire.

Up at the control room, Elizabeth and Simon ducked behind one of the consoles as they listened to the staccato gun fire.

One of the wraith went down and stayed down but the other one put up quite a fight. It went down to the ground and it began to move its hand up to its chest. John, without thinking, moved forward and jumped on top of it, pinning its hand down to the floor so it couldn't activate its self destruct. One of its hands came up and swiped a jagged claw across the side of his face. His head rocked back and he felt the blood running down his cheek as he pulled his P90 around and shot it point blank. He got up slowly, "Get them out of here," he said.

When he turned around he could see both Elizabeth and Simon coming down the steps towards him. He brought a hand up to his face and it came away bloody.

John turned to Lorne, "What happened out there?"

"They were scouting the planet," he said, "We got caught up in the middle of it."

"Okay, go get cleaned up and then I want a debrief. I don't suppose you got any Intel on Ford?"

"No Sir."

John waved them off and Elizabeth approached him. She raised her hand to touch his face and then just as quickly dropped it down to her side, "Are you okay?"

"This," said John pointing to his face, "Its okay."

"You should get that looked at," said Simon. His eyes were still wide in horror at what he had just seen. There was no doubting that John had some balls of steel. He'd just single handedly attacked one of those creatures.

"And you think you don't need to have weapons training," said John, "That's what we're dealing with."

Simon nodded.

"You should get to the infirmary," said Elizabeth meeting his eyes and holding his gaze.

"I'll take you," said Simon as he moved his eyes away from the one of the wraith that was being dragged away.

-------------------------

John sat up on the infirmary bed as Simon went to get the tools needed to clear up his face, "Where's Beckett?"

"He was sent to get some sleep," said one of the nurses as she passed by, "He was dead on his feet."

John could see that most of the beds were taken up with the injured after the wraith siege. He swung his legs back and forth as Simon started to clean the blood off him.

"It doesn't look too deep but I'll put a stitch on it to keep it together," Simon said.

John nodded and regretted it. He wouldn't admit it but he had a killer of a headache where the Wraith had clocked him one and his neck was feeling distinctly stiff, "What are you doing here Simon?" he asked. _Because I want you to go _was the subtext.

Simon met his eyes and then looked away to focus on his head wound, "I reconsidered Beckett's offer and realized that it was a once in a lifetime experience."

"Nothing to do with Elizabeth then?" said John dryly.

Simon swallowed visibly, "I missed her."

"You know you and her don't have a chance-ow!"

Simon didn't look apologetic, "How would you know?"

"I just do," said John as he winced.

"Are you seeing her?" he asked.

John didn't answer.

"There you go," said Simon, "There won't be a scar."

"Good," said John slipping off the bed. It jarred his head and he swayed a bit.

"Are you okay?"

John moved away from him, "I'm fine. I've got a headache."

"You want me to give you something for it?" Simon asked as he took his latex gloves off.

John shook his head slowly, "No. I'm fine. We'll train tomorrow."

----------------------

It was late in the evening when Elizabeth opened the door to her quarters and John walked in and kissed her on the mouth before she could speak. Her heart was hammering in her chest as his finger caressed her cheek.

"What was that for?" she asked running her hand along his bruised cheek.

"I've just had a hell of a day," he said as he hugged her tightly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she said pulling back to look at his face, "You look tired."

"Headache," he said, "I'll be fine."

She led him over to the bed and he lay down beside her.

He kissed her again with urgency and rested his hand on her hip.

"I was impressed by you today," she said, "But don't _ever_ pull a stunt like that again."

"At least in front of you," he said tracing a finger under her top and drawing circles on her stomach.

"Exactly," she said as she tugged at his t-shirt.

He reached out for her hand and kissed the top of it, "He's going to find out," he said and looked at her sadly.

"He wont," she said, "Has Rodney said anything to you?"

He shook his head, "He's being surprisingly supportive, but he has a big mouth." He gave her a wicked look," And speaking of mouths." He kissed her, her biting his lip gently, and then pulling away to remove his t-shirt. She moved to lie on top of him and stroked the hair on his chest, "We've come too far. Too far for me to walk away," she said dropping her head onto his chest.

He stroked her hair, "I know what you mean."

She looked up, "You do?"

"Yeah," he said and they kissed.

------------------------

The door chimed and Elizabeth gave John a nudge in the shoulder, "Wake up."

He opened his eyes lazily, "What's going on?" He moved to kiss her and she pressed a finger over his parted lips.

"No time for that. Someone's at the door."

"Oh." He jumped out of bed and scrambled around for his underwear.

"Who is it?" she called out as she put on some clothes.

"Simon!" the voice called out.

"Simon," said John standing in the centre of the room butt naked, "That guy is trying to piss me off." He picked up his underwear and put it on. He looked around for the rest of his clothes.

"Hide," she said.

"Where?" John asked.

"Under the bed," she said and picked up his trousers and t-shirt from the floor and shoved them into his hands.

John dropped down to his knees and looked under the bed, "Do you ever clean under here?"

"We'll talk about my vacuuming routine later, _please_ hide."

"If I see a spider I'm out of here," he paused, "Do we have spiders on Atlantis?"

"John."

He smiled and then disappeared under the bed.

When she was sure she didn't look flustered as hell she opened the door and tried to look as nonchalant as possible.

"Simon."

"Can I come in?"

"Yes," she said and he immediately sat on the bed.

-----------------

John flattened himself down onto the ground as the mattress pressed down onto his back.

The dust was tickling his nose as he breathed in shallowly. _Come on John, you can be stealthy._

------------------

"What's wrong?" said Elizabeth as she sat on the chair next to the bed and unconsciously skimmed the floor for any sign of John, "It's pretty late."

"I wanted to talk to you about something," he said fidgeting with his hands.

"Well?"

"It's out of order. I know you and I aren't together anymore but I just have to find out something to settle my mind."

Elizabeth leant forward and saw one of Johns socks on the floor, "What is it?"

Simon took in a deep breath and then looked up at her, "Are you and Colonel Sheppard seeing each other?"

-------------------

John nearly choked. He clamped a hand over his mouth and went perfectly still. _He knows._

------------------

Elizabeth tried to force a neutral expression onto her face, "Simon I..-"

"Just yes or no?" he said pleadingly.

"No."

---------------

John smiled. _Good girl._

_---------------_

"Oh thank god," said Simon, "Because I saw the way you reacted when he got hurt today and I just thought I saw something else there."

"You did?" she asked narrowing her eyes.

"It would kill me if you and him were-."

"I like John but not in that way," she lied.

"So nothing will ever happen between you and him?"

She looked down at her own hands.

"Let's face it. He's pretty immature-"

--------

John was ready to burst out from under the bed in all of his nakedness and say "Here I am!" but the better half of him was saying stay put. _Immature my ass oh Simon who couldn't hit the side of a barn with a rocket launcher._

_---------------_

"-he thinks he's so good looking and he may well be the commanding officer here but I've heard from several people that he doesn't follow orders. Even yours."

Elizabeth stood up, "That would be none of your concern. He's a good man."

Simon smiled, "Oh I'm sure he is."

-------------------

_Sarcasm in your voice there Simon._ John shook his head.

-----------------

"Okay, well I'll go back to my own room." He stood up and stopped dead.

Elizabeth realized what he was looking at.

He picked up Johns dog tags from the side table and held them up. How could she have forgotten about them? She had asked John to take them off because they kept hitting her in the face when they were…well……intimate.

Simon read the name on the tags and his eyes burned with anger, "What are these doing here?"

Elizabeth smiled, "Oh those. He left them here the other day."

"He did?"

"His shower was broken, ask Rodney, and he used mine instead."

"His rooms on the other side of Atlantis isn't it?" he asked.

"Simon, are you accusing me of something? Yes, he used my shower."

"Okay. Well, I'm going that way. I'll drop them off at his."

"Yes he'd like that," she said and walked him to the door, "Goodnight Simon."

"Goodnight."

As soon as the door closed John scrambled out from under the bed and started to put his clothes back on at light speed.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

He pulled up his trousers and hopped over to her to kiss the top of her head.

"I'm going to get back to my room before he gets there."

"Is that even possible?"  
"I know a short cut." He kissed her again, "See you tomorrow." He ran out of her room and to the nearest transporter.

------------------------

Simon knocked on John's door and waited for a reply.

He smiled to himself and was about to walk away when the door opened and John was stood in front of him yawning and running a hand through his hair. "Simon?"

"Colonel. Did I wake you?"

John pulled away from the doorway and gestured to his rumpled bed covers, "Yeah."

"I brought your dog tags back." He held them up and John took them off him.

"Thanks, I left these in Elizabeth's the other day when I had a shower there. I had totally forgotten about them."

Simon stared at him.

"Anything else?"

Simon shook his head, "No, that's all."

"Okay goodnight. I should really _watch_ where I leave these things."

Simon could detect a note of something in his voice and he wasn't sure if he was imagining it. Mockery.

"Night," said John and he closed the door.

He walked over to his bed and dropped down onto it and resumed the hard breathing he had managed to control a minute earlier. He was knackered. He had run as fast as he could all the way back to his room and climbed over the balcony round the back to get into his bathroom,

He activated his earpiece, "Operation _fool Simon_ has been successful."

"Glad to hear it," said Elizabeth

"Night."

"Night."

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

John walked into the debriefing room and scanned the faces of his team, Caldwell and eventually the empty seat beside him. He put us his hands on his hips. Elizabeth was always first in the briefing room.

"Where's Elizabeth?" he asked as he sat down at the table. He looked back over his shoulder and then to everyone else.

"Doctor Weir is in her room," said Caldwell, "She's not well."

John tried to mask the concern on his face, "She's ill?"_ How am I the last to know?_

"That's what he just _said_," said Rodney with a sigh. He looked tired, probably hadn't even slept in days.

Both John and Caldwell shot him an irritated look.

"Did she say what was wrong?" asked John.

"Something about a touch of the flu," said Caldwell as he absent-mindly flicked through the file in front of him. After a beat, he slid it over to John and said, "She asked if you could take the briefing."

John looked down at the file and then slid it back to him, "I'd better go and see if she's okay," he said getting up in one fluid motion.

"I'm sure she's fine. Doctor Wallace is making sure that she's comfortable."

John raised his eyebrows. _I bet he is._ "Well, there was something important that I needed to discuss with her _before_ this briefing so…I'll be right back." He left the room quickly and Caldwell slid the file over to Rodney, "Can you deal with this? I'll be right back."

He followed John and caught him by his shoulder before he could get any further. John spun around and gave him a pointed look.

"Can I speak to you for a minute?" Caldwell asked.

John licked his lips, "I was just-"

"I know. This won't take long."

They walked into Elizabeth's office and Caldwell closed the door. He sat down behind Elizabeth's desk with ease, which annoyed John to a degree, and he clasped his hands on the table before him.

"Your concern for Doctor Weir is touching," he said with a smile.

John walked over to the desk, "I just want to make sure she's okay. She's a good friend."

Caldwell looked distinctly uncomfortable for a second and he cleared his throat, "I've been informed that…." He paused and chuckled, "..that you and Doctor Weir might be _more_ than friends of late."

John nearly choked and he found his expression waning from indifference to anger. _Rodney!_ "Is that so? You mind telling me who these suspicions came from?"

"Doctor Wallace."

_Oops, sorry Rodney._ John sat down in the chair opposite and leant on his hand, "Doctor Wallace doesn't like me."

"I've heard as much," said Caldwell with a shrug.

"I mean the guy has a big problem with me. He accused me of this on earth." He was lying through his teeth and he looked away as guilt flushed him slightly.

"Well, I have to admit. Your behaviour towards hearing Elizabeth ill was very…reactionary."

"As I said," John ground out, "She's a _good_ friend. I'm not allowed to be concerned for her welfare."

"Of course," said Caldwell. He stood up, "Look I haven't seen anything here, and if I continue _not_ to see anything then really…" another pause, "I don't _know_ anything."

John didn't know if he was right but it sounded like he was saying as long as he never saw it then it was okay.

John kept his mouth clamped shut.

"If for instance, command decisions were effected by such a relationship then," he walked around to John, "..then I would have to intervene."

John vacated the chair, "You won't."

"Good." He walked to the door, "We'll be in the debriefing room waiting for you while you go check on Doctor Weir."

-----------------------

So Simon didn't believe Elizabeth the other night when he told her that nothing was going on between them, and instead of speaking to him, he had taken it to Caldwell. That was a low blow and as John neared Elizabeth's quarters, he found himself growing more and more angry.

He knocked on her door, didn't wait for an answer, and then entered the room.

Elizabeth was lying in her bed, sleeping soundly, and Simon was sitting in the chair beside her bed writing up some reports.

"I didn't say come in," said Simon as he stood up.

_I don't have to do everything Simon says!_ "Well, I thought I'd come and check on Elizabeth myself. I don't need an invitation."

"As you can see she's sleeping," said Simon walking over to him and lowering his voice.

John gave him a glare and tried to control his growing distaste for the situation, "I can see that. What are you doing here?"

"I'm being her Doctor," said Simon.

They left her room and walked out into the hallway outside.

John leant up against the wall as Simon stood before him, "I'm sure she doesn't need you watching her sleep," said John.

"Well, she's been very sick. You didn't know?"

"No," said John crossing his arms over his chest, "How could I?"

Simon smiled, "Of course. You and her aren't seeing each other."

John pushed himself off the wall and closed in on Simon's personal space, "You spoke to Caldwell."

Simon backed up and raised placating hands, "I was sharing a concern."

"Your concern has been noted. I don't want to hear that you've wasted his time with this again."

"You know, I heard that Caldwell was supposed to get your job?"

John sighed, "From who?"

"Some men at the SGC," he said smiling smarmily, "It seems you're not really well liked there."

"Tell me something I don't know," said John, "Not that it's really any of your business."

"I have to say, I agree."

John could feel his fist clenching into a ball and he was beginning to vibrate with anger.

They both turned sharply when they heard coughing from behind the door.

"I'd better go tend to my patient," said Simon.

John placed a hand in his path to stop him in his tracks, "I'll go. You go back to the debriefing and wait for me."

"I'm not needed _there_."

"You are now. It's concerning a mission I have coming up. I think its time you went off world." _And I lost you there._

Simon smiled and nodded, "Okay."

John watched him walk off and entered Elizabeth's room. He found the bed a muddle of tangled sheets, but she was no where to be seen.

He crossed her room in a few strides and found her in the bathroom, sitting next to the toilet.

"Hey," he said crouching down beside her and wiping her hair off her forehead.

She opened her eyes wearily, "I look terrible."

He chuckled softly and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "You look beautiful. I hear you're not too well."

She shook her head and rested it down on the edge of the toilet seat, "No, not really."

"Were you feeling ill last night?" he asked touching her forehead and feeling the heat move into his palm.

"Early this morning."

"You should have woken me."

"I knew you needed the sleep," she croaked and turned pale.

"Don't worry about me. I would have come as soon as you contacted me."

John reached for a flannel and doused it in cold water and returned to her to place it on the back of her neck, "Better?"

"Mmm."

He watched her, eyes closed, and couldn't contain it any longer. "Simon told Caldwell on us," he said. _Okay, that sounded grown up. Mom, mom, Simon's picking on me!_

Her eyes went wide slightly and she groaned, "He did?"

"I told Caldwell he had nothing to worry about."

"We're lying to the SGC now," she said rubbing her eyes.

Elizabeth's usually bright eyes were dull, her lips pale, her face formed into creased lines of discomfort. _I shouldn't have bothered her with this when she's ill._

"Okay, time to get you back into bed," said John scooping her up into his arms. She wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and rested her head against his chest as he walked her through to her bed. She relished for a minute in the strength of his arms and his muscular torso. If she could have slept in that position she would have.

He gently placed her back into her bed, pulled her sheets up to her chin and then sat on the edge of the bed, "You okay?"

She reached out for his hand, "I'll be fine after a good rest."

"If this is glandular fever I think Beckett might suspect something," he said.

"I feel nauseous more than anything," she said, "My throats fine."

"That's how it started with me." He kissed her hand, "We'll deal with it if and when."

John smoothed her hair away from her forehead and stroked the length of her face. He had never seen her look so vulnerable, "I'll come by and see you later," he said planting a kiss on her lips. "Thanks for delegating debriefing duty on me by the way."

"Thought you'd appreciate that." She said with a coy smile and then rolled over. He watched her for a moment as she slipped into a peaceful sleep.

--------------------

John entered the debriefing room and sat in Elizabeth's usual seat. He fixed eyes with Simon and said, "Okay," he said opening to file, "MX591."

_TBC_

_Sorry its short but wanted to give you all something to get your teeth into. (Mmm teeth into……mm…John?)_

_Going away for a few days so next update will be Tuesday. Sorry RL and all that._

_Please review._


	16. Chapter 16

John had completed the briefing as swiftly as possible, informing Simon that he would be joining him on his next mission to MX591. Carson was supposed to go with them but he figured Simon would have to experience off-world travel at some point, and okay, it wouldn't hurt that he would be away from Elizabeth for a while.

He knocked on Elizabeth's door, waited for her reply, and then walked in to find her sitting up in bed.

"Hey," he said walking over to her and sitting himself down, "You feeling any better?"

"A bit," she said without meeting his gaze.

He tried to catch her eye line, "Did Beckett find out what it was?"

She didn't answer and merely plucked at the covers with delicate fingers.

"Is it glandular fever?" he asked dipping his head to her level, "Elizabeth?"

She looked up slowly, swallowed hesitantly and then pushed him aside to stand up, "I didn't let him take any blood," she admitted as she walked over to her desk and leant on it. "So, how did the briefing go?"

"It went fine." John moved to the edge of the bed and dropped his hands down onto his knees as he watched her, "What do you mean?"

"I'm glad it went…well," she said vacantly.

"Elizabeth?"

She licked her lips, her eyes moving around the room to everywhere but him, "I didn't let him take any because…I was afraid of the results." She paused for a second, "I…was afraid I wasn't ill."

John stood up, "I don't understand."

"I'm late," she said suddenly, the words escaping her in one long exhalation. She pressed a hand up to her forehead and sighed.

"For?" he asked and then stopped mid-sentence to organise his own thoughts, "You think your…"

"Pregnant," she said with a shaky sigh, "I don't know. I know myself and…maybe it's stress I don't know, but," she shook her head, "Not like this before….I don't know."

John stepped forward and reached out for her hands, "Are you sure?" His own mind was reeling with possibilities, his heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth had suddenly gone dry.

She pulled away and wrapped her hands around herself, "This isn't happening," she muttered.

"How?" he said before he could stop himself, "How did this happen?"

She turned to him and raised an eyebrow.

"Okay," he said holding up a shaking hand, "Okay, we can…we can deal with this. I mean..it could be stress. Right?" His palms were sweating and he was feeling light headed.

She was shivering, her lip quivering as she fought to quell overwhelming emotions which threatened to send her down to the ground, "I don't know."

They stood apart from each other in silence, neither of them looking at one another as their minds alluded to the ramifications of the situation.

"John I-"

"This is bad. Right?"

She nodded.

"I mean we were careful." He put a hand up to his face. He felt out of his depth and he was panicking but he didn't want to let Elizabeth see it in his eyes.

"We were, but-"

He held up a hand. "Elizabeth, I have some things that I…uh need to do," he said suddenly walking towards the door, "I'll be back later, I…"

"John?"

"I need some air….I think," he said as he palmed the door open. "I just need to….think."

"John. We need to talk about this."

"Uh later. I have some things….I-" he trailed off.

He left her standing in the room alone and she slipped down to the floor without sound and pressed her head into her knees.

-----------------

John had gone to the commissary, picked up a tray of food and had taken it over to an empty table to think while he ate. He'd convinced himself that the feeling in the pit of his stomach was hunger and not an all consuming fear. He never got scared. He had an uncanny ability to even be arrogant and flippant when it came to facing the enemy, but this news had shaken him. He'd never thought about kids, hell, he'd never thought about being in a serious grown up relationship lest the latter.

"I'm sure the air tastes just great, but wouldn't you rather eat _actual_ food," said Rodney as he stood over him.

John looked up at him and then down at his soup. He realised that he had finished it five mouthfuls ago and dropped his spoon down with a clatter.

"Are you okay?" asked Rodney dropping into the seat opposite him.

John nodded, "Fine."

"Are you sick again?"

"No." John looked attempted to look at his reflection in his spoon and just got a distorted image of himself. _Yep, that's what my kid will look like._ He thought grimly.

"Sheppard?"

"I said I was fine," said John getting up quickly.

"Obviously not," said Rodney mirroring his actions, "Is this about…you know who?"

"What? What do you know about that?" he asked hearing the pitch of his voice rise slightly. _Do you want to make him suspicious?_

"Something is obviously wrong. You were eating air."

"I was thinking."

"Most people can think and eat."

"I was preoccupied with a thought," said John.

"What thought?" asked Rodney stepping closer to him and lowering his voice.

"A private thought," said John harshly. He took a step back and scanned the crowd of faces looking up at them. He was suddenly feeling very exposed and he wanted to get out of there. He just needed space to reason in his mind that everything would be okay.

"If your relationship is interfering with-"

John shoved his tray into his hands, "It's not. Everything's fine." He walked away.

"Oh, you want me to put this away," said Rodney gripping the tray. He looked onto it and saw an uneaten pudding cup, he shrugged, and sat down to eat it.

John stormed out of the commissary, intending to head for the balcony to get some air when he bumped into Simon in the hall. _The last person I wanted to see ever._

He passed him in the hopes that he wouldn't talk to him, but seconds later, he heard him call out his name. He stopped, sighed, and turned slowly, trying to compose himself as he did so.

"What is it Simon?" he asked.

"I want to know why I'm suddenly going off-world with you." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Because I said so."

"It seems like a bit of a coincidence," said Simon as John went to walk off.

As John turned back to him he couldn't keep the scorn out of his voice, "It seems like it because _it_ is."

"Just because Elizabeth is ill. I'm her Doctor."

"Beckett is her Doctor. Just like he's mine," said John walking up to him, "Look, I'm not in the mood to have another one of _these_ conversations with you. You're going off-world."

"I've asked Beckett to go in my place," said Simon smugly, "So I can attend to Elizabeth's needs."

John clenched his jaw and tried to abate his growing fury, "You're going with us."

"No, I'm not."

"Simon. If you don't go off-world, you can go home on the Daedalus."

"I can go off-world on another occasion," Simon said flippantly, "when a friend of mine isn't in need of my help."

"She doesn't _need_ your help," he said feeling his stress levels rise.

"How do you know?" Simon was bating him, deliberately trying to wind him up. _It's working._  
"I just….I just do," said John. He rubbed his face wearily wanting for the entire world to disappear. "Now, I'm going." He turned to leave and found Simon grabbing him by the arm.

Before he could stop himself he turned and his tension manifested itself as his fist caught Simon in the nose. He was usually pretty good at controlling his anger but as he watched blood began to spill from Simon's nose and down his chin, he realised he didn't have as firm a grip as he had thought.

"Simon, I'm…."_You're sorry. You can't say it because you're not._

"You'll pay for that," said Simon more nasally that usual.

"I didn't mean to do that. I-" he stopped talking. There was no way he could rectify the situation and he didn't have the energy to do so. Caldwell would find out and have his ass.

"What's going on here?" Rodney asked as he walked over to the two of them. He looked between him and Simon, eyes scrunched, face formed into a thin line.

Simon was holding his had up to his nose to try and stem the blood, "He hit me," he said, his voice laced with malice and then he pushed passed Rodney and strode off down the corridor.

"What happened?" Rodney looked at John as he leant against the wall and dropped his chin down.  
"I punched him in the face," said John. His voice was emotionless and flat.

"What?"

"He just wouldn't shut up and I lost it," admitted John.

"What's going on with you?"

"I'm just having an off day. I'll go…..apologise."  
"No," said Rodney, "Why don't you go sort yourself out. I'll go do some damage control."

"You'd do that?"

Rodney sighed and pushed him to walk on, "I'm the one that will have to hear both of your whining on our mission so I might as well help myself out. Just go and I'll see to him."

---------------------------

John ended up at the gym. He needed to let off some steam and he had been told that Teyla was there. When he entered he found Teyla sitting in the centre of the room on one of the soft mats with a small child. There were toys spread around and she looked comfortable sitting cross legged and singing in a low voice.

She looked up, "Colonel."

"Teyla." He leant against the door frame, "I was going to ask if you wanted to spar but I see you have another opponent."

Teyla smiled softly, "This is Ereth," she said, "He's Antriad's child. I said I would look after him while she hunted on the mainland."

"Hi," said John with a little wave.

Teyla was about to speak when her earpiece crackled. She spent a moment talking to the person on the other end and then went to stand, "That was Hailing. He needs to see me. Would you mind watching Ereth for a few minutes?"

John stood up straight, "I was just about to…" he fought to think up an excuse.

"You have some free time," she said as she walked over to him, "I won't be gone long."

John looked over to Ereth and back to Teyla, "Okay. But don't be long."

"Thank you." She said as she left.

John loitered in the doorway for a further few seconds before walking over to the mat and sitting cross legged on the floor. Ereth's wide eyes followed him.

"Uh hi," he said picking up one of the toys and turning it over in his hands, "I'm Colonel Sheppard."

"Ba!"

"Or Ba." John smiled briefly and looked to the door._ Hurry up Teyla._

"So, you like it here on Atlantis? Lots of cool toys huh?" he asked.

Ereth smiled widely and then proceeded to crawl over to him. His pudgy hands reached out for him and slowly manoeuvred himself to stand awkwardly. He pressed his hands against John's chest and reached up to tug at his earpiece. "You like that?" he asked holding Ereth by his hips to keep him upright when he wobbled, "I can talk to people on it. Usually it's just Rodney moaning in my ear."

"Ba ba ma," Ereth said excitedly.

"Yeah, that's exactly what it sounds like to me," he said.

Ereth continued to wobble and became equally fascinated with his watch.

John watched him as he poked at the buttons on it and slobbered on its plastic face.

"Hey," he said withdrawing his hand, "This things waterproof but it doesn't mean you can spit all over it."

Ereth's eyes narrowed and he let out a feeble wail.

"No," said John soothingly "Don't-"

Ereth was turning red, tears streaking from his eyes, and his tiny fists balling up as he began to cry.

"-cry," John said.

Ereth continued to bawl his eyes out and John looked around the room. He picked up a toy and waved it in his face, "Look, toys. Kids like toys."

Ereths wails filled the room with an echo.

"Come on kid. Give me a break," he said and stood up leaving Ereth to sit on the mat.

"I _order_ you to stop crying," said John with as much force as he could muster. Ereth stopped crying briefly and then started up again, even louder this time.

"Okay, please….shh…shhh." He reached down and reluctantly picked up Ereth, tucked him into his arms and against his chest and started to rock him, "It's okay. You can be quiet."

Ereth's cries were lessening and he stuck his fist into his mouth.

"Shh, see that's it."

Ereth was quiet. He sucked at his hand and looked up at John with inquisitive eyes.

"Hey," he said with a big grin and continued to rock him, "Shh."

"I see you did well in my absence."

John looked up at Teyla, "He was crying. Did I do the right thing?"

Teyla walked over to him and stroked Ereth's head softly, "He seems happy enough."

"I'm not really good at this," he said. His mind ventured back to Elizabeth. Guilt began to seep through him steadily. He passed Ereth back to Teyla, "I'll leave you to it."

"Colonel. Are you okay?" she asked as she sat back down on the floor.

John looked at the baby and back to her, "Just got some things on my mind."

-------------------------------

Rodney found Simon in the infirmary dabbing a tissue against his bloodied nose. He sat down on one of the infirmary beds, swinging his legs back and forth as he tried to summon the appropriate words, "Look," he said.

Simon turned to him and met his eyes, "If you've come to apologize for him. Don't bother."

"Colonel Sheppard is a.." he sighed. He wasn't very good at talking to people on a normal level. "Well, let's just say he would have hit me if it hadn't been you."

"So you're saying he's violent," said Simon. He struggled up onto one of the infirmary beds opposite and kept the tissue to his nose.

"No," said Rodney with a little nervous laugh, "No. I'm saying, you caught him on a bad day."

"I'm sure Colonel Caldwell would like to hear about his _bad_ day," said Simon and he removed the tissue. The bleeding had stopped but in its place was a nasty bruise.

"I don't think you understand how things work around here," said Rodney, "You see. We don't tell on each other like five year olds."

Simon narrowed his eyes.

"I mean," he sighed again and tried to push forward, "I know Sheppard. He's not violent, he's a…..good commanding officer, if a little annoying at times……and he could do to run a brush through his hair once in a while and.." he paused, "I digress," he smiled, "But he's _okay_. We don't need Caldwell running things around here. He'd militarise the whole place and then me, the humble….no not humble, me the brilliant scientist would be pushed to the side and-"

"So you're here about you?" said Simon.

Rodney pushed himself to stand so he could pace. He always thought clearer when he was in motion, "No. I'm not good at this," he admitted, "But I'm just saying he _is_ sorry. He would never let personnel issues interfere with his work."

"Is he seeing Elizabeth?"

Rodney nearly choked on his own tongue and turned to him red faced and flustered, "No," he laughed, "No, that's ridiculous."

"Because I'm pretty certain that something is going on between them. Elizabeth said there wasn't but…" he paused and tried to read Rodney's face.

"Those two," he laughed theatrically, "I don't think so."

"You don't _think_ so?"

This man was infuriating. If he didn't shut up then Rodney was certain he's have a pop at him himself, "Simon. Just forget about this."

"He'd like that wouldn't he?"

"Yes he would." He looked at Simon, "Oh, you were being….oh I see….._look_ he would like it yes, so you could maintain a…professional working relationship here on Atlantis. If you cause problems then it won't be Sheppard that gets angry. It'll be Elizabeth."  
"Because they're seeing each other."

"No, because Sheppard does a good job. Elizabeth can rely on him and we're all happy with the way things are. I'm just trying to be a friend. You start whining and people don't like it. Trust me."

Simon dabbed at his nose with the end of his finger, "Fine."

"So you'll just-"

"I won't say anything," said Simon, "Elizabeth is important to me."

"Good," said Rodney with a big smile, "I'm glad we had this…..chat. Now, I have some important work in my lab to get to."

Simon nodded and watched the scientist leave. He was definitely lying.

--------------------

John entered Elizabeth's room and found her lying on the bed, on top of the covers, staring up at the ceiling

He stood in the centre of the room, not wanting to move, not sure how to proceed. "Elizabeth?"

She looked over at him. Her face was streaked with tears and John immediately abandoned any fears and sat down beside her, pulling her into a hug, "I'm sorry about earlier. I panicked."

She sniffed and rubbed at her eyes, "This couldn't have come at a worst time."

"I know," he said into her hair as he hugged her.

She pulled away from him, "I guess I'd better go see Beckett."

John reached into his back pocket and pressed something into her hand. She looked down at it and took a moment to realise what it was.

"A pregnancy test kit. Where did you get this?"

"I stole it," he said proudly.

"Stole it," she said slowly.

"From the infirmary. There was nobody there so I kind of took one."

She turned it over in her hands.

"Can you imagine if I had been caught? I would have had to say it was mine."

She forced a smile for his benefit.

"This way we can at least know what we're dealing with."

Elizabeth stood up and brushed a hand through her hair and disappeared into the bathroom.

After a minute she came out.

"Now we just wait," she said and joined him to pace in the centre of the room.

"We'll deal with this," he said more to himself than anything.

Elizabeth nodded, "I could be wrong."

"It could be stress," he said with an equally frantic nod, "We don't know for sure." His heart was hammering in his chest and he was breathing in strained pants. He stopped, "How long?"

"We have to wait for three minutes," she said rubbing her arms.

"Has it been three minutes yet?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Why won't you just tell me what you're thinking," Elizabeth said all of a sudden.

John stopped dead in his tracks.

"I can tell you, I'm not ready to be a mother."

John turned to her and licked his lips, "The military don't have a high life expectancy. Being in Atlantis, it's a dangerous environment and-" he paused and sighed.

"You don't want a child."

"No," he admitted, deflated, and suddenly overcome with tiredness, "Not yet anyway."

Elizabeth nodded and dropped her gaze, "I won't get rid of this baby."

So many thoughts were racing through John's head that he didn't know what to say.

He just wasn't ready to be a father. Plain and simple.

"This is going to complicate things," he said.

She met his eyes, "It's already gotten complicated."

John looked down at his watch, "Three minutes," he said.

They looked at one another, he reached out to squeeze her hand, and then they walked through to the bathroom to look at the results.

Elizabeth turned to him, "Its-"

_TBC_

_Sorry I just couldn't resist it! Don't kill me._

_REVIEW PLEASE_


	17. Chapter 17

----------------

"It's negative," Elizabeth said as she held up the little blue stick.

"Are you sure?" asked John peering over her shoulder.

"I'm sure," she said. She turned to him and smiled, "I'm not pregnant."

There was a moment of silence between them, in which they examined each others stance and tried to read each others expressions. After a beat, John smiled and they simultaneously belted out a "Yes!"

John punched a fist into the air and leant back against the bathroom sink to take in a deep breath.

"Oh thank god," said Elizabeth as she put the stick down. She felt strangely emotional and drained from the ordeal.

"This is _good_ news," said John looking over to her.

"I'm just ill," she said, "It must be just stress, what with Simon being here and everything."

Another minute of silence and again they broke out into big grins.

"You scared me there for a minute," said John.

"I scared _me_ there for a minute. I just wasn't ready to have a baby."

"Me either."

"It was the worse timing," she said.

"I know."

"I mean can you imagine _us_ with a baby."

John let the though blossom in his mind. _Him strapping the baby into one of those carrying things and saying, "Okay I'm just going off-world now. Wish me and junior good luck."_ He shook his head to dissipate the thought and reached out for her hand to tug her close, "Are you okay?"

She pressed her hands against his chest and looked up into his eyes, "I'm fine."

"You're not…a little….disappointed? Because if you were….that would be okay too."

She dropped her head against his chest, "One day," she said, "But not _this_ day."

They walked through the bedroom and she sat down on the bed. John kicked his boots off and sat opposite her, crossing his legs stiffly.

"Rodney warned me there would be days like these," said John as he plucked at the covers.

"He did?"

"That you and I could get complicated."

She looked up at him and pushed a hand through her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear, "It is, but like you said not so long ago, I'd like to think it's worth it."

John grabbed one of her hands and unconsciously rubbed her palm with his thumb as he spoke, "You know. I really….like you. A lot."

Elizabeth felt herself blushing, "Really?"

He seemed embarrassed, pushed a hand through his messy shock of hair and continued to look down at her hand, "You're important to me. If anything ever happened to you….I don't know what I do."

"Same here."

He breathed out quickly as if just admitting that had drained him of his energy.

"You know John. We've been seeing each other for a few months now and…..I still don't know a lot about you."

He looked up at her with a confused expression.

"I mean. I _know_ you, I can _sometimes_ read you, but it's all intuitive and instinct. I still know nothing about your family for instance."

He swallowed and dropped her hand, "You know me fine."

"I know your file." She rubbed his arm. "Okay," she said getting up and going over to her desk drawers, "I can see that I'm going to have to bribe you here so," she fished about the drawer for a further minute before finding what she was looking for and coming to sit back on the bed.

She placed a bar of chocolate on the bed covers between them and pointed at it, "There are eighteen pieces of chocolate in this bar. Answer a question get a piece."

"That's nine questions each," said John, "Hey," he said at her expression, "If I have to answer questions so do you."

"Okay," she said, "But you have to be honest."

He nodded as she broke off the first piece, "Okay Lt Colonel John Sheppard. Tell me about your family."

John looked down at his hands, across the room, up at the ceiling and then took in a deep breath, "My mom died when I was eleven. There was a car accident, some guy ran a red light at an intersection and hers just happened to be the car he hit. Bad luck." He twisted his hands and continued, "And my dad. Well, we never really got on." She could see that he was struggling to get the words out and started to doubt whether this was really a good idea.

"He's a General isn't he?" Elizabeth asked.

He nodded, "My black mark embarrassed him and since that we've not spoken. He doesn't even know I'm here."

"Do you regret that?"

"I don't know how I feel about it." He looked up at her with vulnerability showing in his eyes, "Do I get a piece of chocolate now?"

She fed him a piece and he let it melt in his mouth.

"I'm sorry you're not close to your family," she said.

"Its okay."  
"That's why you didn't send home a personal message."

"Yeah." He sighed, "Okay, you tell me about your family."

"Military brat. Dad moved around a lot. He lives in Florida and mom lives in Boston. They divorced when I was eighteen, but they still get on and we see each other for Christmas."

"No brothers or sisters?"

"Nope, just me." John passed her a piece of chocolate and she plopped it into her mouth.

She picked up some more and held it between her fingers as she thought up her next question, "Chaya. Did you and her-"

"No," said John, "I kissed her and took it no further being the gentleman I am."

"Really? Because Rodney seemed to think otherwise."

"Let him think that. Nothing happened between us. I'm not _Kirk_."

She laughed a little and he bit the chocolate out of her fingers, deliberately sucking on her finger as he did so.

Speaking through a mouthful of chocolate he asked, "Did you have a hand in my promotion?"

"I'm not so sure I want to answer that question," she said readjusting the pillows behind her.

"No choccy for you then." He smiled and went to eat her piece.

"Hang on." He stopped it short of his mouth. "Okay, all I said was that if they were going to have a problem with your rank as Major they should just promote you."

"You did?"  
"And I kind of threatened to call the president. But you _did_ get it on your merits, I promise you."

"I woke up the wraith," he said softly, "Caldwell's much better suited to-"

"Caldwell is an ass," she said suddenly and instantly placed a hand over her mouth, "I cant believe I just said that."

"I'm going to tell him you said that."

She reached forward and swatted at his head, "You dare."

"Okay my turn again. What did you think of me when you first met me?"

Elizabeth smiled and bit her lip, "Cocky flyboy and reasonably attractive."

"Really?"

"Oh and ATA gene. Big bonus."

"Right." He kissed her hand. "Your turn."

She thought again and she remembered something he had said, or more to the point, not said a long time ago.

"John, what were you going to say when that iratus bug attached itself to you?"

John moved closer to her and pushed the chocolate aside. He hated that damn iratus bug and thinking about it made his neck hurt and his pulse race. That had been one uncomfortable and painful day. He'd died. He had felt the darkness consume him, his pain fade away, and then the shock at being brought back to life., "I was going to say…..I left the light on in my room."

"John."

"It would have increased the electricity bill."

"Come on."

"Okay, I was going to tell you that I was really a woman………. called Joanna."

"I mean it. What were you going to say?"

He kissed her on the mouth, slow, tentatively, and broke away to look her in the eyes, "I was going to say that it would be a shame that I would never get to know you better. Even then, I knew there was something more for us to come."

She kissed him hard and everything else fell away.

_TBC_

_I promise to never be mean again………..So here's something to keep you going. Its short and fluffy but there's meat to come. (Why does that sound rude? Oh well.)_

_Next chappy its Simon and Sheppard mission time and you know that's going to be fun and whump filled. Yep definitely whump……..now what can I do to John and more to the point what can I do to Simon. He's annoying me now as well!_

_Oh and by the way, this story is going to be ongoing……which equals…….long. _

_Please review._


	18. Chapter 18

John awoke slowly, confused as he must have dozed off, he just didn't remember having done so. As his senses returned to him, he could hear the shower running in the background and he lifted his head. He was sprawled out on Elizabeth's bed, naked, the sheets tangled around him and he could feel something on his face. He reached up and touched the sticky substance and bought his finger down to his eye level. Chocolate.

He sighed, uncoiled himself from the covers, and got up to go into the bathroom. Elizabeth was standing with her back to him; eyes closed as the water ran down her face, and glistening off her back.

He pulled the screen across and stepped into join her, making her jump in the process.

"Morning," she said opening her eyes and licking water off her lips.

He gave her a quick kiss and put his head under the water.

"You have chocolate on your face," she said tracking a finger through it and sucking it off her fingers in a deliberately seductive fashion.

"I know," he said, "We probably should have moved that off the bed."

"You taste good," she said kissing the smudge on his cheek.

"I'm sweet enough already," he said with a cheeky grin, "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Much better," she said, "Still a little shaky and nauseous but...better."

"Good," he said reaching for the shampoo.

He poured a large amount into his hand, clamping his hand around the bottle until it made a splurt noise, and saw that Elizabeth was watching him, "What?"

"Stop using all of my shampoo."

"I have a lot of hair."

"More than me?"

He looked down at the pink shampoo and slapped some into his hair and the rest in hers, "There."

"I've already…" she paused, "Never mind."

He smiled and lathered his hair up, spiking it up like a child would, and then stepping under the water to wash it out, "Um there's probably something I should tell you," said John closing his eyes as the lather stung his eyes.

"What?" Elizabeth banged her elbow on the small cubicle and remembered why they hadn't done this since their last failed endeavour.

"I kind of…" he paused and then said the next few words quickly, "Hit Simon. So you looking forward to getting back to work?" He cracked one eye open to test her reaction.

"What? Why did you do that?" she gave him a slap on the ass as he turned to reach for the soap and he jumped.

"He was winding me up and I snapped."

"Was he mad?"

"Yeah," he admitted as he soaped himself up, "I was having a bad day."

"Because of?"

"Because of," he nodded.

"Oh John." She stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel and wrapped it around her top half.

John palmed the water off and stood dripping. "Okay so it was incredibly stupid. I'm going to apologise to him today."

"You promise."

"Even though it hurts my brain to do it. Yes I promise. We do have that mission today," He put his hands on his hips, "Got anymore towels?"

Elizabeth smiled and then walked out of the bathroom, "Nope."

"Okay so I'll just dry off here then," he said with a laugh.

------------------------------------

John arrived outside Simon's quarters and mentally prepared himself to speak to the man he abhorred. He knocked on the door and after a minute there was the curt response to come in. He did so, stopping on the threshold to test the water, "Simon."

Simon was packing his gear for the mission, he turned and John could see that he was sporting a bruise to the side of his nose. John winced.

"Colonel?"

"I came here to……." _Apologise. _"..apologise for hitting you. It was childish and I should have controlled myself better."

Simon stood staring at him, chewing on his lip, deciding what his response to that would be, "Doctor Mckay came and spoke to me," he said instead.

"Yeah, and it should have been me."

"I told him I wouldn't mention it."

"You did?"

"That surprise you?" Simon asked as he tested the weight of his backpack.

John walked over to him and had a cursory look over his gear, "I admit its very surprising."

"Mckay, _Rodney_, he told me how you're needed here. Getting Caldwell involved would be…..stupid of me. So, I'll forget about it. Doesn't mean I forgive you though."

"Forgetting about it is just fine," said John. He picked up Simons backpack, "This is too heavy. What you got in there, rock?"

Simon grabbed the pack back and held it against his chest, "Its things I need. Medical supplies, change of clothes."

"Okay," said John taking a step back and holding his hands up, "Okay, well we leave in two hours, so get some breakfast, get geared up and I'll see you in the gate room."

Simon nodded and John beat a hasty retreat.

-------------------

John found Elizabeth on their balcony, coughing into her fist, as she stood overlooking the sea.

He stood beside her, rested his hand on hers and said, "You okay?"

"Beckett says it's a flu like virus," she said with a groan, "Probably a mutated strain from your glandular fever."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He didn't suspect anything."

"That would be my last concern when it came to your health."

"You ready to go?" she asked.

John took a step back and ran a hand over his tactical vest, "I'm wearing my very fetching military tactical gear. I'm all ready to go." He turned round to her and pointed at his knife fitted to the belt just over his butt, "But I am beginning to wonder who designed this thing. This knife, you get running and ow." He jumped for effect and she watched as it pelted down onto his ass.

"I'd hope there wouldn't be any running for your lives today."

"Simple trade mission. I'll be back before dinner."

"Just make sure you look after Simon."

"I will. He'll come back whole."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek, "Ready?"

-----------------

Simon approached the balcony, looked through the window, and saw John and Elizabeth standing close together. He watched as John turned around, playfully stuck his butt towards her, jumped, and then turned back to her. He watched as he leant forward and kissed her on her cheek. Elizabeth eyes lingered on his like they used to when he was with her. It was unmistakable. They were seeing each other and had been lying, as he suspected, all along.

He stepped back before they could see him.

_------------------------_

They'd been walking for an hour through the dense undergrowth of the forest vegetation and it had started raining half an hour ago so they were thoroughly drenched and John was beginning to lose his patience with Rodney's infernal whining about getting pneumonia.

"It's going around at the moment," he said as John walked faster to try and lose him. He threw a glance over his shoulder to see Teyla walking in silence, eyes open and trained on the scenery around them, Rodney beside her was talking a mile a minute and Simon was straggling just behind them, heaving his bag over his shoulder ever few steps. _Heavy Simon? I told him._

John turned back to look where he was going, side stepped a tree in his path and held back a branch for Rodney and Teyla to pass. The branch, accidentally, _coincidentally_, slipped from his grasp as Simon came to walk through and it struck him in the face. Rain and leaves spraying off behind him.

"Sorry," said John in his most sincere voice and he held the branch back again for him to go by. He could barely suppress the laugh which broiled underneath and followed them to take up their six.

"How much farther is this village?" Simon asked as they walked.

Rodney stopped talking long enough to look down at his life signs scanner, "Not much further."

"This walk isn't tiring you out is it?" John asked as he jumped over a fallen log. His energy levels weren't affected at all by what he called a stroll by any definition. He knew that Rodney would be having a hard time and he didn't worry about Teyla.

Simon turned to him, "I'm fine."

_Yeah, that's why you're red in the face and panting._ "This is a stroll in the park," said John as he deliberately quickened his pace._ Stop being an ass John._ He scolded himself. He just couldn't seem to help it. Every impulse in his body screamed _annoy_ him.

As they reached the brow of a hill, they finally caught sight of the village below and set about walking down to it, trying to look as non-threatening as possible with their big guns.

A man about John's age approached them, "Hello," he greeted them.

"Hi," said John stepping to the front of the group.

"You must have walked far. You are drenched."

"Not too far," said John.

"I am Oreth."

"Oreth, I'm John Sheppard. This is Teyla, Rodney Mckay and _Simon_."

Simon stepped forward to hold out his hand and Oreth merely stared at it, unfamiliar with the custom.

"Come, you must get dried off and have some food."

"That's very kind of you," said John as he followed.

"As long as there isn't any citrus in it," said Rodney. He turned to Simon, "You do have an epi pen in there don't you?"

Simon shook his head.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Just don't eat any citrus," said Teyla as she walked by.

"That's easy for you to say," said Rodney.

Simon followed the three of them into a hut. The others on the team were used to this type of situation, bartering for food, meeting the locals, but he was finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that they were essentially talking to aliens.

They sat at a table and were brought warm drink and some bread to munch on.

"So," said Oreth as he pulled up a seat next to John. John unconsciously put his hand over his P90 and smiled, "What brings you here?"

"Trade," said John.

"Succinct," muttered Rodney as he sniffed the liquid and the bread.

John rolled his eyes, "We've come from-"

"Atlantis," said Simon suddenly and three pairs of eyes came to rest on him.

John felt his mouth gape open, "We used to live in Atlantis," he said, "But it was _unfortunately_ destroyed. We tend to move around a lot now." He shot Simon a look that could kill. _If only._

"What's wrong?" asked Simon as John continued to talk to Oreth.

Teyla turned to him and whispered in a low voice, "We do not tell people where we come from in case the Wraith should learn that Atlantis was not destroyed."

"Oh," said Simon.

"Were you not briefed on such a matter?"

"Well yes, but I didn't think they meant trades people. I mean surely you want these people to trust you."

"A lot of people, regrettably, can not be trusted." She ate a piece of bread.

Simon was feeling like an idiot and decided to keep quiet. Sheppard would probably have a field day telling him off for that one.

"So if you have any food, we could trade you-"

Oreth held up his hands and shook his head, "I'm afraid we cannot help you. There are too many mouths to feed as there is. We are required to sustain a village just outside of our own. The people there, they are sick, and cannot grow food for themselves."

"Well," said Rodney interjecting with a mouthful of food, "We could help with that."

"We could trade you some medical supplies. Perhaps we could help the sick so that they could help with your harvest." Teyla suggested helpfully.

Oreth looked thoughtful, "I don't know."

"We can take a look if you'd like." John asked as he ate.

"The colony. We do not _visit_ it. It's not safe."

"Is their illness contagious?" asked John.

"No," said Oreth, "It only effects a select few. It cannot be caught. A lot are born with the illness."

"Simon, you up for seeing some patients?" John wasn't asking.

"I guess."

"Okay, see." John nodded, "We might just be able to help you then."

"I will walk you half way but go no further." Oreth said.

"And in the meantime perhaps you could show Teyla and Rodney around your village."

"I'd be honoured."

Oreth got up to leave, "Please eat, it's a long walk." And then he left.

"Are you insane? Sick people." Rodney said.

"Colonel are you sure?" Teyla said as she drank some of her drink.

John sighed, "You heard him. Its not contagious. We'll be fine."

_TBC_

_Famous last words or what._

_Whump for john……and possibly for Simon………….its a comin._

_REVIEW….sorry to shout……..review please _


	19. Chapter 19

John was sitting up on one of the hills overlooking the village they had arrived at three hours ago and was using his knife to idly cut blades of grass as he spoke to Rodney over the radio.

"How much longer are you going to be?" whined Rodney as John massaged his temples wearily.

"As long as it takes. Their medical equipment isn't nearly as advanced as ours and it's taking Simon a while to analyse the results." His voice sounded flat and emotionless and he knew it was a product of the headache which thrummed steadily behind his eyes. He bore his thumbs into his closed eyes to release some of the pressure as Rodney continued to speak.

"Well hours? Days?"

"I don't know. He's been examining people conscious _and_ unconscious for the past few hours."

There was a moment of silence.

"And he has no idea what's causing it?"

John looked up at the sky. The light was beginning to get low and there was a significant chill to the air. He pulled his jacket together tightly at the neck to conserve some warmth, "I haven't really spoken to him in a while." It was true. Simon had begun examining patients and John had decided to leave him to it. After all he was just hovering over his shoulder like a spare part.

"How's it going out there?"

"Painful," said John as he moved his neck to alleviate the cramp setting in, "It took us an hour and a half to walk here and we both just kept saying 'so' and then not saying anything and I escaped a few hours ago to get away from him. He's driving me nuts."

"More so than me?"

"Jealous?"

"No." Obviously he was.

"Look, there's the possibility that we're going to have to stay here for the night and until Simon can confirm what this illness is, it's probably a good idea that you stay as well."

"But I have work to do."

"Zelenka can take care of it."

"And I want my orthopaedic mattress."

"You're back will be okay for one night."

"And you know my back intimately do you? I'll be in pain for days."

"Rodney, I have to spend the entire night with a man I hate. You're getting the better deal here." He rolled his shoulders.

"Fine." Rodney sounded like an insolent child.

"I'll check in with you later." He signed off and slowly got up, putting his knife away, and swaying unsteadily on his feet.

About an hour ago he had felt the beginnings of this pervasive headache and he also just wanted to get back to his room and go to bed. Not necessarily his bed. Elizabeth's, for some reason, was far more comfortable and warm and she had soft bed linen and……He smiled at the thought of her and realised if anyone could see him, he probably looked like a love struck fool.

He wandered back down to the dilapidated village, watching the ill shamble around in their fevered states. He could feel himself being watched as he entered the make shift infirmary and found Simon looking at a sample under a microscope.

"How's it going?" he asked as he walked over to him and leant against the wall.

Simon looked up at him with a sigh, "I _need_ better equipment for starters."

John closed his eyes against the pin pricks of pain spiking through his neck and head.

"They're all suffering from the same symptoms. General malaise, fevers, headaches, nausea, some have been coughing up blood," he paused, "It's difficult to say what's causing it."

"Any ideas?"

Simon shook his head, "Those that fall into unconsciousness don't wake up, but there's still sign of brain activity in them so-" another pause, "We need to get Beckett out here with some better equipment."

"Okay," said John. He walked over to the window and looked out and into the village, "Its going to get dark soon. We should bed down here for the night and head back in the morning." _As much as it pains me._

Simon seemed to be thinking the same thing.

--------------------

As darkness descended John returned to their hut, their accommodation for the night, and passed Simon a tray of food as he sat down onto one of the cot beds.

"You not eating?" asked Simon as he looked at the food before him.

John shook his head much to his own detriment, "No, I'll have something later. Not hungry."

Simon raised an eyebrow and tucked into his food.

"I've been talking to some of the villagers. Turns out they're pretty isolated here. Nobody ever visits," said Simon as he bit into a piece of bread.

"Explains why they're suspicious of us." He unclipped his P90 and placed it on the bed beside him.

"I don't get it," said Simon with a shrug.

"The other villagers are scared," John said leaning back against the wall and scrubbing at his face.

They sat in painful silence for another minute before Simon looked up, "About earlier, with me mentioning Atlantis, I-"

John interrupted him, "I meant to talk to you about that. Next time why don't you let me and my team do the talking."

"It was a mistake."

"And if you ever come across the wraith then you'll understand how it could be a costly one." John closed his eyes and felt his stomach do a somersault. For some reason the smell of the food was making him feel distinctly nauseous. Perhaps he needed some air. He went to stand, but before he could reach the door, Simon spoke out and stopped him in his tracks.

"I know about you and Elizabeth." He said it calmly and evenly, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to comment on.

John froze, his heart was hammering in his chest in a wave of palpitations and he didn't know if it was because of his decreasing health or because of Simon's revelation. He turned slowly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Simon pushed his tray away from him and leant back in his chair, "I _saw_ you kiss her." He crossed his arms over his chest and kept his eyes trained on John.

"I always kiss her goodbye," said John with a smile, "She worries when I go off world."_ Was he buying this?_

Simon laughed and John's initial instinct was to go over there and give him a matching bruise.

"How long have you been seeing her? Since earth?"

John crossed his arms and tried to look casual and unaffected by his line of questioning.

"You _both_ lied to me."

_As if I have any obligation to you. _John moved to lean against the doorframe as he vision swam in front of him. He wasn't feeling well and Simon wasn't helping, "Look, really, it's none of your business."

"But it's the SGC business," Simon said coldly.

"I care for Elizabeth," said John.

"So do I," countered Simon.

The two men stared at each other, both watching each others body language to try and discern what the other was thinking.

"Okay," said John walking over to the table and sitting in the opposite chair, "yes, Elizabeth and I are seeing each other. Have been for a while. She's happy."

Simon shook his head, "You took advantage of her."

"What?" John leant forwards and placed his palms flat on the table, "I did not."

"I'm sure if she was thinking straight she would realise that she's doing something wrong."

"There is nothing wrong about-"

"-You're military. Aren't there certain rules you should abide by?"

"Yeah," said John, "No fraternizing amongst the _military_ personnel. She's not military."

"So why haven't you told anyone?"

"Because the SGC wouldn't see it that way." He stood up quickly, "I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Then you'll be explaining to Caldwell."

John narrowed his eyes, "You're a real piece of work Simon, you know that? No wonder she doesn't want anything to do with you."

Simon stood up so fast that he knocked his chair over and he approached him, invading his personal space, "You don't know anything about me and Elizabeth, our past, _nothing_."

"I know you cheated on her," said John not caring anymore about protocol.

"I did not," shouted Simon.

John swallowed against rising bile in his throat and clenched his fists in a bid to control his anger, "What? Yes you did."

"There was never another woman," said Simon, "I lied. I knew she would go back and ……..I knew she had a life there and that she wouldn't understand that I didn't want to go to Atlantis. I thought I was helping her by making her think I was cheating."

"How did you think that would help her?"

Simon gave him a hard shove to his shoulders and he stood his ground, "I didn't think it would push her to you," he said angrily.

"So it would be fine," said John giving him a shove, "if she was alone? But because she's with me now it's a problem?"

"I didn't think she would be finding anyone anytime soon and least of all you."

John took a step back, "You're an idiot."

He was shoved to the ground roughly and he rolled over to pin Simon down to the floor, his superior training taking over in an instant, "She's with _me_ now," said John.

Simon pushed him off him and the two men sat on the floor breathlessly, "I came to Atlantis because I realised how much I do love her and want to be with her. Being scared to come to Atlantis should never have stopped me coming back with her."

"It isn't going to happen," said John bringing a hand up to his pounding head.

"I'm going to fight for her," said Simon quietly.

"No, you're-" John suddenly felt his stomach roll and rose to his feet, running to the door of the hut and kicking it open, just in time to throw up. His stomach spasmed and cramped as he heaved up his meagre stomach contents.

"Are you okay?" he heard Simon ask form the door, his anger having dissipated suddenly with the realisation that John was clearly unwell.

John held a shaking hand up and moved away from him to breathe in some fresh air. It only served to fuel his growing nausea and he bent over for round two.

"How long have you been feeling ill?" asked Simon.

John kept his hands on his knees and continued to stay bent over, "A few hours," he admitted begrudgingly, "Must have been something I-" He coughed into his hand and straightened up, "I'm feeling better," he lied.

"This is bad," said Simon.

"I'm….fine," John enunciated slowly.

Simon reached out for his hand and showed him the blood colouring it.

---------------------------

Elizabeth walked into the control room as the gate technician acknowledged her.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"We've got Colonel Sheppard's IDC."

"Put him through," she said reaching up for her radio with a smile. She'd missed him. "John?"

The voice that answered wasn't the one that she was expecting and she narrowed her eyes, "Simon?"

"Elizabeth, I need to set up an immediate quarantine at this village. We have a potential communicable disease here."

"Simon?" She was already beginning to get worried.

"Get Beckett to bring diagnostic equipment."

"Simon, who's sick? Rodney said you and John went alone." Her heart was in her throat as she spoke. Frightening simulations were running through her mind.

"He said he was fine," she heard him say in a panicked voice.

"Simon?"

"Colonel Sheppard started coughing up blood, he's got a fever, he's….. really sick."

She reached out for a console for support when her legs failed her, "I'll send a team through now."

TBC

_Had some trouble writing this or getting motivated or something. Sorry it's short. I'll probably edit it better within the next few days._


	20. Chapter 20

_A lot happens in this chapter…………….action!_

_------------------_

John looked up from the cot bed when Simon re-entered the room. His face was contorted into an expression of worry. John was surprised at the level of concern he had been showing him. It seemed he couldn't let anger get in the way of being a dutiful Doctor.

"Did you speak to them?" he asked rubbing his temples and trying to abate the nausea which came in waves.

"Yeah," said Simon turning to him, "They're sending a team to quarantine the village."

"Are they going to quarantine the other one? Rodney and Teyla could be at risk."

"I think they'll stop movement between the villages and set up a quarantine up there too," he walked over to the samples under the less than advanced microscope and started to examine the slide on it with Sheppard's blood.

"You didn't tell her I was sick did you?" John asked wiping a bead of perspiration of his forehead.

Simon didn't answer which only led John to reach the natural conclusion.

"You told her?"

Simon sat up straight on his chair and didn't look at him, "She deserved to know. Especially if you're as close as you say you are." John watched him work his jaw.

John was feeling hot and uncomfortable, his vision still blurred and his hands were annoyingly shaky. He had to keep clasping them to make it stop.

He should have been thinking about self preservation but his mind was still lingering on their earlier conversation.

"Look Simon, I…_really_," he took in a steadying breath, "I really….." he licked his lips. God this was awkward, "-care for her…… More than anyone…." He stared down at his feet, "-_ever_." Admitting his feelings, even to Simon, felt somewhat therapeutic.

Simon sighed, "So do I? "

_What, is this a competition or something? I like her more than you…nuh nuh!_

"I hate to think that she'll be sat there now worrying, sat at her desk and twirling that one stray curl she has while she simultaneously-"  
"-chews on her lip," said John with a small smile. He'd noticed her do that too.

Simon shared a look with him and then looked down, "She's done that forever. Whether she worrying or just concentrating, the same movements-"

"She does it when she's working on reports," said John leaning up against the wall and pulling his legs up to his chest. He wished he was with her there; instead he was going to be spending the next few days with a guy he could barely tolerate. He hated feeling so useless. This wasn't even a military situation so he couldn't hide under the veil of his work. It was medical and that made Simon, technically, in charge.

"I should imagine." Simon looked wistfully up at the ceiling, "She's too caring you know. Gets herself into trouble because of it."

"What are you saying?"

"That you seem to be, and no offence-"  
"So that means what you're about to say will be offensive," stated John.

"-what I mean to say is, you're ……unstable."

John's eyebrows shot up. "So, I'm a lost puppy she's taken _pity_ on? And unstable?" he paused. He didn't know how Simon could even make a judgement like that.

"I don't mean mentally unstable, I mean…….." he was trying to think of a better term to use and he could see that John was getting pissed off at his ineptitude,"- directionless when it comes to women. I've heard stories on base about your various….. conquests and I wouldn't want Eli-"

"She is _not_ a conquest and rumours, _wrong_ by the way, will circulate in close quarters." He sighed.

Their voices were escalating again and the situation was becoming familiar. They just couldn't seem to talk to each other normally. John was getting tired of their constant bickering and that was saying something. After all, he bickered with Rodney most of the time and never felt this irate.

"Look," said Simon, "I need to work and you need to reserve your energy."

"Lest I fall into a coma?" asked John dryly.

Many of the other sick people had eventually become unconscious so he knew what Simon was referring too. "I'm going to go outside and get some air." He got up slowly, his muscles aching as he moved.

"Are you sure you're okay to do that?" asked Simon. He couldn't shake his professional concern even if he wanted to.

John staggered to the door, "I'll be back in a few minutes. I want to check that Rodney isn't panicking about this." Because he knew he would be.

--------------

Carson walked into the gate room and approached his awaiting team comprised of medical staff and military personnel. His movements were limited in his Hazmat gear and he was already beginning to get ridiculously overheated. He was beginning to hope that the planet they were going to was really cold.

"Carson!"

He turned to see Elizabeth walking towards him. When she reached him she chewed her lip thoughtfully for a second before saying, "I want to come with you."

Carson looked at her, could see the weariness in her eyes and her pallid complexion, "I know you're worried, but I don't think that would be such a good idea."

Elizabeth clasped her hands together and tried to wring out the tension she was feeling, "I'm feeling fine," she lied.

Carson was taking her request as her being worried, but she couldn't really give him a valid reason as to why she wanted to go, other than her boyfriend was sick and she needed to see that he was okay.

"We'll keep in touch," said Carson as he fought with the headgear in his hands.

Elizabeth nodded, knowing that she was acting with her heart instead of her head, "Get John on the radio as soon as you get to him."

---------------

"I _cannot_ believe you're sick!"

John walked through the village, shambling as if he were an old man, and swaying slightly as he moved. The cool breeze was giving him little relief to his feverish body, "It's not like I planned this," said John, taking a moment to lean over and take in a deep breath. His aching muscles were protesting each movement, each breath, and it took every ounce of strength he had to push himself back upright, "Just let me know when Beckett gets to you."

"Do you think we're at risk?" asked Rodney.

John scanned the village and saw people watching him curiously, "I don't know," he admitted feeling feeble and useless, "Just make sure nobody comes down here."

"No chance of that," said Rodney. "Teyla wants to speak to you."

"How are you feeling Colonel?"

"Teyla it's good to hear your voice. I've felt better."  
"Doctor Beckett says he will be with us within the hour and to you soon after that."

"Good," said John as he coughed hard into his fist. His lungs burned with the effort and he could feel the sweat popping up on his forehead.

"Is Doctor Wallace okay?"

John turned back to the hut and could see that Simon was standing at the door studying him, "He's fine. Hasn't shown any signs of getting ill yet."

"That is good news," said Teyla.

"Okay, I'll check in later," said John signing off.

He heard the click of static as Teyla disconnected and he walked over to where there was a well in the centre of the village. He sat on its brick wall and scooped some of the water up and doused his face to quell the heat. Again, it was only momentary relief, but all the same, it felt good.

He'd been closing his eyes and possibly on his way to passing out when he felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see Simon standing over him.

"You should rest," he said taking his hands away as if he'd been burnt and took a step back, "And you really shouldn't be touching this water….it looks stagnant."

John sighed heavily, "It's cold water and I'm hot." He stood up unhurriedly, felt the creaking of his pained limbs and promptly sat back down again, "Beckett should be here soon."

"Good," said Simon, "You okay to get back to the hut?"

John drew his strength and stood up again. "I'm good," he said and started to walk.

He had only taken a few paces when he felt his knees go from beneath him and he caught himself just before he hit the dirt face first. He lay there for a second, panting hard, and coughing from the brutal assault on his chest.

Simon grabbed him by his arm and pulled him up to his feet, much to his own embarrassment, and allowed himself to be dragged back to the hut.

"Excuse me?"

John turned to see a woman who was hunched over and intermittently coughing into her fist. Her eyes were deeply sunken, her skin sallow and grey. She was shaking where she stood, but still she had moved over to where they had been to retrieve the Life Signs Detector he had dropped in his stumble.

John reached out for the device and had just made contact when he realised that the LSD was glowing blue. He looked over to Simon to see if he saw what he was seeing and then turned back to the woman, "It's glowing."

The woman shrugged and started to walk off.

"Did you see that?" John asked, a smile beginning to grace his countenance for the first time in hours.

"See what?" Simon asked as he looked up to the sky.

"It glowed."

"And?"

"She has the gene," said John. He tugged free of Simon and walked over to a man sitting outside his hut on an old wooden chair. He had a blanked tightly wrapped around him in a bid to fight his shivering.

"Hey, hold this," said John.

The man looked up at him as if he were insane, he slowly reached out and touched the device.

It glowed.

John nearly jumped. He turned, scanned the village, and moved as swiftly as his illness could permit to another young girl.

"What are you doing?" asked Simon following after him as if he were trying to chase an excited puppy.

"Hold this," said John.

Again the device glowed a brilliant blue.

"Don't you see?" said John with a big grin, "It's the gene. I'm betting everyone here has the ATA gene. That's why you're not sick," he said holding his stomach as a cramp moved through it. His happiness could still not distil the discomfort he felt.

"The gene?" Simon looked at John with wide eyes, "This gives us something to work with."

"Yes it does," said John, "We need to get in touch with Beckett and let him know."

"We should-"

John held his hand up and tapped his earpiece, "Rodney? Rodney?" he repeated a few times until a disgruntled voice on the other end answered.

"What?"

"The gene. Everyone who is sick here has the ATA gene."

"Oh my god, that means I could get sick," said Rodney.

"Stop worrying about yourself for once. Tell Beckett as soon as you have contact with him. He might be able to work something out on his way here."

-------------

Elizabeth had watched Carson and his medical team disembark over two hours ago and she hadn't been able to stop her worrying. She sat behind her desk, staring at a blank screen and leaning forward while she tried to not think of the worst case scenario.

The worst part of this scenario was she was going to have to wait until someone got in contact with her and that would probably take a while.

And John was sick, to what extent she didn't know, but she could physically feel a pain in her chest as she thought of him suffering on his own.

They had told her before that a lot of the people in the village had fallen into comas. Was that the case with him? Was he unconscious right now? Never to wake again.

She leant forward and put her chin on her hands.

All she could do was worry.

----------------

"We're on our way," said Carson into his earpiece as he walked. He was hot, the hazmat suit was restraining his movement, and he could feel the sweat pooling on his back as he walked. He was thoroughly uncomfortable and the others trudging behind him didn't seem much happier. Rodney had insisted on having a suit and escorting him and had been moaning the entire way.

"Who made these suits? You'd think by now with all of the advancements in science and technology that someone could make a more comfortable suit. Something a bit more flexible and-" he paused to breathe, "I'm so hot. Maybe I'm coming down with something. Carson, do I look feverish to you?"

Carson turned back to him, in doing so he had to rotate his whole body, and looked Rodney up and down, "I'm sure its just the suit."

"How can you know that?" asked Rodney.

"Well, I can hardly take you out of the suit to examine you and risk exposing you," said Carson trying to restrain the irritation that was slowly building up.

"How much longer?" asked Rodney as he nearly tripped over for about the fiftieth time.

"How much longer?" asked Carson, turning to Lorne who was also kitted up.

"I'd look at my watch but its covered by this suit," said Lorne, "I'd hazard a guess….no pun intended…..at another half hour or so."

"Well, that's accurate," snarked Rodney.

"You know Doctor Mckay. You could have stayed at the village," said Lorne with a dry tone.

"I could have yes, but I'm concerned for the welfare of a team member."

"And you didn't want to be left out," added Carson.

"I might be of use," said Rodney indignantly.

"Okay," said Carson holding his hand up and feeling the restrictive suit pinch his arms, "Lets all just concentrate on walking in these things."

"I think that would be a good-" Suddenly Lorne stopped and held his finger up. Rodney hadn't noticed and ploughed straight into the back of him.

"Hey!" he said.

"Shh," said Lorne, "Do you…hear that?"

It was difficult to hear anything deep with their respective cocoons but Carson was beginning to become aware of a sound. It was high pitched, above them and-

"We need to get out of here," said Lorne abruptly. He tapped his earpiece and was about to speak when a familiar silhouette passed over the top of them, blazing a trail behind it.

Lorne ducked instinctively and continued to speak into his earpiece, "We got wraith darts people."

-----------------

John had been lying quietly on his cot bed, listening to his own raspy breathing and feeling the sweat roll down the side of his face, when a voice in his ear had him reacting on instinct.

"Sir, we have wraith darts heading for your position?"

John sat up straight and shook his head. He was considering whether he was delusional when he heard the sound of darts over Lorne's head in the earpiece, "You have got to be kidding me," he said and expected no response.

"You need to get out of there," said Lorne stating the obvious.

"What's going on?" asked Simon turning around from looking at slides.

John closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, "That's going to be difficult Major, we got a lot of sick people here and a lot of unconscious people."

"We're heading to you now," said Lorne.

"No," said John getting up to his feet and pushing aside his dizziness, "No, head back to the gate, take as many people as you can…return with jumpers if you can," he reached for his P90 and clipped it onto his vest, "I have limited ordinance here as it is. We'll try and get anyone moveable out and scatter."

"Sir, I really think-"

"Lorne, that's an order. We need Beckett alive right now, and I need you to send help."

"Okay, Beckett's saying they can quarantine the gate room if necessary. You sure about this?"

"You know what a cullings like. Best bet is to scatter and head for the gate."

"Okay Sir."

Simon watched as John continued his conversation. He was feeling frustrated at not being able to hear the other half of it.

"Right," said John walking over to Simon and hauling him up into a standing position, "Get out your side arm. I'm going to need your help. We have wraith darts on their way here; we need to get people moving, running if possible towards the gate. They'll be a few of my men around to help them get out, but we need to do this now."

Simon looked panicked and wrestled his sidearm out of its holster, "Wraith?"

"I told you, you'd get to meet them," said John, "Look, we need to be quick. No time for questions."

"But there are people too sick to move, unconscious people," said Simon.

John clenched his jaw, "I know." He licked his lips and pushed aside his illness, "Lets do this quickly. Lorne is radioing for some Jumpers to be sent through as we speak but they may not get here in time."

Simon swallowed through the hard lump forming in his throat, "You realise we're breaking quarantine?"

"Screw quarantine," said John and he ran out into the village.

He fired a shot into the air and looked around at the various people coming out to witness his outburst, "Okay people, we need to get moving, running preferably. We got wraith on the way," just as he spoke a dart appeared in the sky, sweeping up a young girl on the edge of the village.

At that point, panic erupted, bodies jostling for freedom, faces filled with fear and terrified screams ringing out over the din.

John turned to see that Simon was pushing people to move.

John twisted just in time to see a man running at him. He wasn't moving at a speed that would have usually taken him off his feet but being sick and his strength weakened John felt the air rush out of him as he was pushed to the ground.

"Stop it," said John as he watched darts fly over them.

"I need a weapon," the sick man was weeping, "I need a weapon to defend myself."

"So do I," said John as the man grabbed his sidearm and tried to wrestle it off him.

"I can get you out of here, you just have to calm-"

He was struck in the face by a well placed elbow and found himself getting worked up with anger.

"Listen! He shouted as he heard more screams behind him, "You need-"

The gun went off and in that split second John realised he had no idea where the gun was pointing. The old man got up off him, looked panicked and then staggered away.

"Hey," John shouted as he sat up sluggishly.

He watched the old man leave, wondering why he had been looking at John in the way he had.

John felt something running down his shoulder and swiped it away as he got up slowly.

He picked up his fallen side arm and tried to put it back into his calf holster, wondering why his fingers felt so numb and shaky. The gun clattered to the floor and he retrieved it. He was feeling dizzy and uncoordinated all of a sudden.

"You okay?" he heard Simon ask as he ran over to him, his face flustered.

John didn't turn; he looked down and could see the hole in his tac vest. He looked at it quizzically and fingered the hole. He let out a gasp and pulled his finger free.

It was covered in blood.

He'd been shot in the shoulder.

"John?"

John readjusted his tac vest and turned back to him "Come on, lets go."

_TBC_

_All mistakes mine. I wrote this in one go to give you all something…..so I hope you realise any mistake is well…….made with good intentions :D_


	21. Chapter 21

"Keep moving!" John shouted as he tried to herd people forward. They were tripping on their own feet as they went, screaming and clamouring to get away as the darts continued to fly overhead. He watched another person get swept up in a wave of light and cursed loudly, "Come on, get to the gate!"

Simon had been shadowing him closely, his gun aimed at the ground, perspiration wetting his forehead.

As another dart flew over them John grabbed him by his arm and dragged him towards a line of trees, "We need to keep moving."

"There are still people here," Simon shouted over the whine above. He wasn't trained for situations of this magnitude and it was showing in his strained voice.

"I know," said John, "But we're not going to be able to help them." He didn't know how to explain it to Simon any better. They couldn't hang around either, there were wraith beginning to venture into the village, and two men alone couldn't stop the culling.

"We can't just leave them," Simon said as he followed John through the trees, avoiding fallen logs, as he moved.

"I don't like it anymore than you," John said trying to concentrate on staying upright and alert, "but we've got everyone scattered so there's a chance they might get out of this alive."

"What about the ones we left unconscious?"

John stopped and twisted to face Simon, pulling him towards him and raising a finger as he spoke, "Look, you have to keep moving. We can't help everybody." He paused and took in a deep breath, "I'm sorry, but….." he readjusted his grip on his P90 and felt a twinge in his shoulder, "The unconscious might get lucky. The wraith don't tend to waste their time on the weak and a lot of those people were half way to dead."

"This feels...wrong," Simon sighed.

There was movement behind them in the trees and a flash of grey.

"Simon, we _can't_ help them. We _need_ to get to the gate." He turned and started to run, Simon following close behind, throwing cautious glances over his shoulder as he went.

As John's legs pumped and his feet slapped down on the earth below his mind was racing. Everything had happened so quickly, his illness, the wraith turning up, people were running in all directions with little or no hope of escaping, and he was being backed up by a guy who had never been in a situation like this before. It all felt so hopeless and he was already pervaded by a sense of guilt that was so overwhelming it threatened to send him down to the ground. His heart was racing as he moved and he could feel the slickness at his shoulder increasing with ever swing of his arms.

He jumped a log and skidded to a stop when a wraith appeared in front of them. He managed to turn just in time to push Simon to the ground as a stunner blast passed over their heads.

"Is that a..?"

John ignored Simon, pushed himself up to his feet, and ran at the wraith at full pelt while simultaneously firing off shots with his P90. They hit the target and when he reached the wraith he threw his whole body into it to push it to the ground. Their collective bodies sank to the ground with a thud and John's finger was grasping for the trigger when the wraith dug his feet into his stomach and pushed him off. In a matter of moments, the wraith was grabbing him by the throat, lifting him up, and pressing him against a tree.

"Simon!" he shouted over the deafening thrum in his ears, "Shoot him!"

The wraith retracted his hand and just before he plunged Simon pressed the trigger. Bark sprayed out next to John's head and he felt the burn as some of it shredded his cheek. The wraith was stunned, ducking reflexively, and John manoeuvred his gun around to fire off two shots straight into its chest.

"Fire again!" shouted John.

Simon walked closer, fired the entire round into the wraith, without really looking and it sank to the ground in one last flailing move.

John was still leaning against the tree, breathing heavily, and looking down at the body with morbid fascination. If it was going to make another move, he was ready to take it down.

"Are you okay?" Simon asked taking the wraith by a wide berth to reach John.

John clipped his P90 back onto his vest, "I'm fine. Come on."

He took off, running as an excuse to mask any new injuries he may have acquired and to take the focus off his ravaged body. It was bad enough that the strange illness had taken away his energy and left him weak, but the bullet wound and his probable concussion was leaving him feeling shattered. He didn't know how long he could keep up his pace, but he didn't want to risk stopping and reducing the flow of his fuelling adrenaline.

----------------

As soon as Carson had got through the gate he was making orders, "I need anyone with the ATA gene to get out of here and I need to quarantine the gate room and get a triage area set up immediately!"

Elizabeth ran down the steps to the gate room to join him, "What's going on?"

"Wraith," he said panting, "Lots of them."

"And John?"

"We didn't reach him in time. He ordered us back," said Lorne as he approached her.

"What?"

"He's an idiot," Rodney offered unhelpfully.

Lorne shot him an irritated look. "The darts started flying over and he said to get as many people out as possible, some of my men have stayed back to get people through-" just as he spoke people started to emerge from the stargate.

"We're going to have an influx of patients," said Carson, "But Sheppard suspected it only affected people with the ATA gene so we need everyone with it out of here now."

Elizabeth turned back to members of her staff, "You heard him. Everyone with the gene get out of here. Was he close to the gate?"

"It'll take him a while to reach it, especially if he's ill."

"And we can only keep the gate open for thirty eight minutes at a time," said Rodney.

Carson had a team mobilised to receive the new patients.

"We have a room we can mobilise as the quarantine?" asked Lorne as he watched people surge through the gate with panicked looks on their faces.

"Back here," said Elizabeth glad to be of use.

----------------

They were on a hill, the gate was in sight, but they watched the gate shut down and then simultaneously get re-dialled. The area around the gate was empty so at least the remainder of his team had managed to get through. Hopefully alive.

"Dammit!" John muttered as he leant against a tree.

"What?" Simon asked as he nervously looked behind them.

John continued to lean, looking nonchalant even, "They dialled in to prevent anyone else escape," he said resignedly. Simon couldn't believe how John wasn't shaken by this. Their only means of escape was seemingly cut off and he looked calm. He'd obviously been in this situation before.

"But they were keeping it open for us," said Simon. He looked John up and down and could see that he was almost ready to drop. He realised however, that the stubborn man wasn't going to admit it.

"The gate can maintain a connection for a maximum of thirty eight minutes, trust me I know from experience, and when it shut down the wraith must have taken their chance to dial up and stop people from getting out."

"So we're stuck?" Simon could feel his panic building incrementally. Months ago the biggest worry he has was running out of coffee and toilet roll.

"It's not their fault. We've been on the move for three hours. It was inevitable," he sighed and looked up to relieve the tension in his neck.

"We're going to die," said Simon suddenly.

John was about to comment on the fact that he was beginning to sound like Rodney when he opened his eyes and looked up thoughtfully, "Climb."

Simon moved his eyes away from the gate and turned to John with a confused expression, "What?"

"This tree," said John, as if it made perfect sense, "Climb it."

"This is a joke..right?"

John reached up for one of the lower branches and started to pull himself up slowly. The pain was excruciating and his weakened arm wasn't helping any but he thankfully had a good foothold, "We need a good defensive position while we wait," he said as he looked down at Simon, "It has a thick cover of leaves above so the darts wont be able to see us, we can see the gate and we can see any approaching wraith. Trust me; this is a good strategic position." He continued to climb. "Are you coming?"

Simon sighed, realised John wasn't joking, and climbed up behind John, joining him high up on two thick branches that intersected and conveniently created a flat area to sit on.

They sat opposite one another, their backs resting on the branches.

"Now what?" Simon asked as he examined John's face. He could see that John's exterior was carefully cultivated so as not to give away his pain, but his ragged breathing couldn't hide the fact that he was injured. Professional concern was overriding his thoughts.

"We wait," said John checking his P90 over and counting the bullets left in the clip.

"Right," said Simon hugging his legs. "Uh, thanks by the way, for earlier."

John looked up at him with tired eyes.

"For saving my life."

John waved a hand up at him and set is head back to rest, "Don't mention it."

"I didn't realise it was as bad as this," said Simon glancing below them nervously.

"All in a days work," said John, "it's been getting worse though."

"How long are we going to have to stay here?"

"Not sure. We might have to wait till the wraith get bored, other than that Atlantis might be able to re-establish a wormhole and then we can-" he paused and took in a steadying breath.

"Are you injured?" asked Simon leaning forward, careful not to take an accidental spill off the side of the branch. He hoped it could stand their combined weight.

John opened his eyes, reasserted some composure and blew out a breath of air, "I'm fine, Simon."

"You're lying to me."

"Okay," said John, "I have some horrendous illness that's making me feel like crap and-" He paused and remained dead still.

"What?"  
John held him finger up to still him and then pointed down.

Below them there was a wraith.

John edged his finger over his trigger and began to aim down.

The wraith stood still for a further few seconds and then went on its way, disappearing into the underbrush.

Simon let out the breath he didn't realise he had been holding and wiped his face wearily.

"You were saying?"  
"I think its best if we keep quiet," said John deflecting anymore comments about his current state. It was true that he was feeling absolutely wrecked. If anything they were probably in the best position so he might be able to get a few snatches of sleep to recharge himself. He let his eyes close and it was Simon who prodded him awake.

"You're not going to sleep are you?"

"Just resting my eyes."

"But what if they come?"  
"We're well hidden Simon. Look, I'm not sleeping. You can prod me every half hour if it makes you feel any better."

He heard Simon sigh again. It was a wonder he actually got any oxygen to his brain the way he breathed out like that all the time.

"We'll be fine Simon."

"But if you're injured," Simon whispered.

"Simon."

"Okay."

--------------------------------

Elizabeth was tired. She had a headache, induced by worrying so much and her gate room was pandemonium. Carson had set up an intricate triage section and quarantined the sick in separate rooms. They had managed to get out a lot of the people from the villages both sick and well, but their connection had been cut off hours ago and they couldn't re-establish another wormhole. She had told them to keep trying and to contact her when they had more news.

She swiped open the door and entered John's quarters. As the doors closed behind, she felt like she was intruding, but she wanted, no _needed_, to be close to John and this was the only way she could think to do it.

She scanned his room and stifled a laugh, tinged with such restrained emotion she could have cried. His bed was unmade, his clothes were still strewn around the room in a lazy fashion and there was a pile of paperwork on his desk that he hadn't done.

She walked over to the pile and looked at the sketch he had drawn on top of it of a smiley face and a note to himself saying, _"Do these you lazy ass!"_

She smiled and wandered over to his bed, retrieving his pillow, and inhaling his scent. She continued to hug it and lay down on the bed, pulling the covers around her to cocoon herself from the outside world.

----------------------

It had gotten dark fairly quickly and John had felt the cold brush of the breeze on his skin. It pulled him out of his sleep and struggling feverently he had managed to open heavily lidded eyes.

He felt something pinch at his skin and slapped at his arm to kill the offending bug that sat there.

Simon jolted awake, apparently succumbing to low energy levels, and stared at him wide eyed, "What was that?"

"Bug," said John, using what little energy he had to kill another bug as it landed on him, "Didn't notice there were so many of these things." He looked into the air and could see the tiny things swarming around him, looking for lunch.

"How are you feeling?" Simon asked.

John licked his lips, considered the question, and then lied, "I feel good."

Simon rolled his eyes, already accustomed to John's down playing of injuries. He knew there was something else wrong with him and he couldn't figure out what it was. He couldn't help but feel that if they had a closer relationship he might have disclosed what was wrong.

"The gates still active," said John.

"I can't hear anymore of those……darts."

"No," said John, "Neither can I."

"You think its Atlantis?"

"I don't know," said John. He reached his hand up to his radio and gave it a try, "Hey, anybody there?"

The line was filled with static and a dart whined overhead. He raised his eyebrows and switched off his radio.

"Well, I guess that answers that question," said Simon silently.

John leant forward all of a sudden and gripped his shoulder, biting down on his lip, and panting.

"Okay, what is it?" said Simon carefully moving forward and keeping his fingers dug into the branch.

"I told you-"

"And I'm telling you," said Simon raising his voice, "What is it?"

John continued to hold his shoulder.

"Colonel?"

"I got shot in the shoulder," he said not meeting his eyes.

"What?" Simon wrenched his hand away and started to examine the area in question, "Why didn't you mention this?" he fought with the tac vest and moved it to the side, "You've lost a lot of blood by the looks of it. Has it gone all the way through?"

"I don't know," John admitted sullenly, "Look, I didn't mention it because you don't have your medical bag and I figured it could wait."

"You're ridiculous," said Simon vehemently, "Any pain in your chest? Difficulty breathing?"

"I had that before with this damn-" he coughed into his fist on cue,"-illness. Its nothing I haven't had before. Its possible it went all the way through."

"Possible but not definite. You could have a bullet inside you now. One false move and it could move, nick a vital organ. Tear your aor-"

"Okay I get it." He dug into his tac vest and found some field bandages and passed them to Simon.

"We can wrap the wound, stem the bleeding," he said as he unravelled them.

"Kind of difficult in this tree," said John.

"Well, just take of the vest and your t-shirt and I'll see what I can do."

"Its freezing and there are hundreds of bugs making me lunch."

"So now you're afraid of bugs?"

John was going to mention the iratus bug but thought better of it and sluggishly started to remove his clothing. He tried to keep his balance, moving slowly and deliberately. He finally got his t-shirt off and Simon worked on the wound, securing the bandage around him securely, "You should have told me."

"I know," said John.

When Simon had finished he re-dressed; balance still an issue.

"Does it hurt?"

"On and off."

"We should try to keep your mind off it," said Simon as he sat back and readjusted his position.

"Let me guess where this is going?"

Simon pulled his legs up to his chest to conserve warmth.

"Let me guess…the subject matter will be Elizabeth and you're going to ask me if my intentions towards her are honourable?"

"No," said Simon, "But now you bring it up."

"You're not her father, you're not my keeper so lets leave it at that." John crossed his arms over his chest.

Simon looked off to somewhere in the distance.

"Look," said John. He reached into his tac vest and pulled out some painkillers and fought for his canisters freedom, "I know I haven't exactly been sensitive to the fact that…well-" he swallowed the tablets, "..you loved her."

"I just don't think you're good enough for her."

John nearly choked on his water.

"You're a soldier. You step through the gate all the time. She'll eventually have to deal with grief."

"Grief like when you broke up with her?" John snarked.

"I never meant to hurt her. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing."

"Atlantis is another world. These situations are day to day, but we're all used to it. We're not going to give up on being together because the odds are-"

"Overwhelming?"

"-against us."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence that passed between them like it so often did.

John could feel the drugs starting to take effect. They seemed a lot stronger than usual. He could feel his tongue going fuzzy and his head light. He was beginning to think he had made a stupid decision by taking them. They were after all up a tree. A very tall tree.

"Elizabeth's father was military. She swore she would never date anyone affiliated with it."

"Well, I'm different," said John.

"You're essentially the same."

"People change."

"Or their manipulated."

John laughed at that comment, "Yes, I'm an evil genius. I convinced a woman who I most definitely don't deserve, and who is infinitely smarter than me, to go out with me."

Simon's mouth fell open, "You admitted it."

"Admitted what?"

"That you don't deserve her."  
"Of course I don't," said John rubbing at his head.

Simon was silent.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh there's something."

Silence.

"These painkillers are making me feel weird," John admitted suddenly.

"You're illness might be interacting with them. Making them stronger."

"You couldn't have told me that before I took them?" He rubbed at his stomach as nausea began to rear its ugly head.

"And having them on an empty stomach was probably not a good idea."

John suddenly moved his head over to the side and threw up. He watched as his stomach contents sailed to the ground with a splat. He sat back against the tree and groaned, "I could have just given our position away in a very…unconventional manner." He was sweating, hot, his mouth dry, his throat sore.

"It certainly went the distance," said Simon peering over the edge and then handing him his canister.

"Look Simon," said John reaching out for it and then closing his eyes, "Can we drop the 'Lizbeth issue," he slurred.

"I'm not sure I can."

"Well I'm going to. I love her and that's all you need-" he stopped and snapped his eyes open at the realisation of what he had just said.

"Did you just say you loved her?"

"Uh…yeah…I did," said John. He looked down, eyebrows knitting together at his revelation.

"You love Elizabeth?"

"I didn't say that," said John, "It's the drugs."

"You love her?" Simon tested the words.

"I mean…" he closed his eyes and realised what he was missing.

They sat in complete stillness, staring at one another.

"Oh."

--------------------

The gate alarm was blaring and Elizabeth ran into the gate room. She had barely had time to think about her own health she realised as she skidded to a stop by the gate technician.

"What's going on?"

"Incoming wormhole has been established. Receiving IDC now…it's Colonel Sheppard," he said with a hint of surprise.

Elizabeth felt her face light up and tapped her earpiece, "John?"

"Oh it's good to hear your voice," he said. His voice didn't quite sound right.

"The shields down," she said racing down the steps to intercept him.

She waited, hands clasped together, bounding up and down on her heels and Carson joined her at her side. He was still in his Hazmat gear.

Two figures emerged from the event horizon. As soon as she looked at John she could tell that something wasn't right. The way he was holding himself and a look in his eyes that told her to worry instantly.

The gate closed with a swoosh and just as Carson approached him he collapsed to the ground.

Elizabeth knelt beside him, rolled him over with the help of Simon and Carson and looked at his still body.

"John!" she called out giving him a shake, "John!" Her voice was getting higher, her heart was racing, and she was scared to death.

"Why isn't he moving?" she asked looking up at Carson with teary eyes.

Outwardly she was falling apart and trying to keep herself in check. She was trying to make it appear that she wasn't desperately worried for her partner. She knew she had to look professional, remain detached, but her insides were screaming at her. Her boyfriend was lying unconscious on the floor, unmoving, and when Carson checked his pupils they were still and unresponsive.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"We need to get him to a bed now," said Carson.

"Simon what happened?"

"He got worse on the way back to the gate." He was pacing and running a hand through his hair, "The wraith left and he told us to run. He was flagging behind, getting sicker-" he reached out for her hand and she pulled away to kneel beside John. "John!" she called out again and suddenly she was crying. She couldn't hold it together anymore. The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks and all she could think was screw her professional exterior.

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

Elizabeth had watched in slow motion as a gurney arrived, John was gently laid down and rolled away to a specially designated quarantine area, her in tow. She was surprised when Simon followed; she wasn't surprised when Rodney and Teyla insisted on joining them, their worry palpable.

After hours of examination and surgery Carson finally emerged, sweating from within his Hazmat suit, and looking subdued. She suspected that it was the product of exhaustion more than anything. He had been keeping a round the clock watch on his various patients since returning.

"Carson?" Elizabeth approached him and stared over his shoulder and into the room where John was lying. She couldn't see much as a curtain had been erected to keep prying eyes, like hers, from seeing him.

"We managed to stop the bleeding in his shoulder and locate the bullet. It hasn't done any permanent damage."

"Oh thank god," said Elizabeth turning to the others and smiling. When she turned back to Carson, his expression was still noticeably grim. "What is it?"

"He's in a coma."

"What?" her hand flew up to her mouth and she leant against the wall for support.

"He's responding to pain stimuli so his neural reflexes are still intact, but he won't open his eyes and he won't respond to verbal stimulation."

"Carson?"

"We need to find a cure to this illness otherwise…" he paused, "I'm afraid it's likely that he won't ever wake up."

Elizabeth was beginning to lose her grip. Her façade was slipping and it would only be a matter of time before everyone suspected that she and John were seeing each other. "Can I see him?"

"Of course."

Elizabeth entered the room slowly, hesitantly, and approached where John was lying motionless.

When she reached the bed she reached out for his hand, hoped her touch could make him react, and felt her heart sink when he didn't register it.

"Oh John," she said as she brought her hand up to his hair and ran her fingers through it soothingly, "What have you done now?" Her eyes were drawn to the blood soaked bandage on his shoulder and she scanned his pale and unresponsive face.

He looked relaxed, as if he were sleeping. She threw a glance over her shoulder and there was nobody there watching over her. She leant forward and planted a kiss on his forehead, her lips lingering on his skin, feeling the warmth there.

She kept her face close and spoke to him in a whisper, "I hope you can hear me. I want you to wake up. I know you're stubborn but this is ridiculous so why don't you open your eyes and prove me wrong."

She watched for movement, "You can't leave me," she said and stroked her finger along his arm, stopped at the needle threading into his skin, and drew her eyes back to his face, "You're going to fight this and you're going to wake up. I know you. You're strong."

She felt her lips quiver, her heart rate quickening, and the hot sting of tears as they clouded her vision, "Please John, not like this, _please_." Her voice wavered away and she swiped at a rogue tear that slid down her cheek effortlessly, "If you wake up I promise not to give you any paperwork for a full month and.." she wiped away another tear, "I'll clean your room, give you a massage every night and-" she licked her lips thoughtfully, "I'll let you use as much of my shampoo as you want." She smiled and stroked his hand with her shaking fingers, "Wake up."

She felt a presence behind her and stiffened, moved to stand straighter and distance herself from the man lying in front of her.

"Talking sometimes helps," said Carson from behind her, "Hearing is the last sense to go so there's a chance he can hear you."

"I don't think _just_ talking is going to wake him up," she said composing herself and wiping away any stray tears. She turned to Carson, looking as though she hadn't shed tears, and giving away the fact that she cared deeply for the man lying in front of them. "Have you made any progress?"

"As far as we can tell, John was right. It only affects people with the gene."

"So, no cure?"

"No, not yet. But I'm going to find one."

Elizabeth turned back to John, "He's resilient," she said, "He always beats the odds but this time…" she felt her vocal chords close and the painful lump in her throat ache, "I'm not so sure."

"We'll figure this out," said Carson touching her shoulder. "Perhaps you should get some rest. You're still not well."

Elizabeth nodded, "I might have a quick lie-down, contact me if anything happens, or even if it doesn't and I'll be back later."

She left the make shift infirmary with a final glance and Rodney and Simon entered the room.

"No change?" asked Rodney as he looked down at his friend.

Carson shook his head.

"I'd like to help you run any tests," said Simon.

"More help the better," said Carson as they left.

Rodney stood over John and gave him a prod in the arm, "Wake up idiot," he said loudly, "If you can hear me, you're-" he leaned in close, "-you're upsetting Elizabeth."

There was no response, "One sided conversation then huh? And I know, I know, you'd say that I can do that perfectly well when you're actually conscious. There's a thought, maybe I can talk you into waking up, irritate you so much that you have to burst through this coma to tell me to shut up." He laughed softly, "Right?"

The heart monitors beeped, his chest rose and fell, but he didn't move, "Fine, have it your way because I'm telling you Sheppard, I can talk for the both of us and then some. How about………._oh_ I could tell you about the new theory I've been trying to undermine lately," he pulled up a stool and leant on the edge of the bed, "Or…..I could give you an equation to work out. If you don't answer it then it confirms that you're just staying in that coma to avoid answering it because really you're not clever and I'm right in assuming you're an idiot fly boy."

He was beginning to annoy himself, "Okay, okay, look…you need to wake up, because I cant have someone else bossing me around when we go off world. And, I need your gene, though yes it is the reason you're in this mess and why I'm in this ridiculous hazmat gear. Its really hot in here, I'm sweating, seriously my back is soaking and my nether regions are just as-" he waited. If John was awake he would have been disgusted by now and made a biting remark.

He sat for a further few minutes simply watching the man before him breath absent-mindly reaching down to his arm to try and itch the hives he had springing up on his arm. He couldn't see them because of the suit, but he could feel them. He was probably allergic to the suit with his luck. He reminded himself to ask Carson for some antihistamines.

-------------------------

Elizabeth had tried to sleep but she couldn't relax, so she had decided to clean up John's room. She was folding his clothes up when the door chimed and she froze. She tried to still her breathing, in fear that the person on the other side of that door might be able to hear her.

"Elizabeth?"

She walked over to the door and palmed it open to find Simon standing on the threshold.

"Simon?" she said throwing John's t-shirt onto the bed.

"I thought I'd find you here," he said as he walked into the room and scanned it with tired eyes.

"I thought you were helping Carson?"

"Yeah, I just came up to check on you."

Elizabeth put her hands behind her back, "I was just coming to get John a change of clothes for when he woke up."

"I know that you two are seeing each other," he said dropping his head before she could meet his gaze.

"You do?" Elizabeth sat down on the bed and clasped her hands together.

"Sheppard told me," Simon said. He sat down beside her.

"He did?" she raised an eyebrow and smiled softly. But then her mind raced through the implications of it and she started to panic, "Simon-"

"Don't worry," he said with a heavy sigh, "I'm not going to say anything."

"You're not?"

"No. Even though you lied to me, I can see why you did it." He was wringing his own hands, "I guess when you told me to move on…you might not have accepted the fact that you were moving on too."

Elizabeth looked down at her hands, could feel them shaking, her eyes watering again.

"Hey," Simon slipped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in tightly for a hug, "Everything will be okay. Carson is working on finding a cure and-" he paused and tilted her face up to look at him, "everything will be ok," he repeated.

"Its all so messed up," said Elizabeth sniffing back tears, "I have to hide my feelings from colleagues and he's lying down there in a coma and-" she wiped her eyes, uncontrollable sobs beginning to wrack her body.

"Shh," Simon rocked her, and in a soothing voice said, "You have me. I'm here for you."

She looked up at him and he wiped away the tears that had streaked her face. His thumb lingered on her cheek and as their eyes connected he leaned into kiss her. His lips had barely touched hers when she retracted suddenly, getting up from the bed, and pushing her hands through her hair, "What are you doing?" she asked as she walked over to the other side of the room, as far away from him as she could possibly get.

"I'm sorry," Simon uttered as he stood up to go over to her.

"Get away from me," she said, "I love John, not you."

Again there were those words. Words they had seemingly said to Simon and not to each other.

Simon groaned, "Elizabeth I'm truly sor-"

"I want you to leave Simon. When the Daedalus arrives, I want you on it." Her words were filled with uncharacteristic venom.

"Elizabeth, cant we just talk about this?"

"You can talk all you want about this, but I'm going to go down to the infirmary and see-"

The door opened and Rodney was standing there, still clad in his ridiculous Hazmat suit, but she could see from his face that he knew something was wrong.

"What's going on here? I heard shouting."

"Nothing Rodney," said Elizabeth wrapping her arms around herself.

"Has _he_ done something?" Rodney walked into the room and looked between the two of them.

"We were just talking," said Simon.

"I was just leaving," said Elizabeth and she pushed passed Rodney.

"I guess you knew about this too, you came to find her _here_ after all," said Simon.

Rodney looked at him with narrowed eyes and tried to read his expression, "What did you do?"  
"It doesn't matter anymore, because I'm leaving," said Simon, "For good."

----------------------------------

_TBC_

_Okay so it's short………but I wanted to give you something to let you know I'm still writing this………oh and more Sparky soon………..so keep reading _


	23. Chapter 23

John awoke slowly, cracking open heavy eyelids, to stare up at the ceiling and listen to the rhythmic pulse of a heart monitor. _His_, he realised.

He blinked, desperately trying to piece together his fragmented memories. The last thing he remembered was………..he wracked his brain, couldn't quite grasp the images that floated around in his mind.

He raised his head slightly and narrowed his eyes when he saw the figure slumped over the bed, head resting on his hand, hair sprawling wildly over her face.

He reached around with his free hand to run his fingers through her curls and felt her stir under his fingertips.

She was sluggish to wake, blinking against tiredness and raising her head in confusion. She didn't automatically see him, in fact she looked behind her as if she expected someone else to be waking her, and then turned to him with wide eyes, "John!" she said as a smile crept across her lips. She squeezed his hands in hers and got up to kiss him on the lips. He felt a tear fall onto his face as she held him.

He reached up to cup her face, stroking her cheek and speaking in a voice that was so weak and frail sounding, he barely recognised it as his own, "'Lizbeth," he said with a smile of his own.

"You're awake," she said as she buried her head into his shoulder, "I thought you were-" the words died on her lips and she kissed him again on the cheek, more forcefully, more desperately.

"Hey," he said, feeling his eyes flicker closed as weariness began to pull him back, "I'm okay."

"John," she said gripping his hand tightly, "You've been in a coma for two weeks."

He met her eyes and felt instantly confused. _Two weeks?_

Again he tried to remember, again he came up with nothing, "Two weeks," he said as she stroked his hand with her thumb.

Before he could say anything further, Elizabeth was turning around and calling for Carson to come over.

When Carson arrived, muttering a 'bloody hell', he watched Elizabeth as she watched him. Her eyes never wavering from his.

"Finally back to the land of the living," said Carson as he reached for his penlight.

He had just positioned it to John's eyes when he swatted the light away, "I've been out for two weeks?" he asked again with a look of confusion.

"Aye," said Carson as he attempted to check his pupil reaction once more, "You were infected by the same illness as the others on the planet." He reached for a blood pressure cuff and started to wrap it around John's arm.

The planet, the sick people with the ATA gene, being shot…it was all beginning to creep back.

When John didn't ask another question, Carson continued to explain, "We started to get worried when other Atlantis personnel, ones who had had no contact with the ill started getting sick," he said and nodded in satisfaction when John's blood pressure read out was normal, "It didn't make sense. Especially, when Rodney didn't get ill."

"So?" John asked in a tired and gravely voice. He moved his shoulder tentatively and felt an ache there.

"It was the bugs," Carson explained.

John rubbed at his eyes, "Sorry?" The mention of the word bugs had his neck throbbing in sympathy.

"One of the soldiers had a bite mark just behind his ear, we were lucky to spot it."

"Rodney was complaining of allergies…..he said his arm was coming up in hives," Elizabeth said with a smile, "The same bit marks."

"The culprit was a tiny mosquito type bug." Carson explained.

"A _bug_ made us all sick?" he tried to coordinate his tired thoughts, "but Rodney _wasn't_ effected."

"Aye and in there lies the cure."

"His antihistamines," Elizabeth supplied and Carson shot her look. His face falling at the fact that he hadn't been able to make his grand revelation.

"_What_?"

"He'd been taking them for his allergies. Turns out one of the components in it left him immune to the bites." Carson smiled and shook his head, "We administered it to everyone and since then there have been no more outbreaks of the illness. In-fact, those who were sick have made a somewhat miraculous recovery."

"_Rodney_ saved everyone?" John couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.

"Well, Simon did actually," Cason admitted, "But Rodney's taking his share of the credit. We'll never live it down."

John shook his head, "Simon?"

Trying to assimilate knowledge when you had just woken from a coma was difficult at best, but to learn that Simon had saved him, disturbed him.

"I _can't_ believe it was that simple."

"Well, I wouldn't call it simple." Carson said with a roll of his eyes.

Elizabeth yawned loudly and both men looked over to her.

"You should get some sleep Love. The Colonel isn't going anywhere," Carson said.

John waved a hand up in the air. "Nope, I'm going to sleep for a week."

Carson and Elizabeth shot him a look.

"Sorry," John said, "I mean, I'm tired, so…I'm going to rest."

Elizabeth ignored Carson's look and reached over and squeezed his hand, "I'll see you later."

---------------------

John woke as the side of his bed dipped and he opened his eyes to see Elizabeth perched on the edge of the bed. The lights were down in the infirmary and the curtain was pulled closed around his bed. There was blissful silence.

"Hey," he said shifting up the bed slightly, "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I had to see you again. Make sure I hadn't dreamt earlier," she said as she rested a hand on his chest.

"I'm back," he said, "I'm not going anywhere."

She gave him a light prod, "I thought I'd lost you."

"Hey," he said shifting his legs under the covers, "I'm sorry I scared you like that."

She reached up and rubbed her face, "You would not believe the amount of paperwork I have to do."

"I can imagine."

"Are you okay?" Elizabeth whispered.

"I'm fine," he said.

John shifted over in the bed and patted the space he left.

"I can't. What if someone comes in?"

"Carson went to bed and the nurses think I'm asleep. Come on," he said waggling his eyebrows.

Elizabeth looked back at the curtain around them and then at the inviting space beside him. She groaned and then lay down beside him, laying her head down onto the pillow to avoid crushing his still healing shoulder.

"See, this is nice," he said tracing a finger up her arm.

"If we get caught-"

"Then I was cold."

"The Daedalus will be here at the end of the week. With Caldwell around, we'll need to be discreet."

"Weren't we always?" John asked, closing his eyes, and breathing in her perfume.

"We weren't so discreet when Rodney caught us in that closet."

John opened his eyes, "He hasn't been saying anything has he?"

"No," Elizabeth said quietly, "Actually, Rodney has been uncharacteristically supportive." She pursed her lips, "You look exhausted."

John shrugged and wrapped his arm around her waist, "I'm okay."

"This is me you're talking to."

"Okay," he admitted, "I'm tired, but I haven't seen you in a while."

"I know, but I've got to go," Elizabeth said, breaking contact and kissing him on the cheek.

"Okay spoilsport," John said sleepily, his eyes already closing and his hand flopping down onto the space she left.

Elizabeth leaned in and kissed his forehead, "I'll be back tomorrow."

"Kay," he mumbled.

She watched as his breathing levelled out as he fell into slumber. She smiled and then left.

---------------------------------

"So, you're finally awake?" Rodney was speaking before he even got to him and pulling up a stool before John could protest.

John was sitting up in bed and idly flicking through his tattered copy of war and peace.

"So, I guess you heard how I saved the day?" Rodney said crossing his arms and jutting his chin out smugly.

"Yeah, I heard Rodney," John said throwing his book to the end of the bed, "Thank you."

"So, no more berating me about my allergies, or hiding my antihistamines, or waving flowers in front of my face on missions and-"

"No Rodney, no more teasing," he said and yawned loudly.

"How can you be tired? You've been asleep for weeks."

"Yeah but to me it seemed like hours," John argued weakly, "And don't forget I'm still recovering from this," he pointed at his shoulder.

"So, when are you getting out of here?"

"Tomorrow sometime," John provided. "So, what have I missed around here? Anything interesting?"

"_Yes_, I kept a watch on Simon," Rodney said waving a hand up at him.

"I wasn't asking that," John tried to defend.

Rodney held his hand up, "And no, other than the plague that swept over Atlantis, nothing much happened. It's all been very boring really."

"I heard they relocated all of the villagers to a new world."

"Yes." Rodney reached over from John's book and flicked through it until he reached a bent over page, "Page twelve…..okay, this is further back from last time I saw you reading this."

"I decided to start again," John argued as he reached for it feebly, "I didn't take it all in the first time round."

"You haven't even read it all yet," Rodney said with a sigh.

"Are you bored Rodney?"

"No."

"You seem bored."

"I'm not bored," he rolled his eyes.

"Wanna play cards?"

"Sure."

"Colonel Sheppard."

John looked up to see Teyla standing in front of him.

"Hey Teyla."

"It is good to see you….awake," she said with a small smile.

"It's good to be awake," John added as he reached over for the cards on his side table.

"We were just about to play cards," Rodney said pulling over a chair for her to sit in.

"Go Fish?" Teyla asked, drawing her eyebrows together.

"I was thinking strip poker," suggested John. When two sets of eyes stared back at him with a look of horror he rolled his eyes, "Kidding. Besides, I'm only wearing one item of clothing. I lose one hand and I'm naked. Go Fish it is," he said as he dealt out the cards.

"This game, always seems, rather pointless," Teyla admitted as she picked up her cards.

"Yes well it is," Said Rodney. "That's kind of the point."

It was good to be back.

-------------------------------

John had been napping when he felt somebody change his I.V. He opened his eyes, expecting to see a nurse or Carson even, and was surprised when he saw Simon stood in front of him.

"Hi," John said as he watched Simon place some tape on his hand to secure the I.V.

Simon met his eyes and there was a fleeting look of something John couldn't put his finger on. He looked scared.

"A nurse will be coming by later to give you some meds and change the bandages on your wound."

Simon turned to leave.

"Uh, Simon?" John called out.

Simon stopped and turned slowly. He looked tense, the lines on his face creased, his mouth pursed together tightly.

"Look," John held his hand out, "I just wanted to say thank you, for figuring this one out."

Simon looked down at his outstretched hand and then hesitantly reached out to give it a shake.

"I was just doing my job," said Simon.

"Yeah, but, come on, this is me and you and we don't have the best history."

"I don't let a patient die because I don't get on with them."

"I know that," said John. _Take my damn apology!_ "I just wanted to say thank you, and for looking after Elizabeth. Rodney said that you were there to comfort her in a time of need." There was that look again, "Is there something _wrong_ Simon?"

"No," Simon revealed quickly, "You should get some rest."

-----------------------------------------------

_TBC_

_See I'm still writing this…I've got loads more sparkiness coming up and cutesy moments…..and yes John did just **THANK** Simon….how do you think he'll feel when he finds out what Simon did:D_

_I know some of you have commented that this story is a strange ride. Well, I guess it is in a sense. I'm basically just exploring John and Elizabeth's relationship. It's the different situations they come across in day to day life and how it effects their relationship, so it gives the impression of this story being all over the place. That's because, it kinda is. And it's going to be a long one. There are plenty more scenarios to put John and Elizabeth in. _


	24. Chapter 24

John narrowed his eyes as Simon walked through the infirmary.

Simon shot him yet another strange look, as John absentmindedly fiddled with the tape securing his I.V.

He'd been doing that a lot lately.

Simon _again_, walked past, glancing over to him as he moved to see another one of the infirmary's patients.

John only realised that Carson had come to stand by him when he felt a light slap to his hand, "I've told you enough times to stop messing with that I.V."

"It itches," John said defensively, "When am I getting out of here?"

"Now," said Carson.

"Now as in tomorrow, because you said that yesterday and then I was still here this morning."

"No, this time you can go. I've run your blood work and it's looking good and your wound is healing nicely, though you're not to return to active duty till I say so, _and_ you're not to do anything strenuous."

John rolled his eyes in response to Carson's nagging.

"I mean it Colonel. If I find you've been stick fighting or running or doing anything to land you back in here, I won't be happy."

"I promise," said John with a mock salute.

"Okay, well, I'll get the nurse to bring you your clothes and then you can go."

Simon retrieved something from one of the equipment racks, looked over his shoulder at John, and then disappeared from sight.

"Okay, I give up. What is wrong with him?"

"Who?" Carson asked as he wrote on John's discharge sheet.

"Simon," John provided with a heavy sigh, "He keeps looking over here and giving me the evil eye."

Carson looked up briefly and then returned to his scribbling, "I don't know what you're talking about?"

"He keeps staring at me," said John, crossing his arms like a belligerent child, "Its creepy."

Carson signed the chart and closed it, tucking it under his arm as he placed his pen in his top pocket, "I don't know. I suppose he has a lot on his mind. He's handed in his notice."

John looked up at Carson with a frown, "What? Why?"

Carson shrugged, "I don't know. I thought he was enjoying working here, but I guess his trip off-world did nothing to convince him to stay."

"Did he say why he's leaving?" John asked as a feeling of happiness started to build.

"He just said he didn't feel cut out for it."

"That's interesting," John mumbled as he rubbed his shoulder to ease the ache there.

"Aye, it's a shame because I'll have to find another Doctor who is equally qualified and really he was the best of an average bunch."

"Oh well," said John as he pushed the covers aside to hook his legs over the edge of the bed. "Not everyone is cut out for this." He smiled and held his hand out to Carson.

"I'll take your I.V out in a minute and no escaping before someone has brought you some clothes."

-------------------------------------------

John sauntered into Elizabeth's office, holding his arm against his chest to stop it from jarring, and came to stand behind her as she worked.

He gave a surreptitious glance upwards and then settled his hand on top of hers, before retracting it before anyone could see.

"You look happy?" Elizabeth noted as he perched on the edge of her desk.

"Well, I'm out of the infirmary finally. Seriously, I was going crazy in there and there's only so many times you can catapult latex gloves across the room before it gets boring."_ Unless, said latex glove happens to catapult straight into Simon's face._

She chuckled softly and shook her head.

"And," he said casting a look over his shoulder, "I just heard that Simon is leaving." He couldn't help but grin wildly.

Elizabeth looked up at him, startled even, and then sat back in her chair.

"What?" John asked seeing the barely perceptible change in her demeanour.

"Nothing."

"Elizabeth?" he said moving his head to catch her eye line.

"Okay," she muttered clasping her hands together, "But I don't want you to overreact."

John sat back, casually and crossed his arms, "Why would I overreact?" he asked nonchalantly.

"John?"

"Okay, _okay_, what is it?"

"When you were…..indisposed," she said pushing an errant strand of hair behind her ear, "Simon, kind of…._Kissed_ me."

She said the words so quickly that John barely caught them, "Sorry?"

"He tried to kiss me," she clarified, "Now don't overreact."

John pursed his lips, uncrossed his hands and went to stand slowly, walking over to the window to look down at the gate room.

"John?"

He was breathing hard and fast, his hands were clenching at his sides, and his jaw was set. He was defiantly angry.

"John?" she stood up slowly.

He didn't turn to her, "He tried to _kiss_ you?"

"Yes."

"When I was in my coma?"

"Yes."

He drew in a deep breath and then twisted on his heel, raising his good hand and clenching his jaw tightly, "That Son of a bitch!" he near shouted.

Elizabeth watched as some of the gate technicians turned to the noise and she moved to close her office door.

"I can't _believe_ I actually _thanked_ him for saving my god damn life," he began to pace back and forth, "That rat bastard!"

"John, nothing happened."

"No, well…..it didn't?"

"Of course not. I left and then he told me that he would be leaving Atlantis."

"That sneaky-"

"John," she moved to stop his pacing and guided him back to the chair opposite her desk to sit, "You need calm down, you'll make yourself ill."

John looked up at her, eyes fiery, mouth pursed, "He is _so_ out of here."

"Yes he is," Elizabeth said in an even tone, "So, there's no need to mention it."

"He _tried_ to _kiss_ you."

"I know, and I'm as angry about it as you are, but if you aggravate him who knows who he'll tell about us."

"I don't care," John said with an edge of incredulity.

"Please, promise me, that you won't say anything."

"Elizabeth."

"John," she said sitting back on her desk.

"I don't think I can."

"He's _going_ soon."

"I cant just…forget that he-" he shot up from his seat and reached up to his aching shoulder.

"Please," Elizabeth said joining him in the centre of the room and reaching out for his hand, "Promise me."

John looked down at the floor, his good mood gone, weariness etching his features, "Elizabeth."

"John."

He squeezed his eyes shut and then reopened them, "Fine."

"You promise?"

"I promise, I won't say anything to Simon."

"Thank you."

-----------------------------------------------------------

John was angry, stalking the halls with a look on his face that had personnel standing aside as he approached them.

Simon had kissed Elizabeth.

It explained all the shifty looks that Simon had been giving, the fear in his eyes, and the hint of guilt when John had thanked him for saving him.

He entered Rodney's lab and found him hunched over a laptop, and typing while simultaneously eating a sandwich.

"That Simon is a real piece of work!" he said as he walked in, noting that the lab was thankfully devoid of any other personnel.

Rodney was slow to look up, his mouth bursting with bread and lettuce as he went to speak, "Whu-?"

"Simon," John said as he pulled up a stool and sat beside Rodney, "He tried to kiss Elizabeth."

He didn't know how he had ended up in his lab. The last thing he wanted to do was confide in Rodney about his relationship, but with no other place to vent his anger, he thought he was a good substitute.

Rodney swallowed the food in his mouth and his eyes widened, "So that's what had been going on?"  
"What do you mean?" John asked resting his hands on the table and clasping them tightly.

"When you were first brought in, I found Elizabeth in your room, I heard arguing and when I went in, Simon looked guilty as hell."

"He tried to kiss her……in _my_ room?" John asked, "Oh, this just gets better. Now I need to find new quarters."

"Elizabeth pushed him off her right?" Rodney asked as he reached around for the other half of his sandwich.

"Yeah," John said with a determined nod of his head, "Of course."

Rodney continued to chew and type, "Well, he's leaving now anyway."

"And you didn't tell me you knew that because?" John asked in an exasperated tone, "I could have used the good news when I woke up."

"Slipped my mind," said Rodney as he looked at the laptop screen and groaned.

He pressed the delete button and sighed, "I've been busy. Atlantis doesn't run itself and there have been a few bugs in the system of late."

"Rod-_ney_."

At realising what he had just said, Rodney smiled weakly, "Sorry."

"I promised Elizabeth that I wouldn't say anything, but I'm so _pissed_ right now, I'm not so sure I can keep it."

"If you threaten Simon, you know he'll make an official complaint."

John pushed a hand through his hair, "Maybe I don't care about that."

Rodney put his sandwich down and swivelled his stool round to face John, "Are you kidding? The SGC find out and you're out of here. That means I have no gene to assist in my experiments."

"Is that all you care about?"

"No," Rodney divulged uncomfortably, "Truth is…I might…._kind_ of miss you being around."

John met his eyes and then gave him a shove, "Yeah, I might miss irritating the hell out of you too. Look, its not going to happen. Simon's word over mine."

"Caldwell's word supporting his."

"Caldwell is on my side, "John argued.

"He wants your job," Rodney stated, "Or have you forgotten?"

"He _wanted_ me job and I'm pretty sure he's got attached to the Daedalus. You've seen him on the bridge of his ship. He's like Kirk."

"A _very_ bald Kirk."

"You know, Caldwell kind of looks like-"

Rodney held a finger up, "Don't say it." He shoved more food into his mouth and then washed it down with a swig of cold coffee, "What are you going to do?"

John sighed, "Probably nothing."

"Probably?"

John avoided the question and instead focused on Rodney's calculations, "That's wrong."

"No, it isn't."

"_That_ integer is wrong."

"I've checked this five times."  
"Well, if you want to blow up your lab then you're right on schedule."

"I wouldn't blow up my………Are you talking about this integer?"

"Yes."

Rodney pursed his lips and stared at the screen for a few seconds, "It's not wrong."

"Is."

"Isn't."

"Is."

------------------------------------------------------------------

John crept back into the room, eased his pants off and then silently slid into bed. He wrapped his arms around Elizabeth and gave her a kiss on the shoulder. He was just beginning to dose off, his legs stretching out, when Elizabeth jerked awake.

"You're feet are freezing!" she said moving hers away.

"Hey," John said sleepily, "I do not have cold feet."

"They're like icicles," she said as she jutted her butt out to move him backwards.

John simply held onto her tighter and moved his feet around to touch her naked legs.

"John, I'm warning you," she said elbowing him lightly.

"Injured man here," he said rolling onto his back and releasing her from his grasp.

Elizabeth rolled over and took up position on his chest, hands stroking his chest hair and doing everything to avoid his freezing feet, "Where have you been?"

"Right here," he lied as he stared up at the ceiling.

"John?"

"I went to the bathroom," he lied again, pulling the covers up to cover his shoulders.

"You were gone for an hour."

"I had good reading material," he said with a smirk.

There was an easy silence between them before Elizabeth spoke again.

"You went to see Simon, didn't you?"

John pulled a face and bit his lip, "Sorry."

_John was overwhelmed by guilt as he neared Simon's quarters. He had promised Elizabeth that he would not do anything and yet the compulsion was just too overpowering. _

_He had to talk to him. _

_He had to at least retract his thank you. _

_Yes it was childish and petty but he had to appease his own mind. _

_He had to let Simon know, that he knew._

_He banged his fist on Simon's door until a tired voice called out that he was 'coming' and the door slid open._

_John walked into the room before Simon could protest and turned the light on. He stood in the centre of the room, hands on his hips, and staring down at his feet._

"_What the hell are you doing?" Simon asked as he reached for a t-shirt and pulled it on._

_John looked up at him and tried to speak as calmly as possible, "You know why I'm here Simon."_

_Simon wiped a hand across his mouth and took a step backwards, "I'm sorry."_

_John took a step forward, "Sorry that you kissed her, or sorry that you got caught?"_

_Simon looked straight through him, his mouth working soundlessly._

"_I told you that you were a nasty piece of work," John said._

"_Look, I got caught up in the mom-"_

_John narrowed his eyes, "Got caught up in what moment? From what Elizabeth tells me it was all one sided."_

"_I saw something that wasn't there." Simon admitted, "I still have feelings for her, she was upset and-"_

"_Simon, just don't," said John raising his hand. It was his bad side and his shoulder flared up. He gritted his teeth and felt his eyes water in response to the pain, bending over slightly to take in a steadying breath._

"_Are you okay?" Simon asked._

_John straightened up, "You took advantage of her, something, I might remind you, that you accused me of."_

"_I was wrong."_

"_I was in a coma."_

"_I wasn't thinking."_

"_I'm surprised you saved me," John said with a shake of his head, "I really am."_

"_I would never-"_

"_No you wouldn't. But……" John lowered his voice, "I told you that I…" he stumbled on the word, his breath hitching in his throat, his heart fluttering wildly, "Loved her."_

_John looked away, momentarily embarrassed by the return of his unexpected feelings._

"_I know." Simon looked down._

"_And you still did that."_

_John shook his head and went towards the door, deliberately barging past Simon and not caring when it hurt him more than it hurt Simon._

"_Sheppard?"_

_John stopped._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_It's a good job you're leaving," said John, "Because I would have killed you."_

_Simon's voice was shaky, "Is that a threat?"_

"_It **was** a threat. Now, you're going I don't have to follow through."_

"_You'd never-"_

_John spun around, grabbed Simon by his shirt and shoved him against the wall. _

_Just as quickly, he let him go and took a step backwards, "You try **anything** like that again, you **touch** Elizabeth again, and-"_

"_I'm going," Simon said sadly._

_Tension filled the air. Hot, uncomfortable, pervading._

"_Good." John met his eyes, shook his head, and then left._

"You promised me," Elizabeth said withdrawing from him.

John sighed, "I didn't do anything to him."

"No?"

"Just words," he lied as he remembered slamming him against the wall.

"John, if he tells-"

"He won't tell. He knows he did something wrong and hopefully in a few weeks time we won't have to think about him again. It'll be you and me."

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"I….."

The words, those words hung in the air, threatening to descend upon them and commit them.

John kissed her hand and closed his eyes to roll onto his good side, "I know."

He heard breath escape her lips in a short exhalation and if it was even possible, he was sure he could actually _feel_ her smiling.

_TBC_

Please Review


	25. Chapter 25

John awoke to the sound of tapping keys; he could feel a warm body beside him and was momentarily worried that he might be waking up next to Rodney.

Usually, when he woke to that sort of intermittent clicking, he was in the infirmary, Rodney at his bedside, typing away and oblivious to the world around him.

He cracked his eyes open and looked over to see that Elizabeth was sitting up in bed and writing up reports, laptop resting on the covers, her lips pursed and a frown creasing her features.

"Hey," he said yawning and rolling his aching shoulder.

"Hey," Elizabeth said shooting him a quick look.

"You didn't wake me, what time is it?"

"A little after eight," she said as she continued to type.

"And you didn't wake me?" he asked again as he sat up in bed.

"I thought you could do with the rest," she said.

"We should be up," he said as he checked his watch.

"No, _I_ should be up. You should be resting."  
"Why aren't you up?" he asked placing his hand on her leg.

"Did I mention you've been in a coma for two weeks?" she flashed him a smile, "I wanted to spend a little time with you."

He smiled back, "I feel like we're truanting."

"I am," Elizabeth said as she closed her laptop, "I'll get up in a bit."

"Aren't you worried somebody might see me leaving your quarters?" he asked waggling his eyebrows.

She gave him a playful poke, "This is the first time in weeks that I've had a lie in and no, I'm not worried."

"Okay," John said as he lay back down.

Elizabeth placed her laptop on the side table and snuggled up beside him.

"I'm sorry about last night. You mad?"

"Well at least you didn't hit him," she said as she ran a hand along his chest, "I'm just sorry it happened."

"Simon's an ass," John muttered.

"Simon came here for the wrong reasons," Elizabeth said, "And he'll be leaving soon, as you said."

"So, when am I getting back on duty?" John asked as he ran a hand through her tousled hair.

"John," she warned.

"Come on, going out with the head of the expedition should give me some perks."

"You're getting the perks Colonel Sheppard," she chided, "You'll return to duty when Carson says so."

She leant up on her elbow and gave him a kiss, his hands found her chin and he gave it a stroke as she broke away, "I'm on light duty," he said pulling away, "I can't do anything strenuous." He joked.

She smiled and kissed him again, "Kissing me isn't classified as strenuous."

"I don't know," he said with a grin, "Carson has spies."

Elizabeth batted his arm lightly, "Fine." She pushed the covers aside and got out of bed and headed for the shower, "I'll just shower on my own then," she said as she tossed him her t-shirt.

John lay in bed, heard the shower start up and then groaned, "You'll be the death of me Doctor Weir," he muttered before getting up and following her.

--------------------------------

The conference room was filled with a tension that Rodney was oblivious too as he spoke.

John was sitting beside Elizabeth, Simon on the other side seated next to Carson, and next to them was Teyla.

John kept looking over at Simon, and Simon kept avoiding his gaze. All the while Elizabeth was giving John looks to communicate to him to stop it. John gave her a _"What?"_ look and then smirked.

"So, they've all been relocated, they're doing remarkably well and my cure seems to have worked," Rodney said as he folded his arms.

"Simon's cure," Carson added with a heavy sigh.

"Hey," Rodney griped, "I was instrumental in their recovery. If it hadn't been for my-"

"Whining," Carson said.

"Allergies," Rodney stated, "You would never have realised that it was the cure."

John had been listening to them for the past half hour and felt well and truly out of the loop. He was not used to hearing information after an event, usually he was the one battling to help find a cure, or just plain _help_ in some way.

Sitting at the head of the table, the talk of the ill and the cure, he knew he was just another one of the cured casualties and had very little to add.

"Did you go back to their village?" John asked.

"It was destroyed," Teyla added mournfully.

"What about the coma patients back there? We had to leave them," John admitted sadly.

"Aye, they were dead," Carson said with a note of sadness himself.

"We should have helped them," Simon blurted out suddenly and all eyes were fixated on him.

John sat forward in his chair, mindful of his bad shoulder, and looked Simon in the eye, "Its unfortunate, but we can't save everybody. We barely made it out of there ourselves."

Simon continued regardless, "We could have helped them somehow. Hid them, transported them to a more secure room or-"

"No," Johns stated firmly, "If we'd had time we could have, but we didn't."

"If you hadn't got shot-"

"What has that got to do with it?"

"You wouldn't have been indisposed and we could have hel-"

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said suddenly.

She was aware that everyone was looking at her. Knowing that she and Simon had once been together and feeling uncomfortable because of it.

"It sounds as if there was nothing more that you and John could have done."

"You would say that," Simon said.

"What do you mean?" Teyla asked, interested.

John and Elizabeth shared a quick look.

Simon shook his head, "Nothing."

Teyla looked around the table, a puzzled expression on her face.

"Do we have anything else to discuss?" Elizabeth asked as she leafed through the folder in front of her.

"There's an address I'd like to check out soon," said Rodney, "From the database."

Elizabeth indicated for him to continue.

-----------------------------------------

The conference went on longer than expected and once it had ended John and Elizabeth went out to their favourite balcony for a breather.

They had both just leant against the railing when the door slid open and Simon walked out to join them.

"What's he doing here?" John whispered to Elizabeth. "Simon?" he said turning and leaning against the railing.

Elizabeth turned to Simon and crossed her arms over her chest. "That was unprofessional behaviour in the briefing." She flinched even as she said it because she knew what Simon would say.

"You're talking to me about unprofessional conduct?" he asked as he stood in front of them, "Did your boyfriend tell me he came to see me last night?"

John licked his lips and looked down at the floor guiltily.

"I've spoken to John about that," Elizabeth provided, "And he's sorry."

John turned to her, "I am?" _Like hell I am._

"_Yes_, he is."

"Elizabeth," said John leaning in to whisper to her, "He tried to-"

"I know," Elizabeth said stepping away from the balcony and raising her hands, "He tried to kiss me. I'm just sick of this…" she said with a sigh.

Simon looked guilty as hell as he said, "I am sorry that my feelings ran away with me. I crossed a well established line."

"I was in a coma," John said in a low voice. He was trying to keep his anger in check, trying to remain cool.

"I know," Simon said, "I just……." Words failed him and he ran a hand through his hair.

"Simon," Elizabeth walked over to him, "I'm happy." She turned back to John to see him looking away from them, "Can't you see that?"

John cleared his throat, "Maybe I should leave, so you two can….._talk_," he said.

He strode over to the door, expecting it to slide open for him, and was surprised when he walked straight into it. He staggered backwards, cupping his nose and cursing, and turned back to Elizabeth, "What the hell?"

Elizabeth tore her eyes away from Simon and walked over to the door.

It didn't budge.

"Control, this is Doctor Weir. We're having an issue with the balcony door leading into the control room." There was a moment of static through the earpiece and then the gate technician's voice came through.

"We've started to get reports all over the city." There was a brief pause, "The city has gone into lockdown."

John tapped his earpiece and joined the conversation, "Lockdown?"

"There doesn't appear to be a reason for it. We're working on it."

"Patch me through to Doctor Mckay," John instructed.

He walked over to the balcony and Elizabeth listened as he began to talk to Rodney.

She turned her attention back to the technician, "You're sure that there is no immediate threat? No contagion?"

"None."

"Okay, well, keep me updated."

Elizabeth glanced over at John, who was gesticulating wildly as he spoke to Rodney, and then joined Simon.

"What's going on?" he asked as he looked over her shoulder towards John.

"The city has gone into a lockdown," she stated.

"Looks like we're going to be here for a while," John shouted over to them, "Rodney says its related to the power spikes they've been having and he thinks something has shorted out…." He narrowed his eyes and then sighed, "Rodney, I know its not that simple…well, yes………but….._Rodney_." He turned his back to them and leant against the railing to continue his talks.

Elizabeth and Simon walked over to the wall and sat down beside one another.

"Should we be worried?" Simon asked as he pulled his legs up to his chest.

"If Rodney says it's nothing to worry about then I believe him," she wrapped her own arms around her legs, "We'll just have to sit and wait this one out."

"You said…that it could be a contagion?" he looked over at her and averted her eyes when she met his.

"Rodney has been investigating the problem. When we had the incident with the bugs here, the city should have detected that there was a problem and gone into lockdown. It didn't. He thought that maybe the bugs responsible were so minute that the city couldn't detect it…but he has his suspicions that there might be a bigger problem."

"Oh," Simon muttered, "Has this sort of thing happened before?"

"We had a nanovirus last year, the city closed itself off to contain the sick…" she looked over at John. He was still pacing back and forth and talking loudly, "I almost lost him then," she stated quietly.

"Lost him?"

Elizabeth took in a deep breath and then met Simon's eyes, "The only way to disable the virus was to expose it to nuclear radiation. John took a nuclear device into the atmosphere and detonated it, he saved everyone's lives, but we thought he'd been killed in the explosion." She sighed heavily.

"Sounds……" Simon fought to think for the right word, "Idiotic."

Elizabeth chuckled.

"I still don't think he's any good for you," he said reaching out and squeezing her arm affectionately, "And I say that because I really do care for you."

"Simon, he makes me happy."

"But he's reckless."

"He's not reckless. He's passionate. I remember that's why I first fell for you."

"Yeah?" Simon smiled fondly at the memory of their first meeting, "He'll die out here. You'll be left on your own."

"We've had this discussion, John and I, we're aware of the risks."

A comfortable silence settled between them and Simon finally broke it.

"I'm sorry that I tried to kiss you."

Elizabeth turned to him, "I'm not going to ask you to stay. I think you came here for the wrong reasons. I really want to give my relationship with John a fighting stance."

"You're keeping it a secret."

"Not because we want to, because we have to."

"Okay," Simon said sadly.

"I'm going to see what's going on," Elizabeth said.

She stood up slowly, and gave him another look before walking off, "You'll always be important to me Simon, but it's time to move on."

Simon looked down at his feet and didn't look up.

It was only when he heard Elizabeth and Sheppard talking did Simon look up.

Sheppard was smiling as he spoke to her, his eyes focused purely on her, his hand resting on the small of her back as he guided her over to the railing to talk.

Elizabeth was looking back at him with the same intensity. He remembered when she used to look at him like that and felt his gut twist.

He listened as their voices floated towards him.

They continued to talk in hushed tones and after a few minutes, Elizabeth touched her earpiece and began to talk, presumably, to Doctor Mckay and Sheppard came to stand beside him.

"So, it looks like we're going to be stuck here for a while," said John as he began to pace back and forth, hands hooked in his belt loop.

"I presume Doctor Mckay is working on the problem," Simon stated as he watched Sheppard's feet.

"Well, Rodney's got stuck in one of the transporters and he's claustrophobic. He's got his data pad and he can bring up the schematics on the screen in there," John continued to pace, "But yeah, he's working in it." He stretched lazily, grimacing when it pulled on his shoulder.

"If it's going to be a long wait, maybe you should sit down."

"I'm fine walking around."

Simon sighed, "You'll wear a hole in the floor."

In truth, John was feeling tired and shaky and should really be in bed resting.

After a few minutes, he didn't have the energy to be stubborn, and he sat down next to Simon, spreading his legs out and dropping his hands down into his lap, "I'm really hungry," he muttered and reflexively checked his pockets just in case he had a stray power bar. He didn't.

Silence descended between them. It was always uncomfortable and needlessly protracted.

"It looks like you've won," Simon finally said.

"What?"

"I'm leaving; you'll have Elizabeth to yourself. You've won."

John went to get up. He was tired of having this conversation with Simon.

"No, _don't_…" Simon sighed, "Sit. I didn't mean to…" he paused and shook his head, "It's over between us. I get that now."

John settled back again and turned to Simon, unsure of how to respond.

"Just make sure you don't hurt her." It was acceptance and it was strange hearing it from Simon.

"I'll never hurt her," John stated.

"She told me you went on a suicide run."

John looked over to Elizabeth. She was leaning against the railing, still talking to Rodney. "Well," John said licking his lips, "We were under attack from the wraith. It was our last chance so I took a nuclear device up to a Hive ship to deton-"

"Wait," Simon turned to him and held up a finger, "I thought it was a nanovirus?"

John closed his eyes and then said quietly, "Well, that was a ……_different_ occasion." He bit his lip, "The nanovirus was before-"

"So you went on a suicide run…..twice?" Simon asked with a disbelieving look.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"But that was before……and….." he sighed, weariness pervading his every thought process, "I did what I had to do. And it was to protect Atlantis. _Elizabeth_."

Simon retreated into himself, silence veiling them again, the sounds of the sea below their only comfort.

"If I had to do it again to save her. I would."

"You'll end up hurting her," Simon admonished.

"Everything is different here," John said crossing his legs to get into a more comfortable position, "Its dangerous here."

"Fine," Simon held his hands up, "I'm sorry. I don't understand. You both seem to have this…worked out."

"We don't have this worked out. Its trial and error, "John admitted, "But, I do care for her. You know I do so you have to know that I would never do anything to hurt her."

"You wouldn't cheat on her?" Simon asked as he picked at some stray material on his pants.

"Absolutely not."

"You wouldn't leave her, intentionally?"

"No."

"She's very special," Simon said as he glanced over at Elizabeth, "She likes to think that she's strong, but she isn't. She's fragile."

"I know what she's like."

"I mean it," Simon interrupted him, "I was with her for five years and I know how she thinks. She's a born worrier."

"I'm not going to hurt her Simon."

"Because if you do…I'll be straight back here." Simon knew it sounded ridiculous, but he wanted the threat to be there. He needed Sheppard to understand.

John looked over at Elizabeth and then turned to Simon, keeping his voice low and even, "I love her Simon…and I've never loved anyone."

"Have you told her that?"

"Not in so many words."

Simon looked down at the floor, his eyes unwillingly straying back towards Elizabeth, "Just make her happy."

"I will."

"Good."

"Great."

The wind was picking up, there was a chill in the air and John looked up to the horizon, "Damn."

"What?" Simon asked hugging himself to keep warm.

"See that?"

Simon could see the rolling black cloud that seemed to be getting closer, "Rain."

"Rain," John repeated.

"I hate rain," Simon muttered and he looked up to see that they had little cover.

"If I get so much as a cold, Carson is going to kill me."

"Well, you shouldn't be up and about. You should be resting."

John sighed and shot Simon an irritated look, "I would have been if I wasn't trapped here."

"Well, you certainly shouldn't have been in that briefing."

"It was Intel I needed to know," John defended tucking his hands under his armpits.

"You lost a lot of blood, your muscles are still weak from the coma-"

"I felt fine this morning," John said even as he felt his eyelids dropping closed. A gust of icy wind had him snapping them back open, "Could you just not nag me for one minute?"

"I'm not nagging."

"Yeah, right," John muttered under his breath.

John watched as Elizabeth turned, shot him a smile and then returned to her talks, her mouth moving and tinged with a wry grin.

"What are you going to do when you return to earth?" John asked. He hated the silence and felt the need to fill it. There was a strange tension between them that even Simon accepting their relationship could not break down.

"Return to the Hospital, continue my residency there. They gave me the option to return."

"And Sedge…was it?"

"Get him back off my brother. Find myself somewhere to live," he shrugged, "I'll figure something out."

"I'm sure you will," John said at a loss for anything else to say.

"What's going to happen here?" Simon asked apprehensively.

"We're still at war with the wraith. I'm still searching for Ford. Life will go on."

"And still be dangerous."

"And still be dangerous."

"Don't you ever get tired of this?" Simon asked wearily, "I've only been here a few months and that one trip off-world was enough to scare the hell out of me."

"I'm used to this," said John.

"Was that off-world trip…standard?"

"Pretty much." It was Johns turn to shrug, "You get surprisingly used to it."

Elizabeth finally deactivated her radio and came to sit opposite the two men, pulling her legs up to her chest, "Rodney says he'll get in contact when he knows more."

"He still panicking?" John asked with a grin curving his lips.

"He's in a wide open field," Elizabeth said mirroring his smile, "He's got Zelenka helping out."

"So, still stuck." Simon stated.

"Yes and…" Elizabeth said hooking a thumb behind her, "It looks like its going to rain."

"Should have worn my jacket," said John, noting that both she and Simon were wearing theres.

"You shouldn't even be out here. You should be in bed resting." Elizabeth remarked.

John rolled his eyes and smiled, "I know."

----------------------------------

Two and half hours had passed and the rain cloud had got much closer, the weather had turned for the worst, the wind had picked up and the air was chilly.

Their conversations had been forced, disjointed and uncomfortable.

"Eye spy with my little eye, something beginning with W," John stated as he rubbed his forearms.

"Water," Elizabeth and Simon said simultaneously.

"Surely Rodney should have figured this out by now?"

"He's wo-"

"Working on it," John said with a nod, "I know. I just wish I hadn't skipped breakfast."

"You skipped breakfast?" Simon said with an incredulous tone.

"I was preoccupied this morning," John said as he flashed Elizabeth a look.

She flushed red and looked down at the floor and John noticed that Simon didn't miss their looks. If he could have, Simon would have probably vomited there and then.

There was a rumble above them and the sky flashed white.

"Okay," said John, "Here it-" He didn't finish the sentence because the skies opened and the rain began to fall.

They all scrambled to their feet and pressed themselves up against the wall as the rain fell in sheets.

"Okay," John shouted over the rain, "Rodney had better hurry up."

Elizabeth's hair was beginning to get plastered to her forehead as the rain fell at them sideways. She felt a warm arm fall around her shoulder and John pulled her close.

"Well, I don't think things could get any worse," Simon shouted.

"Tell me you didn't say that?" Elizabeth remarked.

"What?" Simon shouted back.

"We don't ever say that!" John informed him, "Bad luck."

"How could we have more bad luck?"

John was about to respond when he heard his earpiece crackle and Rodney's voice came across the airwaves. "Tell me you've got this figured out? I'm freezing my ass off out here."

Elizabeth and Simon shared looks as John continued to talk, the other half of the conversation unheard to them.

"Okay, okay. Keep us in the loop," he switched off his radio, "He's going to reboot the city."

"What?" Elizabeth asked as she licked the rain off her lips.

A crack of thunder above them forced them all to look up.

"He's going to get someone to take the ZPM out and then put it back in. Like restarting windows." He shrugged.

"That sounds ridiculously easy," Simon shouted as the sky flashed.

"It sounds simple but I'm sure there's more to it. If Rodney is successful we'll find out." Elizabeth said pushing herself closer to John in a bid to get some more warmth.

-------------------------------------------------  
Steven Caldwell climbed the steps to the gate room just as the balcony doors slid open and three bedraggled figures stepped into the warmth.

"Sir," John exclaimed as he wiped rain off the tip of his nose.

"I beamed directly into the gate room when Doctor Mckay informed me that you were having some problems, but it would seem he's managed to fix it." Caldwell explained.

"I'm going to go and grab a hot shower and a change of clothes," Elizabeth said as rain water dripped onto the floor.

"I second that," John stated.

Simon merely nodded whilst shaking out his clothes.

"Colonel Sheppard, could I have a brief word first?" Caldwell asked in an official tone.

John shared a look with Elizabeth and then stepped forward, "Sure."

"You can talk in my office," Elizabeth suggested.

"Thank you," said Caldwell, "You can brief me with what's being going on in here when you return dry."

As John followed Caldwell into Elizabeth's office and the door was closed behind him, he was beginning to worry that he knew about his relationship with Elizabeth.

He stood stiffly, hands behind his back, still shivering from the cold. His shoulder was aching intermittently.

"You can relax," Caldwell stated as he sat on the edge of Elizabeth's desk.

John did so, crossing his arms over his wet chest.

Caldwell fished into his jacket pocket and produced a white envelope.

"We received this just before we left for Atlantis."

He passed it to John, stood up, and then patted him on the back, "You have my condolences." He left the office and John opened the envelope.

He read it quickly, his eyes greedily taking in every word, and when he had gleamed the nature of the letter. He read it again.

His father had died.

He felt unexpectedly dizzy, his heart was racing and his hands had become sweaty.

He reached out for the chair in front of him, his fingers brushed it lightly and before he could stop himself he fell to the floor and was engulfed in darkness.

_TBC_

_This story is very twisty and all loose ends will be tied up…………..so…..John's going back to Earth :D_


	26. Chapter 26

When John regained consciousness he was still on the floor of Elizabeth's office, only Caldwell and Carson were hovering over his prone form and there were people standing around the control area gawking at him.

He blinked, rubbed his face and then tried to sit up, but Carson pressed a hand onto his shoulder to keep in place, "Stay where you are," he said in a soothing voice.

With the dizziness rescinded, he now felt like a complete idiot and extricated Carson's hand to sit up.

"Easy," Carson said.

"What happened?" John asked as he blinked away the fuzziness in his head.

"You collapsed," Caldwell informed him from the doorframe.

"Aye," Carson agreed.

He was still soaking wet and shivering and bought a hand up to wipe the rainwater from his hair, "I'm feeling much better," he said in an attempt to deflect their concern. He suddenly realised he still had the letter in his hand.

"Well, we'll get you to the infirmary and get you checked over just to be sure."

"I feel fine," said John. He stubbornly pushed himself to his feet and then staggered over to a chair to sit, shoving the letter deep into his pocket.

"I didn't have breakfast and I was out in the rain……." He smiled weakly and rested his head against his hand.

"You passed out Colonel," Carson admonished, "You're _going_ to the infirmary."

"Look," John said, forcing composure into his voice "Let me go to my quarters and rest. I really don't want to go to the infirmary right now." He met Carson's eyes, but the look the Doctor was giving him, was telling him that he wasn't going to get off that easily.

"Colonel."

"Carson."

"You should go to the infirmary," Caldwell stated. He turned and waved away the personnel who were still standing around and trying to see what was going on.

"I'm fine," John repeated sullenly.

"Okay," Carson said raising his hands and sighing heavily, "Make sure you get some food in you and get some rest. I'll check on you later."

"Yeah…great," John said distractedly.

"Colonel?" Caldwell stepped forward.

John met his eyes and pulled his hand out of his pocket and away from the letter, "I'm okay." He muttered before barging past the two men and striding out of the control room.

---------------------------------

John entered his room, stripped off and went directly to the shower. He palmed it open, adjusted the water and stepped under the spray in a bid to clear his mind.

He leant against the wall; his head dropped between his spread arms, and let the water wash over him; warming him, easing aching muscles, irking out tension, and washing away the thoughts that were circling his brain and giving him a headache.

He brought his head up, opened his mouth, allowed the water to fill it and then let it dribble down his chin.

His father was dead.

"Shit," he muttered as he stood under the water.

He didn't know how to react to the news about his father. It had been unexpected. With everything that had been going on with Simon, this was the last thing that he needed.

He had always had a difficult relationship with his father, followed his footsteps into the military, and always tried to appease him; be the good son. It incidentally, had never worked, and when he had received his black mark, his father had finally disowned him.

He hadn't even known that his father was ill.

The water continued to pummel him, slicking down his torso, and spattering to the bottom of the cubicle in a rain of suds.

He sighed and leant back against the wall, the water trailing down his face, dripping off his chin, and bouncing off his toes.

He felt bone tired.

He pulled his hand into a fist and hit it back against the wall. The momentary pain giving him a welcome distraction from where his thoughts were carrying him.

"John?"

The voice made him snap his eyes open, and Elizabeth was standing outside the open cubicle. Her hair was still wet and she'd changed into jeans and a red top.

John palmed off the shower, reached for the towel that she handed him, and then stepped out. With the towel around his waist, he followed her into the bedroom and sat down on his bed with a weary sigh.

"I heard what happened?" she said wiping a drop of water off his nose.

"Yeah, I fainted," he said laughing dryly and reached up to run a hand through his hair.

He had the same messy hair his father had had when he was his age. Untameable, messy, difficult; just like the relationship he had had with his father.

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked.

John reached for his pants, retrieved the rumpled letter and passed it to her with shaking fingers.

She gave him a confused look.

"Just read it," he said getting up to pull on his t-shirt and sweats.

After a few minutes of silence, Elizabeth dropped her hands into her lap, and looked up to where John was leaning on his desk and looking down at the floor.

"John, I'm so sorry."

He didn't react, merely continued to look at the apparently fascinating floor.

"At least, he went peacefully," she added in a bid to be of comfort.

John was looking utterly vulnerable, his eyes sad and downcast, his lips curved downwards into a frown.

"Are you….okay?" Elizabeth asked.

When they had once talked about family, she had learnt that he didn't get on with his father and he had never taken the conversation much beyond that. They obviously had a much more complex relationship than she could ever understand.

John sighed and rubbed his eyes.

Elizabeth couldn't tell how he was feeling. She didn't know if he would cry. If he would be angry. It surprised her sometimes, how little she knew of a man, she felt so strongly for.

"John?"

"I'm fine," he said still covering his eyes.

Elizabeth got up slowly and approached him with an edge of hesitance.

"We didn't get on," he said, his mouth twisting into an expression of anguish, "Bastard didn't even tell me he was sick."

"John," she said and finally connected with his arm. She noticed how he was shivering, despite having just come out of a scolding hot shower.

"I'm okay," he said, still covering his face.

"I don't think you are."

She pulled him into a hug and he finally dropped his hand, resting his chin on her shoulder and pulling her in tightly. She felt his body heave a sigh.

"You have to go back," Elizabeth said as she stroked his back.

"I don't need to," he said. His voice was thick with strained emotion. She heard him sniff.

"You read the letter. He died a month ago, they had him cremated and-"

"They're waiting for you to come back so they can have an official service," Elizabeth added in a softly spoken voice.

They were both silent. John still holding onto her for dear life; her just simply holding him.

"If you want, I could go with you?"

John sniffed again and she felt his body judder.

"So you can say goodbye."

"I said goodbye years ago," he said.

"John," she said and finally pulled back.

She was surprised to see that his face was streaked with silently fallen tears. She bought her thumb up to wipe them away and kissed him on the lips.

She went to pull back, but a hand to her back had him pulling her close again for amore passionate kiss, desperate, hungry, probing, and intense.

She was breathless when he pulled back.

She had never seen him upset before and she guessed that it was a testament to how close they had become. He was able to let down his defences, even if he had first tried to hide the fact that he was upset, and she found him even more loveable.

He kissed her again, moving her towards the bed, and pulling up her top to grasp at bare skin.

"John," she said, as he kissed her neck.

"John."

He continued to kiss her, breathing heavily, his wet hair tickling her neck.

"John?"

He stopped and looked into her eyes, holding her face in his hands, lips trembling, "It's okay to be upset."

He bit his bottom lip and then went to kiss her again.

"I know what you're trying to do," she said in realisation that his vain efforts to connect to her were hiding a deeper inconsolable need to feel close to someone.

He dropped his hands and sat down on the bed, putting his head in his hands.

"We'll go back," Elizabeth said sitting beside him.

"I didn't think…I'd feel like this," he muttered as he bobbed his knees.

"Hey, you've got me," Elizabeth soothed.

John leant over and rested his head on her knees. She stroked his hair and for the first time in their long professional and personal relationship, she heard John Sheppard cry.

---------------------------------------

It was around eight, when Elizabeth woke up on John's bed. He was lying beside her, his arm draped around her waist, his legs interlinked with hers.

She attempted to move, but realised she was completely entangled in his grasp.

As she prised his arm from off her stomach, he stirred, and blinked blearily, "You going?"

"No, I was going to get some food. I haven't eaten much today and as I recall, you haven't eaten anything."

"Right," he said removing his leg from its vice like grip around hers.

She got up slowly, running a hand through her hair to tame the curls, and was about to get up when John gripped her hand.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he muttered embarrassedly.

"John, there's no need to apologise."

"I don't usually…..well… I never…" he licked his lips and fought to think coherently, "I don't……." he sighed, "I don't…cry," he mumbled.

"Your father died, John." She said and gave his hand a tentative squeeze, "And, it's me you're talking to."

"Me and my dad, like I told you, we never got on….but," he sat up and crossed his legs, "…I thought we had more time. That maybe we could…salvage something," he shrugged and looked away, "I'm an idiot."

Elizabeth slapped his hand good-naturedly. "You're not an idiot."

"I shouldn't have assumed that I'd have time to…" he sighed again. He was finding it difficult to articulate exactly what he was trying to say.

"I know what you're trying to say."

"He was the last of my family."

"I know."

"Damn it!" he cursed and hooked his legs over the edge of the bed.

"If he hadn't just…slammed that damn door in my face. If he'd just let me talk to him."

He stood up and started to walk as he vented, "I thought he'd be proud of me." He said bringing his hands up and clenching them, "I saved men that day. I brought them home, alive…but all he cared about was that black mark."

He kicked one of his boots, "Just because he was a respected cold war 'hero'" he said in quotation marks, "I was supposed to be this saint. It doesn't work like that. You have to…."

"Sometimes people get locked into a decision and you see things a little differently, " Elizabeth quoted John.

He met her eyes and remembered saying those words to her after he had disobeyed one of her orders when they had been infiltrated by the nano virus.

"I looked up to him. He let me down. I let _him_ down. Don't know why I'm so worked up about it." He stopped in the centre of the room and put his hands on his hips.

"Because he was family."

He nodded thoughtfully, "Yeah."

"So, are you going to go back?"

John rubbed his chin, momentarily distracted by day old stubble, and then answered in an even voice, "Yeah."

Elizabeth smiled, "I think you've made the right decision."

"And with me?"

"Of course." She stood up and searched for her shoes, "Sandwich? Pudding?"

"Both," John said with a cheeky grin.

Elizabeth headed for the door.

"Elizabeth?"

"Yeah John?" she said as she palmed the door open.

He met her eyes, shook his head and then chickened out, "Turkey sandwich."

She smiled, eyes creasing genuinely and headed out.

When the door had closed and John was left on his own, he said, "I love you." He chuckled, "John Sheppard, you're a coward."

A knock at the door had him jogging across the room, expecting Elizabeth, he smiled and as the door opened he said, "I love you."

"Well, that's all very well, but I only came here to see how you were doing and not for a relationship." Rodney barged into the room and sat down on the bed.

John cringed and turned slowly to face Rodney, "What do you want?"

"Carson asked me to come check on you."

"It's midnight."

"Okay, he asked me a few.._long_ hours ago but I was busy. Hey, it's the thought that counts. So, how are you feeling?"

"Fine," John said.

"Fine," Rodney repeated, "Right, okay."

"Uh, about what I just said….."

Rodney suddenly looked awkward and he held up his hands. "Don't want to know. I'll take it as a compliment."

"I'm…uh….going to be going back to earth for a while. Got some things to take care of."

"Really?" Rodney visibly deflated, "Oh no, who's going to be leading the team? We have a _diminished_ number as it is."

"I haven't thought about that yet," John admitted.

"Why are you going back?" Rodney asked as he absent-mindedly picked up John's copy of War and Peace and started to leaf through it.

"Like I said…some _stuff_."

"Like?" Rodney said motioning his hand to get John to tell all.

"My dad died," John blurted out and swallowed the painful lump in his throat. It infuriated him that he should feel so lost every time he uttered those words.

"Oh," Rodney dropped the book and his eyes went wide, "I'm…sorry."

John shrugged, "When you're numbers up."

"Yeah but," Rodney swallowed thickly, "Are you…you know…..okay?"

"I'm okay," John said, avoiding his eyes.

"Okay," Rodney said. "You know, I'm not good at comforting people so…"  
John raised his eyebrows, "I know, that's fine. I don't expect a hug or anything."

"Oh, good," said Rodney standing stiffly. "Good, because you know…I'm rubbish at…" he cleared his throat, walked over to John and awkwardly patted him on the back.

John appreciated the strange sentiment.

"Now, I'm going to get to my lab." He cleared his throat again, "I'll see you later."

-------------------------------------------------------

When someone knocked again five minutes later, John was about ready to throttle somebody. He didn't know why there seemed to be a hive of activity at his room tonight. Had somebody given out party invitations without his knowledge?

He opened the door and was surprised to find Simon standing outside his door.

He shoved some painkillers into John's hands, "For your shoulder."

John looked down at them with a confused expression, "Uh, thanks."

"Look," said Simon shuffling from one foot to another, "How are you feeling?"

John rolled his eyes and said for the fifty millionth time in so many hours, "I'm fine."

"Good."

"You were just checking on me?"

"Carson."

"Ah..he sent Rodney too."

"He thought maybe he had forgotten," Simon said bobbing his head.

"Right." They stood in front of one another, neither one talking.

"My father died," John blurted out before he could stop himself.

Simon knitted his eyebrows together and his forehead creased, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry," John said with a put upon sigh, "I just….I don't know why I told you."

"Well, if there's anything I can do."

"No," John said, "I don't know why I….." he rubbed his face, "I'm tired, my brain is fried and-"

"Hey," Simon said, "Look I came to tell you that……I'm still leaving and what I said earlier on the balcony stands." He held his hand out.

John hesitantly shook it, "I have to admit I'm surprised."

"I still think Elizabeth is making a…poor…..choice, but, I've learnt a lot over the past few weeks and……as long as you don't hurt her, I wont come banging down your door."

"I won't." John smiled, "Thanks. I think."

Simon nodded, "Well, you should get some rest and I'm sorry about your father."

-----------------------------------------

Half an hour later Elizabeth returned to find John sitting up in bed and flicking through War and Peace.

"Food?" he said looking up with a grin.

Elizabeth placed a tray of various foods onto the bed and sat down, "War and Peace."

"I wasn't reading it," he said throwing to the floor with a loud thud.

"Mmm, I bet you weren't," she said.

He reached out for one sandwiches, "So, are you ready to see where I grew up?"

"Absolutely."

"I haven't been to…..dad's house in a while. He probably threw out all my old stuff and photos."

He stopped abruptly and swallowed.

"John," Elizabeth stilled his hand, "Its going to be okay."

He met her eyes, brushed away a stray curl and tucked it behind her ear and said, "I hope so."

TBC

Next chappy they're back on earth…much cuteness, angst etc will ensue.


	27. Chapter 27

The windows were open, cool air flowing through the car as John drove. He had been driving for three hours with the scenery passing by in a blur. He turned the radio on and flicked through the channels, sighing, as each radio station was worse than the one before.

"These kids and their rap," he muttered as he pressed the buttons. _I sound like an old man!_

Elizabeth stirred beside him, yawning, and stretching out in the passenger seat, "Hey," she said before her eyes were even open.

John switched off the radio and gave her a pat on the leg, "Good sleep?"

"Hmm," she said rubbing her eyes, "How much farther?"

"An hour," he said rolling his aching shoulder. Although, it had all but healed, he was still in a bit of pain. The damaged nerves protesting the tension in his arm from driving.

"I'm hungry," Elizabeth said in a tired voice. She stretched again and John was distracted by the bare flesh she exposed on her stomach.

"Me too," said John as he drove down the interstate. He checked his mirror and sighed; the guy behind him had been tail-gating him the entire journey. He depressed the pedal to speed up.

"I _hate_ driving," he muttered under his breath.

The car behind him undertook him and John held his middle finger out the window as the car passed.

"John!" Elizabeth scolded him with a laugh.

"I miss flying. You don't get….cars in the sky."

"Surprisingly…no," Elizabeth said.

"So, you wanna eat?" he asked as he changed lanes, cursing when someone cut him up.

"Sure."

"Ah, well, you can always count on one thing," John muttered as a big yellow 'M' came into view.

----------------------

"Welcome to the MacDonald's drive-thru, I'm Sandy and I'll be taking your order. What can I get you?"

John leaned out of the window and without thinking said, "This is Sheppard." He cringed and put a hand up to his face. He wasn't on Atlantis.

"Can we get a cheeseburger, a big Mac, two large fries, a coffee and a large coke."

"Will that be all?"

John licked his lips, wondering whether to say what was on his mind, and then did it anyway, "Yeah, can I get a kids happy meal?"

Elizabeth shot him a confused look and mouthed to him 'what?'

John held his hand up and waited for Sandy to get back to him.

"Would you like the boys or the girls?"

"Boys," John snorted as if it was obvious.

"Okay, you're total is eight dollars and fifty five cense. You can pick it up at the window."

"Thank you Sandy," he said as he started to roll the car forwards.

"John?"

"What?" he asked as they neared the window.

"You might have noticed, but, we don't have a child."

John shrugged, "I know."

"So, why are you getting the happy meal?"

"Did you see the toy? It's a chopper."

"You are such a kid," Elizabeth chided.

"Hey, it's cool," defended.

-----------------------------

"This is lame," John said as he twirled the rotor on his helicopter.

Elizabeth was gathering their rubbish and still slurping on her coffee, "What did you expect? It's for a kid."

John shot her a surprised look and then returned his gaze back to the toy, "They could at least get the details right. I mean, the rotors are out of proportion; this thing would not fly. The cabin is too high and look at this…" he said showing her the little cockpit, "Where in the hell are the controls?" He quirked his eyebrows and then placed it on the dash of the car.

"Don't make things like they used to."

Elizabeth chuckled, "I've missed MacDonald's."

John took a large sip of his coke and nodded, "Doesn't compare to the commissary food." He eyed the little toy chopper and felt his disappointment pique again. Crappy, plastic toy.

"The food on Atlantis is probably a little healthier."

"Who cares about health?" John asked with a smile, "Grease is good."

Elizabeth inhaled the scent of her coffee as John examined the box that the happy meal had come in. There was a picture of Ronald MacDonald on the side. _Clown. I hate clowns._

"So, we're close to your dad's place now huh?"

John dropped the offending box and nodded thoughtfully, "Not much longer. You wanna drive?"

"I suppose."

"Because this road rage thing is as bad for me as that burger I just ate."

----------------------------------

When they arrived at the house it was past seven, they both retrieved their bags and approached the front door with an air of trepidation.

John stretched up and felt around the top of the doorframe until he felt the familiar key his dad had always kept there, and that he had always told him it was a stupid thing to do.

_Why don't you just leave the door open for the burglar's dad?_

His dad had always argued that he could take anyone out. Years of military training had afforded him that much.

When the key was in the lock, he didn't twist it, merely stood silently, breathing in and out to steady himself.

"Are you okay?" Elizabeth asked as she watched him close his eyes.

There was a brief pause.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said unlocking the door.

They pushed it open and stepped inside.

"Home sweet home," John said as he dropped his bag onto the sofa.

Elizabeth scanned the room. There was a large sitting area that lead through to a kitchen and stairs leading to the bedrooms, which intersected the two rooms.

"It's lovely," Elizabeth said with a wry smile.

John walked through to the kitchen, running his fingers along the surfaces and stopping in the centre of the room.

His picture had gone from the fridge. For years his father had had him in his USAF uniform and saluting on the fridge and now………._gone_. He felt unexpectedly emotional. He had gotten used to this house being devoid of a mother figure, but now it was just plain void.

If he listened hard enough he could still hear his father's voice and see his over-bearing countenance.

"This is a nice house," Elizabeth said as she joined him in the kitchen.

"Yeah, it is," he said leaning against one of the units, "I'll have to get it up on the market though, sell it before I leave again."

He walked over to the back door and opened it. The garden was large, grass sprawling wildly in a neatly contained fenced off area. His old swing set was still at the far end.

"Guess nobodies mowed the lawn in a while," he stated as he closed the door, "Hey, you wanna see my old room?"

He lead her up the stairs, hearing the old creaks in the wooden boards, that stirred up memories of creeping down as a kid to watch television late at night or to sneak snacks from the fridge.

"We moved around a bit, but this is where we finally settled," he said as he reached the landing, "Probably still got my old posters on the wall and-" he pushed open the door and his words escaped him in a strangled exhalation.

His room was completely bare. The walls were devoid of posters, the bookshelves were naked and even the old plane models were gone from the ceiling. The string they had been hanging from, dangling loosely.

Elizabeth pressed a hand up to her mouth as she looked around the room.

"I guess he must have stored it all away," John said as he entered the room and circled the empty space.

He fingered some of the old blue tac on the wall and sighed.

"Maybe…" Elizabeth fought for an explanation, but she came up empty. It was obvious what had happened.

"It was all here last time I came down." He pointed at the wall, "I had another Johnny Cash poster here," he said pointing at the wall, "And these really cool old models hanging from here," he stated as he yanked down the piece of string that was hanging uselessly.

"This doesn't mean anything," Elizabeth said as she watched his face drop.

"Yeah, I mean…I moved out a long time ago," he said forcing a smile, "Maybe he put it up in the attic."

He pushed passed her and went back onto the landing, pulling the chord for the attic stairs and unfolding them quickly, "He probably put them away….stored them in boxes for me to get at some point."

He started up the ladder and poked is head up into the old dusty space of the attic, "I don't really need any of that stuff anyway," she heard him say.

He disappeared into the attic and there was the sound of boxes being moved, things dropping to the floor and finally he re-emerged red faced and angry. He descended the ladder, slammed it back up and cursed.

"It's all gone," he said with a hint of disbelief, "All of it. Gone."

"I'm sorry John." Elizabeth reached out for his arm and he pulled away.

"How did he just….." he paused, "my photo's gone from the fridge. Me in my Air Force uniform. He took it down." His eyes suddenly went wide, "Crap."

Before she could ask what was wrong, he raced down the stairs and as she followed she saw him open the door in the kitchen that lead through to the garage.

She had just walked into the garage when she heard him mutter a sigh of relief.

"It's still here," he said as he pulled the cover off a motorbike.

"Is that yours?" Elizabeth asked. She was seeing a completely new side to him and yet it didn't surprise her that he was in possession of such a toy.

"Yeah," he said running a hand along the leather seat, "See, he couldn't bring himself to get rid of this." He straddled it and smiled. His eyes instantly lighting up, "He hated this thing. Said I'd get myself killed on it. I can't believe he kept it."

"It looks…expensive," Elizabeth said as she walked over to him and admired it.

"It was," he said as he held the handlebars.

"Maybe he just had a clear out. Maybe it wasn't personal."

John raised his eyebrows, "I don't know."

"What happened between you two?"

John looked uncomfortable, a range of conflicting emotions crossing his face, "I came to see him after my court martial. We exchanged words, he told me to leave, slammed the door in my face…" he looked up at her, "The usual."

"It doesn't sound like the usual."

"Dad knew a lot of people in the Air Force. He felt I embarrassed him. Can't blame him really."

He got off the bike.

"I always promised myself that if I got back from Atlantis…alive," he said with a wry grin, "That I would come speak to him. I never did. Figured he'd still be pissed."

"Instead you came to me."

"Instead I went and saw you," he reached out for her hand and gave it a kiss, "I just wish I could take back some of that time…you know? Talk to him again, tell him what I was doing now, that it was more important that he could have imagined…tell him that if I hadn't got that black mark, I wouldn't be Commanding Officer of Atlantis and…..I wouldn't have met you."

"He wanted me to settle down. Meet a girl that mom would have been proud of. Guess I'll never know what he would have thought about that."

"I'm sure he would be proud of you now," Elizabeth said.

He nodded, "Yeah." He clapped his hands together, "So, how about you and I go and find a bar, have a few beers or _wine_ and just unwind. I can't sort any of this out till tomorrow anyway."

"You know somewhere?"

----------------------------

The bar was heaving and John and Elizabeth weaved their way through the crowds and over to the bar where there were, conveniently, two stools available.

They perched up and John ordered them two beers and two shots of tequila.

John was surprised when Elizabeth did the tequila shot in one go, licking the salt and biting into her lemon with a big grin. She wiped her mouth and slammed the glass back down.

"Well, Doctor Weir. Who knew that you were a dark horse," John said as he downed his.

"There's a lot you don't know about me John," she said.

"You know, this is great," John said as he had a swig of his beer, "No judging, and no superiors-"

"Aside from the fact that _I'm_ your boss," she said wrapping her fingers around her beer.

"Oh yes, _that_," he said smiling.

"I hope Lorne is coping."

"I hope Caldwell hasn't changed too much."

They exchanged glances and promptly laughed.

"Let's forget about the A word." John said raising his beer. "I say we get drunk."

"John."

"Oh come on. No responsibilities, just you, me, and drink. It'll be great."

"And I'm sure the hangover tomorrow will be just as fantastic."

"There's the spirit," said John.

Elizabeth smiled and pushed her hair behind her ears. John had never seen this side to her. She was wearing a skirt of all things, with high boots and a tasteful white top that showed just enough of everything. Her make up was dark and smoky and John felt privileged just to see her this way.

Here, she wasn't Doctor Elizabeth Weir of the Atlantis Expedition. Here she was Elizabeth. His girlfriend.

"Bartender," Elizabeth said as she turned on her stool, "Line them up."

They each took a golden shot and held it up to clink them together, "To dad," John said sadly.

"To your father," Elizabeth said and they both downed them.

Elizabeth watched John from the corner of her eye. He looked more relaxed, especially now he was out of the house. He was dressed down in jeans and a black shirt, unbuttoned to show a few chest hairs. His hair was even more messed up than usual and as he became slowly inebriated his eyes appeared softer, the lines around his mouth smoothed out and the burden and the worry she often saw in his eyes; gone.

Here, he wasn't Lt Colonel John Sheppard of the Atlantis Expedition. He was John. Her boyfriend.

God, that made her giggle just thinking of him like that. In fact, right now, everything was making her giggle she realised as she felt remarkably tipsy.

-----------------------

They were laughing as John fumbled to get the door key into the lock. He was stooped over, his eye up to the lock as he tried to thread it in.

"Got it…got it….got it…" he repeated.

Finally, he got it in and then twisted the door, his full weight pushing it open, and he stumbled to the floor.

"Oops," he laughed as he lay on his back on the floor.

"Get up," Elizabeth said as she grabbed his hands.

"I'm fine," he slurred and got up slowly. His hands reaching out to steady himself.

"I had a _really_ good night," Elizabeth said as she went to close the door.

"Hang on," John said raising a finger.

He stumbled back over to the door, reached outside and retrieved the traffic cone he had insisted on bringing back with him. He kicked the door shut with his foot and placed the cone on the couch.

"The new member of the family. I will call him Coney!" John proffessed.

Elizabeth laughed, clutching her stomach as some part of her brain realised how inhibited she felt. Free. Happy.

"Well, Coney? Did you have a good night?" John asked as he sat next to it and slung is arm around it.

"He doesn't seem very talkative," Elizabeth observed with a laugh.

"No, Coney has had too much to drink." John closed his eyes drunkenly and smiled, "I needed that tonight."

"Drink?"

"Freedom," he said as he sat up.

The room was spinning, he'd indulged way too much and yet he felt great.

"I'm going to get another drink," he said with a smile. He got up slowly, swaying momentarily, and then disappeared into the kitchen.

He had been gone for quite a while when Elizabeth decided to go find him. She left the television on for Coney and found the fridge and the back door open.

"John?" she called out, using the units for balance.

She looked outside and found John lying in the grass, legs spread out, arms extended out and he was just staring up at the sky, his beer resting on his stomach.

"John," she said as she knelt beside him.

"Can you believe……." He slurred, "That we were up there. Up there."

"I miss it."

"Pega…pegs….pega…sus…" he enunciated, "I can hear Rodney whining from here."

Elizabeth got up and walked over to the swing set. She took a glance over her shoulder to see John still lying on the floor and then sat down on the swing and started to rock back and forth.

The sky was clear, stars flickering, the smell of the grass was over powering (as well as the smell of smoke and alcohol on herself) and the only sound she could hear was the squeak of the swing and John's light hearted chucking from the grass.

There were no reports to write, no crisis's to attend to, no personnel bothering her when she was trying to sleep, eat or shower. No wraith bearing down on them. No John disappearing on her or coming through the gate with scratches and cuts. No power surges, no viruses, no military insurgents. Nothing. Just peace.

Elizabeth Weir on Atlantis was stoic, controlled, professional and diplomatic. Everything she did influenced the staff, everything she said had a profound effect. She was there for guidance, a person to trust, a force _not_ to be reckoned with.

This Elizabeth Weir on earth, was free, uninhibited, spontaneous, rebellious, in love and drunk.

She was brought out of her reverie by John lurching to his feet, swaying, and pitching towards her with his beer cradled against his chest.

"You want me to push you?" he said in a barely coherent voice. His pupils were wide and unfocused, his hands uncoordinated.

She reached forward, grabbed him by the chin and gave him a kiss.

When she pulled back he stared into her eyes and smiled like a dope, "Push?"

She leant back and griped the swing ropes, "Go for it."

TBC

They're going to feel that tomorrow. PLEASE REVIEW.


	28. Chapter 28

Light was flooding the guest room, hurting her brain, giving new fuel to the headache that resided there. Elizabeth rolled over, tugged the covers up and clutched her nauseous stomach. She opened her eyes tentatively, the room tilting slightly, and rolled her head over to the left to where John was lying sprawled out over the covers, in his boxers and clutching last nights beer like a safety blanket. She smiled and reached over to run a hand along his cheek.

He shifted slightly, groaned, and then opened his eyes.

"Ugh," he muttered looking as bad as she felt.

"Yeah," Elizabeth rasped. She didn't want to move if necessary, knowing if she did she might succumb to the sickness she felt in her gut.

John looked at the bottle he was holding in his hand and put it on the side table with a disgusted expression.

"My head," he groaned as he clutched it in his hands.

"My stomach," Elizabeth said in the same miserable tone.

"It feels like someone is using a hammer on my…..brain," he croaked out.

"Tell me about it," Elizabeth said managing a weak smile.

"I feel like crap."

"Me too."

"Why did we drink so much?" his muffled voice asked from the pillow.

"_Because_ you suggested it," Elizabeth said in a low voice.

"Ugh."

The clock in the room ticked loudly, even the birds outside were tweeting at an intolerable level.

"Do those birds have to be so loud?" John asked in a pathetic voice.

"Mmmm."

"Ugh," John repeated as he raised his head and blinked through blood shot eyes, "Good night though."

"Yeah, I'm thinking that going on that swing wasn't such a good idea," Elizabeth massaged her stomach.

"Yeah," John said thoughtfully, "We nearly got you to go straight over the top though didn't we?"

"Nearly."

"I don't think anyone's actually ever done that though," he said as he pushed himself up slowly.

He sat upright in a series of stages, stopping at intervals to hold his stomach or bemoan his pounding headache. When he was finally up, he gradually got off the bed and staggered into a standing position.

"I think…I saw some coffee down there." He pointed in the vague direction of the kitchen while rubbing his eyes.

"I could use some," Elizabeth said as she rolled over and pulled the covers over her head.

John nodded, regretted the movement, and made his way downstairs using the hand rail as balance. He grimaced with each creaking step until he was in the living room. He spotted the traffic cone on the sofa and raised his eyebrows.

"_What_ the hell?" he muttered as he walked over to it and stared at it with his hands on his hips.

_Coney?_

He chuckled as he walked into the kitchen and set about making some coffee. The cupboards were bare and there was no milk but he figured they could drink it black. He looked into the freezer and found some ice cream that hadn't been opened and closed it with a sigh. They'd have to go shopping lest they starve to death.

He was just pouring the coffee when a sound behind him disturbed him. He jumped, turned on his heel, hand reflexively going to his nonexistent calf holster and uttered an expletive when he saw who was standing there.

"Sara?"" he said drawing his eyebrows together. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was only wearing his boxer shorts.

Sarah, his cousin, looked him up and down with an equally shocked expression, "Who the hell are you and why are you-," Recognition dawned until she said incredulously, "…………….._John_?"

"Hi," he said with a weak smile and put down the spatula he had picked up as a weapon.

"What were you going to do? Flip me to death?" she said in a sardonic tone.

"_You_ scared me," John said with a sigh.

Silence settled between them.

"What are you-" she paused and looked him up and down.

John started uncomfortably, "I haven't seen you in-"

She walked over to him and hit him on the arm, "_Nine_ years," she exclaimed with a big smile, "I can't believe you're here and how different you look. _Older_. When in the hell did you get back?" she said as she ruffled his hair.

He hated it when she did that. "Stop _it_," he said stepping back and running his hand through it to……….mess it back up? Ah, the hell if he knew. His hair was untameable at best. There was nothing she could do to it to make it look better. The worst she could do was make it cooperate, "I got back yesterday."

"And you didn't call?"

"_Late_, yesterday," he corrected and turned to finish pouring his coffee, "You want one?"

"Sure," she said in an uncertain tone.

"I came to set things straight here, figured you weren't coming back."

"I got your letter," he said with a sigh.

His headache was receding slowly, but not enough for him to feel any better. He hadn't seen Sara in years and felt weird talking to her. He had never been particularly close to family.

"I'm _so_ sorry John." Sara said with a sad look on her face. She _had_ been close to his father, her uncle.

"I never figured it would be his heart," John muttered as he turned back to her, "Figured it would be….I don't know what I thought it would be."

"It surprised us all," Sara said as he handed her a mug of black coffee.

John looked away from her, nodding sadly.

Sara was watching him in awe, "It is _so_ good to see you."

"You too," he smiled, "Jesus, you scared me half to death."

"I can see that," Sara said as she gestured to his boxers.

"Yeah well, it's early."

"It's one in the afternoon."

"Really?" he shot back quickly.

"You look…….." she paused, "I as going to say well, but in truth, John, you look like shit."

"Drinking last night," he said rubbing his face again in an attempt to wake up.

Sara was looking at him strangely, her eyes moving over his chest, her eyes wide. He realised in an instant what she was looking at and bought his hand up to the still healing wound on his shoulder.

"What happened?" she asked with a note of concern.

"Oh," John looked down at the floor, "I kinda…got….shot."

"What?" Sara gave him the mom look and sighed, "I told you you'd get hurt one of these days. Does it hurt?"

"Not so much now."

"It looks painful."

"Its fine," he said waving his hand at her.

"John, you always say that."

At least she assumed he still said that.

"You're leg could be falling off and you'd say it was a scratch. Remember when you fell out of that tree when we were kids. You said your wrist _itched_…as I recall, it was broken."

John remembered the incident and she had never let him forget it. They'd been close as kids, her two years older than him. However, he hadn't kept in touch. He'd seen her nine years ago briefly, and before that he vaguely remembered it had been seven years. With her having a family and a settled life, he always felt like an inconvenience and had convinced himself that they had probably grown apart. Their childish banter had returned but there was an air of indescribable tension.

"Yeah well," he said sitting down opposite her.

"Where have you been?" Sara asked casually, "I tried to get in touch with you and…..you were nowhere to be found."

"I've been doing some stuff, somewhere, that I can't really talk about." He pulled a face.

"Secret stuff?"

"Yeah."

"But, you're okay? Even if you are getting shot at."

"I'm fine." He smiled softly.

"You look so different, although," she said with a smile, "You're hair hasn't changed one bit. Last time I saw you," she remembered idly, "you were in between tours, saw you for _one_ day and then you disappeared on me." She sighed, "I worry about you, you know."

"I'm okay."

"I hate that you joined the military." The disgust in her voice was evident. It was one of the many reasons that they had grown apart.

"You told me."

"Nine years ago, then seven years before that, and the day you said you were joining," she said raising an eyebrow.

"I know."

She was reminding him, not too subtly, why they hadn't spoken.

"It's so dangerous. Just because your dad did it, didn't mean you had to," she looked mildly angry. The old argument resumed nine years down the line.

"I'm fine and I joined because I wanted to."

"Oh come on, your dad probably brainwashed you into it. You could have been a fantastic academic. Nice and safe and-"

"Boring," John muttered, "Please Sara, I really don't want to have this argument again."

"You're getting shot at, I don't hear from you for years, you outright disappear, your dad dies and I can't-," she paused and her eyes brimmed with tears, "I couldn't find you." She swallowed thickly and shook her head to compose herself, "I'm sorry, I just hate that what you do has you away all the time and….."

"Sara," he said dropping his head, "I'm sorry I was unreachable, but what I've been doing is really important. I promise you."

She met his eyes and saw a completely different man there. Something in his eyes had altered. The care free, gung ho John had gone and a person with a serious veneer had replaced him.

"So, how are you?" John asked.

Sara was still in the process of composing herself, pushing down the unwarranted anger she felt for a man she barely knew, but was still family.

When they were kids, they had been inseparable. Him, picking up bugs and chasing her around, her, patching him up when he fell off his bike, or out of a tree, or off his skateboard. They were the complete antithesis those days. Her, the serious one, him, the laid-back one. As they grew up, his parents moved, she went off to college and he joined the military. They grew apart, didn't speak and had fallen out of touch because she truly believed he had made a poor career choice.

Nine years had passed and John looked different, acted different. Military life had inevitably changed him. What hurt the most was his reluctance to stay in contact with her. She was family and yet he had not attempted to stay in touch and even now he seemed uncomfortable in her presence, unsure how to act, and evasive as hell.

She forced calm into her voice and answered evenly, as if she didn't care what the man sitting opposite her thought, "Alex is five tomorrow. We're having a party, you should come." She added, "And Michael's working hard. I'm happy."

"Good." He said as he stared at his hands.

"John?"

Both he and Sara turned to the stairs at the voice.

"Who's that?" Sara asked with a big smirk.

"That's my uh…." He got up from his stool. "That's Elizabeth."

"Who? Oh, John, you didn't pick her up in a bar did you?"

John looked aghast, "No."

"John?"

"I did not pick her up in a bar."

"I'm just saying, You don't have the best track rec-"

Elizabeth poked her head around the door and was thankful that she had put some clothes on. The woman sitting opposite John was staring at him intently.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" Sara said twisting towards Elizabeth.

He had a girlfriend? Again the hurt stung her, how had she not known these things? Did family really mean nothing to him?

John looked between the two women, "Elizabeth this is Sara, my cousin."

Elizabeth waved, "Hi." She turned to John.

"Hi," Sara said.

Elizabeth turned to John and lowered her voice. "I thought you said you didn't have… any more family."

Sara leant forward and slapped John on the arm, "Really?"

John sighed, "I haven't seen you in ages," he said raising his hands up in defence, "I figured you were settled with your family."

"You're an idiot," Sara muttered, "Just because I have a family doesn't mean I don't have time for you."

He shrugged, seemed to consider her comment, and she tried to see what was really going on behind those dark eyes. Her understanding was limited to eight-year-old John and not the thirty seven year old John.

Elizabeth entered the room and eyed the steaming coffee, "That mine?"

"Yeah," John said, handing her a cup.

Sara noted the way that his face lit up slightly, the presence of this woman bringing new strength to him, their fingers brushing as she took the mug from him.

"Okay," said Sara standing up, "I can see that you've got some talking to do and some clothes to put on. John, come to Alex's party tomorrow. It's at 4:00, if you come over a bit earlier we can sort out what we're going to do with this place."

That was, if he wanted her help, she hoped he did. And she hoped he would come to the party. It would give them a chance to catch up, really talk about the past and the present and maybe gleam a little insight into his current life, of which she wasn't an affixture.

"Sara," John started to protest.

"You're coming. I wont take no for an answer. You have to meet Alex."

"It's a _kid's_ party."

"Oh John please tell me you're not still scared of.." she lowered her voice and opened her mouth.

"Don't say it," John said as he looked over to Elizabeth.

"Clowns."

"I'm not scared of clowns."

"He is," Sara said with a grin, "4:00 John. You should come too Elizabeth. It would be nice to have a chat."

"Sure," Elizabeth said as she sipped at her coffee, smiling over the rim at John's expression.

Sara gave John a hug and left leaving questions and tension hanging in the air.

"Well, that was interesting," said Elizabeth.

John turned to her and sighed, "I'm not scared of clowns."

"I'm surprised you had a MacDonald's. Ronald the corporate clown," she said.

"Elizabeth," he groaned.

"I can't believe you never mentioned Sara. She seems nice."

"Well, yeah she is," he stated, "I just thought…." He sighed, "We were close as kids. As adults…we kinda grew apart I guess. I haven't seen her all that much, what with the Air Force and she doesn't like the military lifestyle so…" he walked towards the stairs, "I'm going to go have a shower."

When he had stepped under the hot water, he mentally kicked himself. He had hurt his only relative that actually gave a damn about him. He had never had a chance to have a proper relationship with his mom, was partly responsible for the bad blood between him and his dad, and definitely responsible for not having stayed in touch with Sara; preferring to cut her out. Why? To save her from his seemingly destructive behaviour?

He sighed, felt sick to his stomach, and wondered whether he would screw up his relationship with Elizabeth at some point.

--------------------------

John pushed the food cart, cursing silently every few steps when it decided to veer off at an awkward angle.

"Why is it, whatever cart you pick, you always pick the one with the wonky wheel?" he stopped abruptly, walked around to the front of it and kicked the wheel sharply.

Elizabeth chuckled as she picked up some milk and placed it in the cart. She was still feeling deathly hung-over, John too, from his irritable mood. In fact, shopping was making them both cranky. The lights were overly harsh, the music nauseating, children screaming, couples squabbling over which was the best detergent. Not the place for two hung-over adults.

John picked up some Lucky Charms cereal, inspecting which toy he would find inside and wondered back over to the cart.

"You okay?" Elizabeth asked as they wondered the aisles aimlessly.

He had been quiet and moody today and she suspected that it wasn't all related to feeling off from the amount of drink they had put away the night before.

"Yeah," John said as he walked, "Just seeing Sara, it's all a bit weird."

"You don't get on?" Elizabeth asked as she crossed the aisle to grab some bread.

"We used to," he said with a shrug, "like I said, she's not happy because I didn't stay in touch."

"Perhaps you should have," Elizabeth suggested. She near avoided walking into a small child who was running down the aisle unsupervised.

"It wasn't easy. Different lives. I was moving around a lot, so was she. She's been angry with me for a while. Didn't want me to join the military."

"Really?"

"Her dad, my father's brother, died in combat when she was a kid," he said as he fought with the cart again, "This thing will not drive straight."

Elizabeth gently pushed him aside and started to push it. It went straight.

"Okay, so you have pushing duties," he said with a smile.

"Well, if her dad died, you can't blame her."

"No," John said as he passed a magazine rack and scanned through the various titles, "We're just different now."

"She invited you to her house."

"I know," he said as he went to pick up a magazine with a busty blonde on the cover. Elizabeth slapped his hand playfully and he turned to grin at her.

"Kidding," he said mischievously.

"You should go," Elizabeth said, "You might be able to make amends."

"I don't know," John said as he continued to walk.

"Peanut butter or chocolate spread?"

"PB," John said without thinking, "I guess we could make an appearance. I haven't ever met Alex."

"There you go," Elizabeth said, "And I'm sure there won't be a clown there."

He gave her a playful nudge to her shoulder.

The food shop took an hour, them both useless at deciding what they would be eating over the next few days, and the final shop was beginning to look meagre at best. The large store had a clothing department tucked at the end of it and John placed ten black t-shirts into the cart. To Elizabeth's look, John raised an eyebrow and said, "Hey, I get through a lot of these." He looked around and feigned sadness, "I don't see any red tops though."

"What's wrong with red?"

"Nothing, you look great in red," he jibed.

"So, are you going to get Alex a present?"

"Should I?"

"It's his birthday and children generally like toys…..you know, as a present."

John thought about it and nodded. He strode over to the toy section of the store and Elizabeth watched his eyes light up as he scanned the various toys.

What was it with him and toys?

"We could get him this cool gun, makes realistic sounds," he said as he pressed the button. The sound it emitted sounded strange, "That does _not_ sound like a gun."

"What about this?" Elizabeth said holding up a fire truck.

"Nah," John waved his hand, "Ohh, cool helicopter, sounds, the rotors move."

"I don't think that's age appropriate."

"Hey, I'm not talking about getting it for him," John said as he looked at the toy.

"Again," Elizabeth said, "I don't think its age appropriate."

"Okay," John said rubbing his eyes wearily and swallowing against a bout of self-induced nausea, "Final offer. Tank, complete with army men, little sand bags, mini jeeps." He waggled his eyebrows.

Elizabeth nodded, "Sure."

---------------------------------

The wraith. Hive ships. Kolya. Iratus bugs. John thought he had seen hell, but what he was now faced with, was worse than hell.

There were children _everywhere_, running around screaming, laughing loudly, colourful balloons and streamers, and a party table decked out with sweets that were obviously contributing to the kids crazy behaviour.

"I'm so glad you could come," Sara said as she gave John an awkward hug.

"Well, " John said in a strained voice, "Wouldn't want to miss this."

"Michael couldn't be here. Work," she said in a slightly deflated voice, "You know, he's busy and-" she tailed off at the end.

John didn't miss the slight slip of her mask and decided to ask her about it later. Maybe he could try and repair their relationship to an extent. She obviously had issues with her husband working away all the time and the least he could do was be there for her. Not that he was really any good at it.

"Looks like you've done a good job," Elizabeth stated politely.

Staring at the children running around happily, she thought about her and John's own near miss with the pregnancy test.

"Thanks," Sara said appreciating the comment, "It's just a few streamers and balloons, nothing special, but Alex is having a good time. _Speaking_ of which."

Sara disappeared to find Alex and John and Elizabeth were stood awkwardly in the centre, not really knowing what to do. Sometimes Elizabeth liked to compare the staff of Atlantis to children. The scientists were often squabbling about something and fighting over some new toy. She found herself laughing inwardly at the surreal situation she was embedded in. If their staff could see them now, they would be finding their condition hilarious.

The garden was decked out, parents scattered around talking and laughing as they drank their squash, under colourful balloons and banners; at least the sun was shining.

Sarah reappeared, dragging along a dark haired boy with big brown eyes.

"Alex," Sara said, "Meet John and Elizabeth."

"Hi," Alex said with a little wave.

"Hey," John said getting down onto his knee, "Happy Birthday."

"I'm five," Alex said proudly and pointed at the badge he was wearing upside down.

"John is your cousin," Sarah said simplifying it for her son.

"Hey," John said again offering his own lame wave, "We got you a present," he said handing Alex the wrapped gift.

Alex sat down on the floor and tore it open in a matter of seconds, retrieving the present and professing loudly, "Cool!"

"Glad you like it," said John.

"Oh, Military stuff, "Sara said in a droll voice.

John stood up to join her at her height, "Well, I didn't really know what to get him."

"It's fine," Sara said, "Just don't tell him what you do, otherwise he'll want to grow up and shoot guns, ride tanks and fly choppers. I really don't want that for him."

"Give him a choice Sar."

"I'm going to prepare the cake, get things in order," Sara said, "Just mingle, have fun."

"Mingle, have fun," John repeated as Alex ran off to show his friends his new toy.

---------------------------

John poured himself some cola and glanced over his shoulder furtively before popping some cake into his mouth. He picked up his plastic cup and turned and jumped when he was confronted by three middle-aged women, smiling at him, all looking him up and down.

"Hi," one of the women said, "I'm Ali, this is Lauren and Linzi."

"Hi," John said bobbing his head. He went to move but they tracked his movements like a pack of wild animals.

"So, you're related to Sara?"

"Cousin," John said staring over their shoulders.

"How come we haven't seen you around here before?" Lauren asked, twirling her hair around her finger, and smiling seductively.

John took a swig of his coke, "I'm in the Air Force."

"Oh," Ali said clapping her hands over her mouth, "Really? That must be fun."

John smiled, "Yeah, fun." He raised his eyebrows and went to move but Linzi placed her hand on John's arm and gave it a tentative stroke.

"It must be terribly difficult meeting women when you're out there alone."

John looked down at her hand, "Not that hard."

"Well, its hard meeting a good man," Lauren said dreamily, "We're all single moms, just looking for company."

They all smiled at him, puffing out their chests, and batting their eyelids.

"Well, I'm here with my girlfriend, so-"

Their faces visibly darkened and after a few more forced words they all left, but he caught the end of their conversation, and it sounded like one of them said he was hot.

He smiled and wondered over to where Alex was sitting on the ground and playing with his tank. He had only taken a few steps when two kids grabbed him by his wrist and tugged him down to their level, "Wha-" The words had barely escaped his mouth when one of the kids jumped on his back, jarring his shoulder roughly, and calling out.

John extricated the child, forcing a smile, and said, "Hey guys, not so rough. Why don't you go bug your parents?"

He straightened up and walked over to Alex, sweat beading his forehead as the pain in his shoulder flared up and the aches that had been manageable returned.

"Hey, what you playing?" he asked as he sat down on the grass.

"Army." Alex looked up at him, examining his face with a frown, "You wanna play?"

John picked up one of the army men, "I'm pretty good at it."

-------------------------

Sara looked out at the window and saw John sitting on the grass beside Alex. She shook her head and turned back to placing the candles in the cake.

Elizabeth was leaning up against the counter, a coffee in her hand, and some nibbles on a paper plate beside her.

"So, how long have you known John?" Sara asked.

Elizabeth's eyes widened and she swept some of her dark hair behind her ears. She was beautiful and carried a grace and confidence that made Sara feel frumpy and old.

"Oh, I've known him for two years, but we've been together for…" she tried to think, "A few months, maybe more, it's been a bit hectic to count."

"And you work in the military?" Sara asked, her eyes glancing up at Elizabeth's.

"_Not_ exactly. I'm a diplomatic speaker, but our jobs are closely linked."

"How?" Sara continued to put the candle on the cake.

"I'm afraid I can't talk about the nature of our work. I know it's infuriating but I just can't."

"Oh that's okay. I'm just being nosey."

Elizabeth nodded, sipped at her coffee.

"So you and John were close as kids?" Elizabeth asked. Her turn to be nosey.

"Yeah, _as_ kids. He's changed a lot now. Seems……I don't know…haunted."

"Haunted?" Elizabeth asked without making eye contact.

"Like a lot has happened. Life changing stuff. I don't know."

Sara was perceptive.

"You know John. He's a very private person."

"I knew the young John. I don't know him now."

"He takes time," Elizabeth admitted, crooking an eyebrow.

"Never used too," Sara revealed, "Testament to how much he's changed."

"In our work, his work, keeping in touch with loved ones is extremely problematic. We're working away a lot of the time."

"I know. But, he just dropped off the face of the earth."

"Yeah," Elizabeth realised how incredibly true that was.

Their talk was interrupted by Alex bombing into the kitchen, a miserable expression on his face.

"What's up honey?" Sara asked bending down to his level.

"John won't let me play with my toy," he said crossing his arms over his chest.

"What?"

Alex sighed heavily and turned his mouth down.

"I'll handle this, "Elizabeth said started for the door.

She found John sitting in the centre of the garden, children running around like maniacs, and him totally oblivious. He had strategically positioned all of the army men, had placed the tanks in specific places and was proceeding to talk to himself.

"Sir, we're out numbered and outgunned………._dammit man, take up a defensive position_,…yes sir……_I'll kill you, you son of a bitches_…" he made some gun shot noises and smiled as he toppled over some of the men.

Elizabeth bent down beside him, using his shoulder as balance and whispered into his ear, "What are you doing?"

"Playing," he stated and turned to kiss her on the cheek, "See, its two armies, facing off for…" he pointed at a gummy bear, "Imagine the gummy bear as a hostage."

"I think Alex would like to play with his toys."

John sighed and started to get up, "Sorry. Kinda got caught up in the moment." He wrapped his arms around Elizabeth, just because he could, and gave her a kiss on the cheek, just as two kids walked by and made 'eewww' noises.

Sara came outside, her eyes trained on their public display of affection, holding the heavy cake and everyone started a chorus of 'happy birthday to you'.

Alex blew out the candles, sitting for a few seconds as cake was dished out and ran back to John's unmanned game of army men. The smile was back on his frosting covered face as he imitated Johns earlier rendition of five year old child at play.

"Okay," Sara said clapping her hands together, "We've got a special guest for all the kids."

John turned towards Sara and she smiled at him.

"It's a clown," he said.

"You can't know that," Elizabeth said.

"It is I know it, I can feel its evil presence." He arched his head up and tried to look over everyone's heads.

"Meet Mr Jolly." Sara said and John shook his head at her.

She laughed and mouthed a 'sorry' to him.

Mr Jolly ran out from the house and the kids swarmed around him like he was Santa, their faces lighting up as he made balloon animals.

He'd been performing for half an hour, the kids attention wavering, when he finally took a break.

John just happened to be at the food table when Mr Jolly walked over and started to get a plate of food.

"Enjoying the show?" he asked in a stupid sing song voice.

John turned to him, raised an eyebrow, and then returned to loading up his own food plate.

"What's wrong mister? Let's turn that frown upsi-"

"Don't say it," John said as he reached for a sandwich.

Mr Jolly's smile faded," Hey," his voice morphed into a deep rumble, "What's up buddy? You don't like clowns?"

John sighed and bit his tongue, "No."

"Everyone loves clowns," Mr Jolly said in a thick Brooklyn accent.

"Not me." John said looking him up and down.

He didn't know why he hated clowns so much, probably had something to do with a horrible childhood experience, but he would be damned if he remembered. He'd expertly blocked it out. All he knew was he had never liked them. Covering their faces with make up was a cover for something else. There was something almost sinister about them.

"Come on, smell my flower?"

John again turned to Mr Jolly and shook his head.

"Go on," Mr Jolly pushed.

John wanted to _push_ Mr Jolly.

"It's going to squirt water right? And the ring on your hand will give me a buzz, the handkerchief in the pocket is like a mile long, there's probably flowers in your pocket and all kinds of other clown crap."

"Hey, you gotta problem?"

Mr Jolly was making the wraith look appealing right about now.

"I'm not a kid, I don't need entertaining."

"This isn't my real job you know. It's a side thing. I'm uh…" he looked around furtively and then puffed his chest out with great pride, "I'm really special ops."

"No your not," John said laughing.

"I am," he said.

John looked him in the eye and stepped up close to him "If you're in special ops, you don't tell people you're in special ops."

"What would you know?"

"I'm in the Air force."

The clown laughed, "Yeah right? You?"

"Yeah," John said with a shrug, "Of course it doesn't compare to being a clown."

Mr Jolly gave him a shove and John gripped him by his wrist.

"What kind of person doesn't like clowns?" Mr Jolly said in an exasperated tone.

"Yeah, _I'm_ the freak," John said as he walked way.

"Screw you," Mr Jolly shouted to him as he walked away.

John turned back. "Hey, there are kids present."

John walked over to where Sara and Elizabeth were standing and watched Mr Jolly flip him the bird.

"Stop antagonising the clown." Sara said with a shake of her head.

"He started it," John said as he shoved some cake into his mouth.

"He's costing a lot of money and he's the best out there."

"Graduated first from clown school and everything." John muttered.

-----------------------------

The party had ended just as the sun was beginning to set and tired children and equally frustrated parents had gone home. The garden looked like a bomb had hit it. There was food, wrapping paper, popped balloons and various debris littering the once immaculate lawn.

After Sara had taken Alex to bed, Elizabeth was helping clean inside, while John aimlessly picked up bits of rubbish in the garden and put it in the black bag he was carrying.

"Well, Mr Jolly wasn't so jolly when he left," Sara said as she passed him a cold beer.

John dropped the black bag and reached out for it. His brain was saying beer, but his stomach was reminding him of the nights before over indulgence. He took a swig anyway. Feeling that he deserved it after the self-control he had exhibited today surrounded by all of those maddening kids. He liked kids, but not so many of them. One on one he could handle, hoards of them kicking him in the shin and trying to tackle him to the ground every few seconds he couldn't.

"Cheers. So Alex have a good day?" John asked as he took a long swig.

"Yeah, I think so," Sara said with tired smile, "He's sleeping with that tank you brought him."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have got him that if-"

Sara held her hand up, "Its okay. It's a toy, not a lifestyle choice."

"Well, I had a good time too. Surprisingly. It's been good to see you."

"You too. You've changed."

"Yeah?"

"Well, changed from when you were a kid. I have to admit, I don't really know you all that much anymore."

"I'm still the same. Just a bit older."

"You never used to have secrets from me."

"That's my job sar," he said with a grim smile.

"So are you going to try and keep in touch?"

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything."

Sara nodded. She would never understand him.

"So," John cleared his throat.

He hated the awkwardness, the unfamiliarity. He wished he was a kid again. He knew how she thought then. Everything was simple. Get up, ride his bike, get ice creams with Sara, chase her around. Simple.

"So, when are you leaving?"

"Not sure yet."

"But you'll say goodbye before you go. I'm sure it will be another nine years before I see you."

If ever again, John thought sadly. Life expectancy in Atlantis wasn't particularly high.

"Yeah."

"Good," she said and sipped on her own beer.

"Did dad say anything to you about getting rid of my stuff?"

Sara had been closer to his dad than he had been, keeping in touch, helping him out around the house. It was a testament to how little he had seen his father too.

"Come with me."

John followed Sara out to the garage and she opened it up, its hinges creaking loudly.

"What's all this?" he asked as she walked into the darkness and switched on a light. She walked over to a pile of boxes in the corner of the garage and pointed at them.

"Have a look."

John strode over to one of the boxes and had a peak inside, "My stuff?" he said drawing his eyebrows together in confusion, "Why have you got this?"

"Who do you think helped your dad get rid of it? I didn't have the heart to throw it out."

"You kept it," he said slightly mystified.

"It's your memories and he was just angry with you. It was the only thing he could do to retaliate."

John turned to her and felt an unexpected rush of emotion. Without thinking, he stepped forwards and gave her a friendly hug, "Thank you."

"Its okay."

"I'm sorry I didn't stay in touch with you."

"That's okay too, really," she said when he gave her a look, "You and me. We are different now."

"Yeah."

"And Elizabeth is great. Don't screw it up."

"I'm trying not to."

"John Sheppard, settling down."

John smiled, "Who would have thought?"

"Yeah girls have cootees remember?"

"Yeah, I forgot and I just hugged you. Ew!" he laughed, "You've got a great life here too. Alex is great."

"Yeah, he is."

John took in a deep breath and decided to ask her about her marriage. He wasn't sure if it was his place, but he had to be sure that she was okay.

He didn't have to ask.

"I think me and Michael are over." Sara admitted sadly, her lips trembling.

"Really?"

"Yeah." She wrapped her arms around herself defensively.

"Hey, I know I'm just the jerk cousin who neglected you for years but……You wanna talk about it?"

Sara's eyes misted up and she nodded, "Please."

TBC

_What a strange chapter……I just couldn't help it. Weird scenario after weird scenario presented itself and I had to indulge in it….More to come._

_If you're reading, review pretty please with shep covered clones on top :D_


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